Cute overload: Neil Patrick Harris on "Sesame Street"
We here at the Beehive have a very real, very understandable obsession with all things NPH, so when I saw that he was going to be on "Sesame Street" as – wait for it – a shoe fairy, I very nearly cried with joy.
I am unable to embed the video here, but you need to see this immediately, so click this link before the "Sesame Street" overlords make it go away.
It's all the local news and stuff from the blogosphere that you need to Fres-Know:
SHORT NOTICE: If you shop at Mervyn's because you're "vertically challenged" you may want to stock up on your tiny Hillard & Hanson pants sooner than later. [Fresno Bee Business Blog] NOVEMBER NEWS: Did QueerFresno get the inside scoop on Fresno mayoral candidates Ashley Swearengin's and Henry T. Perea's leanings on Proposition 8? [QueerFresno] WON'T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR?: Wish you knew your neighbors better? Tired of living next to that grumpy woman who never says hello and who is constantly calling security on your every move (sorry about that, by the way – I like quiet), take a look at plans for this friendly Fresno neighborhood. [Opinion Talk] AT LEAST WE'RE CONSISTENT: Fresno ranks last in some report having to do with Americans' well-being or something, blah blah blah, whatevs. [Late Update] BOO: Looking for a way to get out some aggression this Halloween? Auditions for the Friday Night Scream Park, which is looking for scary characters (or scaracters - thank you and good night!), will be held this weekend. [Fresno Famous] DEGREES OF FRESNO: Matt Damon's upcoming movie, "The Informant," has a Fresno connection, but since it's not me and him and a weekend at Bass Lake, I've already lost interest. [CBS 47]
That's right - it's time for another round of Degrees of Fresno. We haven't done this in a while, so if you need to refresh your memory on how the game is played, please check out the firstfiveinstallments of thegame. For those of you averse to clicking a link, simply trace the Degrees of Fresno pick back to Fresno using her career, family, news stories, etc.
My choice for DoF candidate this week is Ms. Heather Locklear, who is now home and resting from spending four weeks in a treatment center in Arizona for anxiety and depression (if the gorgeous people are anxious and depressed, what chance do the rest of us have?!).
Remind Heather what a great and varied career she's had, and especially, how that career leads back to wonderful, depression- and worry-free Fresno.
Matthew McConaughey presents: Baby's first contact high yawn
Yesterday, thanks to Britney Spears, we delved into the distressing world of celebrities and the bad examples they can set for their children, particularly when these kids start sharing their smoking habits. Today, I'll leave my soapbox at home and instead revel in the pure joy that is Matthew McConaughey and Model Girlfriend's completely pure and untainted newborn child, Levi, seen here on the cover of –
Oh my god. Does this kid look a little relaxed to you?
Natalie Portman's boyfriend shakes the cobwebs off her acting skillz
Natalie Portman has a new boyfriend named Devendra Banhart, who is, according to Wikipedia, "a Venezuelan-American folk rock singer-songwriter and musician."
Natalie Portman's love life doesn't really interest me (at least, not since she stopped dating ultra yummy Gael García Bernal, who is so amazingly beautiful, he inspires me to write things like "ultra yummy"), but I want to give this Devendra Banhart guy credit for inspiring Natalie to give her best performance since "The Professional."
Natalie Portman in Devendra Banhart's video for "Carmensita." Enjoy (click here for a much less blurry version).
It's Sunday afternoon, and, the overcast sky shuttering my plans to spend the day lazily floating down a river, I find myself lounging on the couch, eating pretzels, drinking a beer soda and watching "Secret Admirer" on On Demand.
It's got me thinking about movies I will happily watch over and again on lazy Sunday afternoons – movies that most people haven't watched even once. These are my top five (click the title to see the trailer):
1."Clue": Based on the board game (natch), starring Tim Curry, comes with three different endings. True story: back in the day, my brother and I used to recite the dialogue to this movie every night as we washed the dishes after dinner. Due to my older sister privileges, I always got to be the characters with the most lines.
2."Moonstruck": Most people adore this film for the moment Cher slaps Nic Cage and tells him to "snap out of it!" I love every other moment in the movie, especially the one where John Mahoney sees Danny Aiello on his knees proposing in a restaurant and asks the waiter, "Is that man praying?" Una storia vera: "Moonstruck" inspired me take three semesters of Italian in college.
George Clooney + Alcohol + a Funny Mustache = My Dream Date
There is nothing to hate in this commercial for Martini vermouth starring George Clooney. Nothing at all.
Although... I sort of see why celebrities only do overseas commercials. Compared to other celebrities, though, George has nothing to be embarrassed about:
As we're fond of pointing out time and again, there's plenty to do here in Fresno. Following are the Beehivers' weekend plans for enjoying some of the best entertainment Fresno has to offer:
Felicia: I'll be attending "An Evening with Gary Sinise" on Sunday evening, as part of the CSU Summer Arts program at Fresno State. Most people think of him as Lt. Dan in "Forrest Gump" or in his current role as the star of "CSI:NY." But he's also a respected stage actor and co-founder of the prestigious Steppenwolf Theatre Company. I'm really looking forward to his reflections on life as an actor.
Mike Oz: Sigh. I really wish I could go to Saturday's X Fest in Modesto, which is this huge downtown music festival that draws like 15,000 people. Blake Lewis is one of the 50 performers and I'd really like to heckle him. But I got pre-standing married-people plans that take precedent. If I get out and about in Fresno, I might just check out the Blake Jones and the Trike Shop/Traveling Medicine Show/Andrew Bunnell/Gabe Rola show at Tokyo Garden on Saturday night (9 p.m., $5).
Will: Well, because I guess I am a night owl, I'll be at the 8 p.m. showing of "Priceless" tonight ... cause I likes the Audrey Tautou. And the dude was in the other French film that Fresno Filmworks picked a few months back, and he was good. And then Saturday (in the park, I think it'll be the 19th of July), I'm hoping to finally get out to the Shakespeare in the (Woodward) Park performance of "Twelfth Night." I know a bunch of people in the show, and I'm crossing my fingers it won't be hot as, well, you know. Wish me luck.
Want to see a movie with me tonight? It would be "Priceless"
This evening I'm going to Fresno Filmworks' 5:30 p.m. screening at the Tower Theatre of the French film "Priceless" starring Audrey Tautou. Tickets are $10, so you can take that $3 you're saving and get a drink or a scoop of ice cream after the show. (There's another showing at 8 p.m. for you night owls.)
Look, if I'm not irresistible and charming enough to get you to come out, let me assure you that Audrey Tautou is, and I promise you won't even notice the subtitles after awhile.
See you out there? In the meantime, enjoy the trailer for "Priceless":
Hayden Panettiere decides 18 is the right age to start ho-in'
Why is the munchkin chick from "Heroes" making music videos?
I don't know, but she is. And it's less of a music video and more like what a Miley Cyrus flip book would look like if you put together all of her inappropriate MySpacephotos.
Stop trying to be more than you are, young, misguided, self-indulgent actresses. Just stop it.
This one focuses on the action a little more, and introduces us to other characters – specifically, what appears to be Bella's dad, Charlie, and the vampire villain James. Check it out:
Does this man look like a sexual predator to you? Of course he does – it's Andy Dick, who's known for taking things too far in the name of "comedy."
Once again, Dick took it too far and was arrested on drug charges and for sexual battery after police showed up on a disturbance call at a chicken wing joint. Dick was urinating on the building and making a fool of himself. The sexual battery charge comes from allegedly pulling down the top and bra of a 17-year old girl; police also found marijuana and Xanax on him.
And now we, the public, have to deal with this, the skeeziest mug shot in celebrity mug shot history. You know how many times I've had to look at this on umpteen gossip sites? This picture is so skeezy, I've taken four showers already today.
Dear police: Please just throw away the key. This guy served his purpose long ago, and is now simply a menace to the world. Five points to anyone who can tell me what that purpose was, by the way.
P.S. Yes, I'm trying to set a blogging record on the Beehive today – most number of posts by a single Beehiver in one day. (I think Will Albritton holds the record with six). You're under no obligation to read all – or any – of them.
I mean, I know why we, the general public, hate them, but I never understood why someone who should have her pick of men would choose the oldest, ugliest or douchiest of the bunch. Perhaps it's the whole pretty on the outside, ugly on the inside thing, and that these women, despite receiving all the validation in the world, can't see themselves the way the rest of the world does.
Here's what I'm getting at. Miranda Kerr, model, looks like this:
Fres-Know: The place where cats' ears fall off and prostitutes do Pilates
It's all the local news and stuff from the blogosphere that you need to Fres-Know:
DIY BLOGGING: There's a new Fresno sports blog on the scene, and it's got an ax to grind. [Wide World of Fresno Sports] WRONG THONGS: Who doesn't love a good Belmont prostitute story? Note to self: be careful where I wear my new clear heels. [Edge of Town] NO CRYING IN BLOGGING: The lede from Eddie Jimenez's story about fire victim Pelé the cat made me start crying so suddenly I couldn't finish the story: "His paws are still sore, and his ears will likely fall off." Don't tell me how the story ends, I just can't handle it. Who's got more ho stories? Anyone? [The Fresno Bee] LEARN SOMETHING, SAVE $20: Weren't you just saying to your best girlfriend about how you want to improve yourself? Central Valley Moms is making it easy for you by giving away two tickets to see author Carole Maso July 22nd at Fresno State. [Central Valley Moms] TACOS, FRESNO: Dios mio, people in Fresno love a good discussion about tacos, don't they? [Fresno Famous] NOT ABOUT FRESNO: It's Disneyland's 53rd birthday today. Since it's also my unbirthday, I feel I should be there celebrating. But you know – this is nice, too. [MiceAge]
The scenario: Dmitri meets Olga out and about in San Francisco. Olga gives Dmitri her card. Dmitri calls and leaves the douchiest phone message ever recorded.
Here's what not to say on a woman's – on anybody's – answering machine:
You know, I think maybe I'll just take my chances on that dying alone thing.
Five reasons I should announce Bret Michaels at the Fresno Fair
In case you missed the Greatest News Ever, Mr. Bret "Rock of Love" Michaels will be taking the stage at the Big Fresno Fair this October. You may or may not recall that last year the Beehive's own Mike Osegueda announced Daughtry when he (they? Is that a band or a guy? I have no clue) took the stage.
Knowing that a Bret Michaels/Heather McLane match up would be the most explosive thing to hit Fresno ever, I am starting my campaign early to be the one to announce Bret Michaels as he takes the stage October 13th at the Paul Paul Theater.
I repeat: the woman seen in the photo below, Helen Mirren, is 62 years old. Forget all that lying about your age nonsense – older women are hot. We should be shouting our ages from the rooftops and admitting that we are beautiful at every age. I am already planning exactly what color bikini I am going to wear in 40 years*, when I am Helen's age.
The new iPhone is good for beating down obnoxious reporters
With all of the long line waiting, the sold out product, and the glitches connected with the new iPhone, it's no wonder cell phone users have been a little testy lately. That might excuse this guy's behavior toward a KTLA reporter who tried to interview him while he waited in line for a phone last Friday. Or, maybe just like the rest of us, this guy finds obnoxious reporters shoving a camera in his face and asking stupid questions absolutely unbearable.
It's probably that second one.
FAIL alert: Try to spell "iPhone" correctly in your graphics next time, KTLA.
Get on the "Twilight" train before it takes over the pop culture landscape
Confession time: When I saw that Entertainment Weekly has the stars of the upcoming movie "Twilight" on its cover this week, I actually gave an excited gasp and immediately made plans to get my hands on a copy of the magazine.
I am one of the many adults who has read all of the books in Stephanie Meyers' Twilight series that is geared toward young adults (New Moon and Eclipse are the other two books; the fourth, Breaking Dawn, will be released August 2nd). If you're not familiar with the phenomenon, you can read the EW article that breaks it down here.
Essentially, it is the story of 17-year old Bella Swan who moves to the gray and soggy Washington town of Forks and immediately falls in love with Edward, a gorgeous vampire, whose love for Bella puts her in all kinds of dangerous situations (including drama with Bella's best friend, Jacob, who is a – well, I wouldn't want to spoil it for you). Comparisons to "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and Harry Potter are made about the series often, but aside from the love-with-a-vampire element and weeks spent on the bestsellers list, the similarities pretty much end there.
Twilight is one of those series that is so personal to fans that when the time came to cast Edward and Bella for the movie (in theaters December 12th), everyone and her mom had to weigh in with their opinions. I admit that when I heard Robert Pattinson was playing Edward, my first reaction was "Really? Cedric Diggory?" I'm reserving judgment, however, until I see the movie.
In the meantime, if you don't want to be left out of what will inevitably be a major pop culture discussion in the next few months, I suggest you get yourself to your nearest bookseller and study up. The books are hefty, but quick reads, and the first three are now available in paperback.
Watch the teaser trailer for "Twilight" after the jump:
If you've been counting down to Friday's release of "The Dark Knight," you've surely already seen the nearly seven-minute trailer featuring the first six minutes of the film. If, however, you're like me and sort of ambivalent about comic book characters in general and Batman in particular, you may need a little extra encouragement to get yourself to the movie theater this weekend.
TMZ isn't known for being creative or clever or remotely worth reading, but for once, they've finally gotten something right. Check out their gallery of celebrities and the Muppets they resemble here.
Gossip at 1 a.m.: Angelina Jolie is birthing babies
You know what happens when you're awake at 1:00 in the morning and surfing the Internet like a total lame-o? You're one of the first to read about Angelina Jolie giving birth via Cesarian section in Nice, France to twins, a boy named Knox Leon and a girl named Vivienne Marcheline (whose domain names are already taken, so don't even try it).
Congratulations to Angelina and Brad, and congratulations to you for being able to scoop your mother with this news tomorrow morning at church. Now go to bed, you big nerd.
Unable... to... comment... yet suddenly craving a visit to the land of lean beef, wherever that might be.
The following is a real radio commercial featuring beef lover Matthew McConaughey. Enjoy.
(Post title provided by Mr. Mike Osegueda, who is way too pleased with his effort. Someone please come up with a better headline to put him in his place.)
Some people have said there's too much Amy Winehouse on this blog. To those people I say:
Yeah, you're probably right. But she makes it so, so hard to break up with her. Also: stop telling me what to do. You're not my real dad! You don't even care about me. I hate you! I hate you! Can I have $5 bucks for an Orange Julius at the mall?
Here's Bill O'Reilly barely keeping himself from squealing and clapping his hands together in glee as he plays video of Jesse Jackson making horrendous comments about how he'd like to cut off Barack Obama's nuts:
"I have no idea why Jackson framed his comments that way," claims O'Reilly. Oh, Bill. I think you know a little something about acting a damn fool while the mics are on, or is your memory really that short? (WARNING: NSFW)
Jamie Lynn Spears, 17, on being a mother: "[It's] the best feeling in the world!"
Apparently it makes you prematurely silver-haired, though. Did anyone bother to tell this frosted flake that, in light of what happened recently in Gloucester, Massachusetts, appearing on the cover of a gossip rag aimed at young girls glamorizing a mistake life choice that is exponentially harder for those who don't have money and perks from having their own television show is both selfish and irresponsible? I didn't think so.
Last night was the final Battle of the Bands for the coveted tenth spot on Saturday's Best of Fresno lineup. There was much discussion on the Beehive this week about who should be there, but the talk didn't really translate to people showing up at Crossroads last night.
What happened, Fresno? Not coming to the show pretty much invalidates your opinions on who should be on the lineup, no? Hopefully you'll make up for it this Saturday at the festival.
For those who were there, it was good to see you support local music on a Tuesday night. For those who weren't, here's what you missed:
I've been trying to watch the second season of "The Two Coreys" on A&E, but the silly, overly dramatic interaction between Coreys Haim and Feldman is too much, even for someone with low television standards such as myself.
However, check out what happens when former teen idol Haim has a meltdown on the set of "The Lost Boys 2" and then has what appears to be a drug relapse. It's not pretty, and sadly it puts the "reality" back into reality TV.
Worried about what the kids are into these days? With adults stealing kid-friendly pursuits like kickball and video games (come on - Wii Fit?), the children have turned to the Internets for their entertainment. Both you and I know how dirty the Internet can be – is there really anything worthwhile for kids on there? Apparently so.
A few weeks ago I visited my 9- and 13-year old cousins, Jesenia and Flannery, who, as it turns out, have a pretty serious YouTube obsession, just like their Cousin Heather. It was during this visit that they introduced me to their two favorite YouTube stars: Charlie the Unicorn and Fred.
I watched with amusement as they giggled at Charlie the Unicorn's ill-fated trip to Candy Mountain, and then I watched in bemused horror as they fell into hysterics at Fred's high-pitched squealing. Turns out they're not the only ones obsessed with Fred: he's been garnering quite a lot of attention lately from various media outlets, as well.
Jes and Flan are into things like drawing, playing the piano and performing in community theater, so I'm not too worried about the time they spend on YouTube (in fact, I never once saw them flip on the television during my weekend visit). And I for one am comforted by the fact that there are still kids who want to hang on to being a kid for a good long time, even when they have access to the big bad Internet.
Check out Charlie the Unicorn (more appropriate for older kids, so beware):
It's all the local news and stuff from the blogosphere that you need to Fres-know:
HATERS: Is shutting down the sno-cone man really necessary, City of Fresno? Why don't you use some of that manpower to shut down the fools who water their streets and sidewalks grass during the hottest part of the day? I'll give you a place to start: Woodward Park. I think you know where it is. [Edge of Town] SPEAKING OF WOODWARD PARK: Should those outside of Fresno pay $2 more to see its freshly watered grass than those who live in Fresno proper? Unrelated: How many people in Fresno would you consider to be proper? Maybe just the ones who follow watering guidelines? [Fresno Bee Opinion] INNOCENT. FOR NOW: A taco shop in Merced was robbed last night. How do I know it wasn't notorious taco lover, Mike Oz? The thieves took the cash and left the carne asada. [The Fresno Bee] BUT DO THEY KNOW POPOZAO? Fresno: the band? Apparently so. [The Fresnan] BAR REVIEW: Wondering where to go on a Friday night? Unless you hate your cash and like getting verbally abused, you M-ight want to avoid this place in the Tower. [QueerFresno] HOPE MATTERS: We're used to Fresnans on reality shows, but a fellow citizen appearing in a book? Thank Jebus. [Late Update] KICK THIS: Got a little energy to burn? The World Adult Kickball Association is coming to Fresno. Somebody sober up Vince Vaughn – I want a kickball movie in the works by September. [Fresno Famous]
Today, on Tom Cruise's 46th birthday, I'd like to celebrate by presenting a pictorial reminder of what this man has done tofor to 29-year old Katie Holmes, who may or may not need a quick dip in the Creek to bring her back to life.
Patrick Contreras totally hangs out with celebrities
So, the rumor is true: Fresno's own Patrick Contreras did, indeed, play his violin at the wedding of Chris Kattan and model Sunshine Tutt this weekend in Yosemite Valley. We always knew Patrick was A-list, we just didn't know how A-list.
From the man himself, who had to sign a waiver not to reveal the really good stuff, via email from wherever really amazing violin players spend their time turning the day:
"yeah...there were a CRAPLOAD of A and B listers there... Jimmy Fallon, Will Ferrell, Charlie Sheen...Brook Shields... Stifler's mom (from American Pie)... umm..let's see... some of the cast of "Grey's Anatomy" (McSteamy...I guess that's what girls call him)..the guy who did the movie "The Punisher" (he's married to someone there)... some supermodels were there...and I know there were more... but that's just off the top of my head.. and of course Chris Kattan and his new wife Sunshine....Chris made some great jokes throughout my time there, seemed like a nice guy. I even got into a cool conversation with Sunshine's mom who's really nice! and loves mexican food.. ...yeah, good stuff. This is not the first celeb wedding I've done... but certainly had the most famous people in one place.....it was what it was...kinda cool though..."
And there you have it, folks – plenty of fodder for the next Degrees of Fresno post. Nice going, Patrick!
Fres-Know: Wanna come over and pet my two-headed lizard?
It's all the local news and stuff from the blogosphere that you need to Fres-know:
BEST PHOTO EVER: The Bee's Diana Marcum and Craig Kohlruss brave the wilds of Fowler to introduce us to a two-headed lizard named Zak-n-Wheezie, who celebrated his first birthday recently. A two-headed lizard wearing teeny-tiny party hats? Yes, please! [The Fresno Bee] SIGN OF THE TIMES: Got $650 bucks and a friend with a really big truck? That's all you need to make the Lauck's Bakery sign in the Tower District all yours. Lifetime supply of bierocks not included. [Bee Business Blog] NEW BLOGGER ALERT! Host of KFCF's "Move on Up" (and Beehive favorite), Devoya Mayo, is now classing up potty-mouthed Mikey Seay's joint over at The Fresnan. First up for Ms. Soulflower: addressing the lack of greasy spoon breakfast options in the 'No. [The Fresnan] MAMA SAYS I'M PRETTY: All that time you've spent strutting up and down Fashion Fair mall trying to catch the attention of the guy who works the AT&T wireless booth is about to pay off. Auditions for "America's Next Top Model" will be held July 12 at the Island Water Park. Tell Tyra I say STFU hello. [Reality Exploits] RANDOM CONGRATS: Chris Kattan got married in Yosemite over the weekend. There's a joke about water falls and taking the plunge somewhere in here, but I think I'll go the "Mango finally gets plucked" route because the two-headed lizard joke wasn't quite enough innuendo for me. [UPI.com] THINK YOU CAN DO THIS BETTER? We already know who the blogger with the best hand-eye coordination in Fresno is (ahem), but Fresno Fusion wants to find out who has the best actual blogging skills. Topics must be related to Fresno, preferably Downtown, and should probably avoid any mention of Kevin Federline. (*scoffs*) [Fresno Fusion]
Gawker directs our attention to a YouTuber with too much time on his hands (aren't they all, really, and thank goodness) who has put together a two-minute video featuring clips from his 100 favorite movies. See how many of these films you can identify:
Amy Winehouse wax figure: Upgrade?
