Well, I guess this is one way to get people to pay attention to college soccer.

It's Halloween week, and I'm definitely starting to get in the mood. Crazy costumes, cleverly crafted pumpkins, candy ... it's all good right now. Mostly.

There are still some things that are just too frightening, and they have no right invading my happy little Halloween haze. I'm talking, of course, about children masquerading as adults, and it's more vile and horrifying than anything Rob Zombie could dream up.

First, here's five-year old Giuliano Stroe, who has just made the Guiness Book of Records for being the strongest kid in the universe (or something):

If a five-year old with a six-pack doesn't freak you out, then here's 9-year old Noah Cyrus (remember her? Miley's doomed sister?) attending a Halloween party over the weekend. Go ahead and check out the picture after the jump, but if Chris Hansen jumps out from behind a file cabinet and asks you to take a seat, you're on your own.

Ever think that the California Raisins campaign, with the singing and dancing raisins, was a little creepy? Multiply that by a thousand:

If you run screaming out the door, remember to take an umbrella -- it's wet out there. Because God is crying.

[Via]

I'm not really sure what this is, but the 80s synth-track is mesmerizing.

[Source]

A "Sesame Street" parody of "Mad Men"? Sure, why not?

It's never too early to introduce children to betrayal, self-loathing, excessive smoking, using scotch to solve emotional problems, patting a buxom secretary on the ass after a job well done, and the joy of keeping your job after your new boss loses his foot in a freak riding lawn mower incident.

Like the famous crackhead singer Whitney Houston once said, teach them well and let them lead the way.

I would not say that I suffer from any kind of phobia, but there are certain things in this world that instill a sense of dread in me. Whales, for one. Large objects that hang over my head. Oversized stuff animals. Trees.

Turns out I was right about trees.

There's some kind of hacky joke that can be made here about the dangers of marriage, but I will not be the person to make it.

So there's this 30-year old Norwegian busdriver and film enthusiast formerly known as Andreas Jankov who recently changed his name to Julius Andreas Gimli Arn MacGyver Chewbacka Highlander Elessar-Jankov.

Can you guess what the guy looks like? Get a picture in your brain. Got it?

He looks like this:

The message of the following European public service announcement is something like "don't pass your mental issues down to your kids." Oh, you don't have mental issues? You will after watching the PSA.

[Source]

If there is one question that should never be answered, it's "Where are they now?", because the answer is always depressing.

Exhibit A: Christopher "Kid" Reid selling suits (via Videogum)

Exhibit B: Soleil Moon Frye reprising Punky Brewster (thanks to reader Jeffresno for the link)