[Mike Oz: Good blogger, yes, but the man needs to learn a little something about presentation.]
Get ready, fans of the Internet, because tomorrow we unveil the new FresnoBeehive! It will blow minds and dazzle the senses! It will turn night into day and rain into sunshine! It contains all your essential blog vitamins, plus 37% more fiber!
And most importantly, it will feature a blog roll monkeys!*
We guarantee you'll love the new FresnoBeehive.com or your money back.**
*The FresnoBeehive is unable to guarantee the appearance of monkeys at this time.
**You will in no way, shape or form receive any compensation if not satisfied. Suck it up.
Every once in awhile, while speaking of certain relatives of mine who shall go nameless, I reference the 1975 documentary "Grey Gardens." Very rarely does anyone know what I am talking about.
"Grey Gardens" is about Jackie Kennedy Onassis' aunt, Edith "Big Edie" Beale, and Beale's daughter, Little Edie, who lived alone together for a number of years in a dilapidated mansion in East Hampton. Big Edie and Little Edie's story became well-known when a magazine article showed that the pair had been living in absolute squalor, nearly isolated from the world, for some time, and that their run-down home, Grey Gardens, was in danger of being torn down.
HBO has just released a two-minute trailer for its upcoming film based on the life of the Beales and starring Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange. It seems worth checking out, mostly because Barrymore's impression of Little Edie is spot on:
Whether you see this film or not, I highly recommend seeing the original documentary. Here's a clip so you can see for yourself whether Barrymore does Little Edie justice:
The Hollywood Reporter says that a film based on 80s TV masterpiece "MacGyver" is in the works. Unlike the massacring of other cultural icons from my childhood, I think this movie stands a greater chance of not sucking.
But I wonder: who should play the new MacGyver? Richard Dean Anderson, the original Macgyver, always seemed like a normal guy with abnormal abilities. It seems like any "name" actor (your Matt Damons and Matthew McConaugheys, for example) wouldn't be able to pull off that understated brilliance (or that amazing mullet).
I admit I'm stumped. I can't think of a single person who fits the bill. What say you?
Time for another round of Guess the Celeb. Unlike previous G the C posts, the actor in question is appearing sans wig (but is sporting a very stylish newsboy cap over his bald head -- nice).
I challenge you, without looking on the Internets, to figure out who this celebrity is. There is no prize involved here, only the satisfaction of being right, or of simply finding out the answer, which I will tell you later today.
Put your best guesses in the comments section. I'll publish your comments later when I reveal the answer so we can see who has a knack for the ultimate in time-wasting online games.
UPDATE: According to People, the warrant for Lindsay Lohan no longer exists. Apparently, she is in compliance with her alcohol education classes, as evidenced by the night and day Lindsay spent just after learning of her warrant. Highlights include:
If those aren't the actions of a person who has graduated alcohol education class, I don't know what are. Congrats, Lindsay -- you're doing just fine.
Original post: A warrant has been issued for Lindsay Lohan stemming from her arrest in 2007 for D.U.I. hit and run. According to TMZ:
"The Beverly Hills PD says the warrant is for $50,000 and it was issued in connection with her DUI case back in 2007, for which she is on probation. The PD would not specifically say why they want Lohan, but we think it's a good bet it has something to do with violating the terms of probation ... either failing to attend her alcohol ed courses or, perhaps, not taking or failing a drug test."
How does Julia Roberts look better than she did ten years ago?
Excuse me, but is Julia Roberts getting prettier?
I know, I know. Botox and other cosmetic enhancements have come a long way, but all you have to do is look at a picture of Madonna or Nicole Kidman to know that these beauty aids are heavy on the aid, less so on the actual beauty.
That does not appear to be the case for Miss Julia (who is now 41 and a mother of three), seen here at the premiere for "Duplicity," which also stars hunk of man meat Clive Owen. Check it out:
I don't feel right blogging about the frivolous and ultimately useless celebrity gossip world today, so instead, I am saluting Beehiver-for-life Will Albritton.
Beehive boss -- and Twilight fan -- Kathy has been swamped lately with various endeavors, so, for no good reason, I present to her (and you) a little R. Patts afternoon pick-me-up:
More smoldering looks and hair gel than your heart can stand, after the jump.
Here's a clip of funnier-than-everybody Ricky Gervais commandeering an interview with everyone's favorite Muppet, Kermit Big Bird Snuffleupagus Elmo, on the set of "Sesame Street."
Something tells me this won't air on the popular kid's show (that something is the word "necrophilia"). Check it out:
We all know Joaquin Phoenix hasn't been himself of late, but apparently he thinks he's Amy Winehouse.
While filming his documentary last night in Miami, Phoenix attacked an audience member who was heckling the -- okay, we'll go with rapper for now, until I find a better way to describe him (wait -- nutjob, basketcase, bats*it boy, whacko, Tom Cruise -- there's five ways right there).
Here's the thing. Once Phoenix and his brother-in-law, Casey Affleck, stop filming this ode to Andy Kaufman, who's going to see it? Not only is it all playing out on YouTube in real time, I would be surprised to find a single person who considers this art.
Yesterday when I saw the following pictures of Paris Hilton frolicking on the beach with her latest partner in VD (via Pink is the New Blog -- hence the annoying pink graffiti), I wondered, "Why am I looking at these?" A second later, I thought, "Good grief. Is the paparazzo actually in the water with these two idiots?" (click to enlarge, if you feel that's necessary)
There is no new episode of "Lost" tonight, but today Entertainment Weekly.com posted a picture from next week's episode -- titled "Namaste" -- that looks like a pretty significant spoiler.
I don't pretend to know about fashion (that's Kathy's territory), but I do understand that most runway shows are about presenting a designer's ideas in a very showy, artistic way. What you see on the runway is not what you're going to find on the rack at Macy's.
Still, when I see something overly ridiculous, I feel it should be brought to the public's attention, and then mocked. Take Alexander McQueen's 2009 Fall/Winter runway show. Is it artistic? Yeah. But also kind of silly.
The Nicole Richie award for best beach body goes to ...
Eva Herzigova, Victoria's Secret and Sports Illustrated model, is the new Nicole Richie. While that's never a good thing, in this case, it's horrifying.
Yesterday was Eva's birthday. There's a reason she didn't make the sex symbol birthday post: 36-year old women should never look like emaciated 14-year old girls (or like emaciated, cracked-out Amy Winehouses).
More pictures after the jump, including one of what Herzigova used to look like:
Jon Hamm in a bald cap: still hot. Bailout jokes: not so much
This Funny or Die video isn't all that funny (does that mean someone dies? Is it Will Ferrell?).
Still, it features über-hot Jon Hamm in a bald cap portraying a very irritated Lex Luthor. I have no idea what he's talking about -- I don't speak nerd -- but he looks good saying it.
Anyone else get chills when his voice goes so deep it hardly registers? Just me? Oh.
Did anyone catch the premiere of "Castle" on ABC last night? I DVRed the epsiode, but haven't watched it yet.
After seeing the following video, titled "Nailing Your Wife" from television-channel-for-men Spike's web-based series, "PG Porn," I'm not only going to check out Nathan Fillion in "Castle," I might go rent "Firefly" and "Serenity" as well.
(Ha. Just kidding. What am I, a nerd? I'll just rewatch the episodes he did for the seventh season of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Sunnydale, California: gone, but not forgotten.)
Finally, a car commercial that doesn't make you want to trash your TV
Most car commercials are unbearable. Not as awful as the pharmaceutical ads offering you diarrhea and bleeding ulcers in exchange for clearing up your pet allergies, but still pretty bad.
The problem with car commercials is that they try to sell you on a life you probably will never have: careening around mountain curves with reckless abandon, hauling your boat to the marina with your camera-ready kids who don't fight over space and make only easily wiped up messes in the backseat, loading 75 tons of concrete into the bed of your truck then balancing it on the edge of a cliff...
It just seems like these commercials should reflect real life more accurately. Real life is mundane, filled with petty emotions like jealousy and misplaced superiority, and rife with -- what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yes. Violence.
All right, friends. Time for another round of Guess the Celeb. This time you get no hints, as anything I could say about this person would give it away immediately.
I challenge you, without looking on the Internets, to figure out who this celebrity is. There is no prize involved here, only the satisfaction of being right, or of simply finding out the answer, which I will tell you later today.
Put your best guesses in the comments section. I'll publish your comments later when I reveal the answer so we can see who has a knack for the ultimate in time-wasting online games.
I woke up in a great mood this morning. The sun was shining, so I opened all the blinds to let the light in as I enjoyed a cup of coffee, some fruit and some oatmeal, and caught up on my favorite blogs. As I usually do after breakfast, I got ready to go for a swim in my apartment complex's heated, indoor pool. This is when things fell apart.
The pool is no longer heated. According to the office manager, the heat is turned off in March, and the patio furniture is dragged to the outdoor, unheated pool for those who enjoy swimming in what looks like tree blossom gazpacho. Have you been outside today, friends? It's sunny, yes. But it's also windy and still winter. Swimming weather? Not even close, and, for someone like me who is always freezing cold, it won't be for a few more months.
So, in one fell swoop, there went all my plans to get in shape prior to summer. Unfortunately, I have bad knees (thank you, high school colorguard), so swimming is where exercise begins and ends for me. Is this the worst thing in the world? No. But it's pretty damn irritating.
Before I go vandalize the signs advertising the heated, indoor pool that the apartment manager stills sees fit to display, I want to hear your stories of suck. Why focus on the positive when you can commiserate with those who have it even worse, right? Rant away ...
'Lost' recap: Anybody else totally in love with James LaFleur?
One or two of you may have noticed that there was nary a mention of "Lost" last week on the Beehive. Between the Rogueing and the Art Hopping, I wasn't able to sit down and watch Wednesday night's episode -- titled "LaFleur" -- until days later. It may be late, but I'm ready to talk about it now (and I hope you are too).
There wasn't a whole lot of "Lost" mythology covered in the episode, so instead of the usual trying-to-figure-out-what-it-all-means business, I just want to gush about Sawyer. Maybe it's my ovaries talking, but I loved seeing the transformation of Sawyer from wise-cracking, fuselage-thieving, Hurley-bashing, Jack-envying con man to absolute romantic hero.
Check out the new trailer for 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince'
Last year, when trailers for the sixth Harry Potter movie were being released, it was difficult for me to get really excited. After all, the release date of the film had been pushed from November 2008 to July 2009, and that seemed so far away.
Now that July is within sight, however, I am able to say that the following trailer has gotten me pretty excited for the movie. I'm going to have to go back and revisit the others, but I think I can say that this is my favorite of the trailers that have been released (Sorry, Felicia -- still no Severus Snape in sight).
According to various medical studies, I haven't got much time left
Today while reading web-site-for-women Jezebel, I came across the following disappointing headline:
Women Who Nap Have Greater Risk of Dying
Minutes later, I was assaulted by yet another disturbing piece of information. I must say, things are not looking so good for this blogger:
Study Finds Optimistic Women Live Longer
Well that's that. Say good bye to me now. And someone please remember that I want Cool Ranch Doritos and vodka tonics served at my funeral while *NSYNC's "Bye Bye Bye" plays
on repeat.
UPDATED Rogue Festival gripe: Is it me, or is it hot in here?
UPDATE: At the suggestion of Dianna's South co-manager, Kate McKnight, I attended another show at the venue last night, and found it to be quite comfortable. The A/C was working nicely, and it helped that the show wasn't sold out (sorry, Cupid), so I could relax a little in my seat.
While I agree with Roguemaster Marcel Nunis, who says on his blog that "As a potential audience member I can let things slide during a tech rehearsal... not a performance I paid to see. From a festival standpoint this reflects poorly with performers and audiences alike," I definitely do not hold a grudge. Luckily, I was able to go back and see for myself that things were made right.
Dianna's South = back in my good graces, and a venue at which I will happily see more Rogue performances.
Oh, and one more thing. One of the kind people taking the money at last night's show shushed me as I was talking loudly and acting a fool outside the venue, just prior to the show starting. To him I say: Good for you, friend! Clearly I need some Rogue schooling myself, and it's nice to see someone on point in that respect.
Overheard at the Nees & Blackstone In 'N Out drive through
"Add another burger patty -- jus' the patty -- for m' dog, wouldja?"
-- Hollered to the startled girl taking orders outside of In 'N Out Burger by an old man in a red truck whose window wouldn't roll down.
The man opened the door, ordered, started to pull up, threw the truck in reverse, opened the door again, shouted out his dog's order, then pulled up
to pay.
Overheard twenty seconds later: "He scares me."
-- Startled In 'N Out employee
Denny's breakfast menu inspires the greatest song ever
Wondering what to have for breakfast? Try God's word.
But if you're still feeling peckish, the following video is chock full of other, less holy ideas, with a heaping handful of awesomeness thrown in for good measure.
I've said it so many times before, but this time I really mean it: God bless the Internet.
Fres-Know: Anyone else sick of white blossoms dotting their windshield?
It's all the local news and stuff from the blogosphere that you need to Fres-Know.
PRETTY AS A: The Bee photo blog is getting gorgeous now that the landscape is starting to change with the weather. Photo by Mark Crosse. [Bee There]
SERVE AND PROTECT: Think Fresno cops need a timeout? At least you're not a 15-year old girl living
in Seattle. [estewartartist]
PROP H8TE: Still unhappy with the passing of Prop 8? Gather with others for a vigil program, recommitment ceremony, speakers and a moment of silence tomorrow at the Fresno County Clerk's office. [Queer Fresno]
OLD-TIMEY PORN: Erotic drawings were found -- and then stolen -- during renovation of downtown's Hotel Virginia. Police are looking for the one person in Fresno who has never heard of the Internet. [Bee Business Blog]
WELCOME TO THE 'NETS: Friend-to-the-Beehive Marietta Dalpez has launched a new blog on the CBS47 site titled "Amuse-Bouche with Marietta." Amuse-Bouche in French translates to "mouth amuser." Do what you will with that information. [Amuse-Bouche with Marietta]
WELL, MAYBE SOME: Are all artists simply self-promoting, hipster d-bags? Art Hop is this week, so you can find out for yourself. [The Collegian]
CREATIVE HATING: You know you're someone special when people take the time to draw pictures illustrating how much they hate you (me = jealous). [This is Conlan]
SMOOTH CRIMINALS: Busted by your moms? Unfortunate. Busted while hot-boxing your car on a public street? At least you won't care for awhile. [Fresno Bee, Fresno Bee]
50-year old Madonna is rebounding from her failed marriage to Guy Ritchie with a 22-year old Brazilian model named Jesus Luz. Madonna of course invented the older woman/younger man thing, so none of this is shocking, but what I'm wondering is: at her age, does it reek of desperation?
I say yes. Though I don't think there's anything wrong with dating a younger man, the age difference here -- 28 years for those who can't do the math -- is ridiculous. Jesus is a mere ten years older than Madonna's daughter, Lourdes.
And the old standby argument, "Well, men have been doing this for years" holds no water with me. A 50-year old man dating a 22-year old girl looks like a desperate idiot, too (James Woods, I'm looking right at you).
Madonna is clearly trying to prove to somebody that she still has it. I think this proves that she does not.
But you tell me: Madonna and Jesus. Desperate act of a washed-up old hag or female empowerment to the nth degree?
How to behave at Rogue (i.e. Things your mama should have taught you)
Last night was the first official night for the Rogue Festival, and it would appear that things are running smoothly. However, now might be a good time to brush up on our manners, Fresno. Yes, it's a fringe festival, but that doesn't mean we are allowed to let decorum fall by the wayside.
Here are some gentle reminders about what is and isn't okay -- not just at the Rogue Festival, but in life.
Cell phones suck. You know I hate them already, but when I hear them going off during a performance, I get nearly homicidal. During last night's performance of "The Rap Guide to Evolution," two cell phones went off -- one was loud enough to break Baba Brinkman's concentration, prompting him to trail off mid-rap (though, professional that he is, he brushed it off with a clever, "that rap just went extinct..." and started again). Seriously, don't be that person. Turn your phone off before you enter the venue, and leave it off.
Cutest damn thing ever: Shiloh Jolie-Pick or Kardashian Chimp
I just cannot decide which I find cuter today: Shiloh Jolie-Pitt picking her tiny, little adorable nose on her way out of the theater after seeing "The Little Mermaid" on Broadway, or this tiny, little adorable chimpanzee that Kim Kardashian rented and then exploited on her TV show.
Waaaaaait a second. You can rent chimps? Where's my credit card?!
Spoilers. No, seriously. Don't read this if you didn't watch "Lost" last night.
So. What did we all think of "The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham"?
Instead of trying to put together some kind of coherent assessment of last night's episode -- which was chock full of revelations -- I'm going to present the notes I took while watching the show, like a live blog, only dead. Dead blog. Because Jeremy Bentham is dead. Get it?
Here we go (props to anyone who can get through this):
-- Whoa! Immediately we're on the island. I was so wrong. It's new castaways. I smell a spin-off! Have to rewind the DVR -- where exactly is Caesar? In a Dharma hatch? If they've landed in the 1970s (as we're led to believe from last week), maybe it's just a Dharma camp of some kind? Daniel Faraday's office?
-- Locke was right from the beginning: it's a magic island. When he first landed there, he escaped paralysis. The second time, he escaped death.
Hi, kids. The Internets suck today, so we're gonna play a new game I just made up called "Who's the Bigger Idiot?"
The following video features a news report about a guy who called 911 when the Burger King he was at ran out of lemonade (click here if you can't see the video):
Here we go. Who is the bigger idiot?
A.) The man, who has no understanding of the purpose of 911
B.) The Burger King employee, who should have just given him Sprite and told him it was lemonade
C.) The 911 operator who, instead of hanging up immediately, tries to argue with the man about the preparation time of fast food (food service secret: it was ready before you went to bed last night, guy)
D.) Intrepid reporter Liz Quirantes, who is going to get that spot on "Dateline" no matter who she has to kill for it
Don't worry about a prize for guessing correctly. In this game, we all lose.
P.S. Because the Internets are so lacking today, take a look at this list of the 99 things you should already have seen online (viral videos, etc.). Shockingly, there are some things even I haven't seen, but that will soon be remedied. I guess there's no going back now ...
And get ready for a whole lot more of the Jesus imagery because tonight's episode of "Lost," titled "'The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham," is all about what happens to John Locke after he turns the island's wheel of fortune and finds himself back in civilization (hint: he dies!)
Of course, everything on "Lost" means something and that includes characters' names. In this week's episode pre-analysis, Entertainment Weekly's Jeff Jensen helpfully breaks down John Locke vs. Jeremy Bentham for those of us who fell asleep in Philosophy class:
"Jeremy Bentham was a 18th century English ethicist and founding father of legal positivism, which stands in opposition to natural law, which was promoted by...17th century English philosopher John Locke, one of the founding fathers of the so-called Age of Reason.
The castaway formerly known as Locke has chosen a namesake that literally mocks his previous namesake."
Interesting. Civilization Bentham is the antithesis to Island Locke. Perhaps that's how he manages to turn the ever-doubtful Jack into a true believer. An even more interesting tidbit from Jensen about the real-life Bentham after the jump (stop reading now if you prefer to watch "Lost" completely blind, i.e. without back story, theory or possible teasers):
Cutest damn thing ever: 'Slumdog Millionaire' kids at Disneyland
Yesterday I awoke in such a sour mood that the idea of spending the day sifting through online stories about Matchstick Legs Lohan and Wonk-Eye Hilton made my stomach churn; hence, no blog posts from me.
Today, however, I awoke to the sun shining, and decided to give the Internets a chance. I'm glad I did because I was rewarded with the following picture of the adorable kids from "Slumdog Millionaire" spending the day after their movie won big at the Academy Awards at my favorite place, Disneyland:
Warms the heart. Unlike this picture I saw last week of a certain acting couple's child at Disney World:
Proving that there are no small parts, only small(ish) actors, Val Kilmer puts on the King's crown to ride in the Krewe of Bacchus New Orleans Mardi Gras Parade.
My goodness, Val. A lady always sits with her knees together.
My friend, Mike Osegueda, likes to freak people out by telling them I've never had Jack in the Box tacos. I've also never tried a Filet O' Fish from McDonald's, but this doesn't seem to bother him.
Happily, there's good news on the horizon for taco lovers like Mike: Jack in the Box is giving out two free tacos to its customers this Tuesday, February 24, only. You can get your coupon for the free tacos here.
Is this going to entice me to get over the weird cheese slices and finally try a Jack in the Box taco? No. Unless Mike Oz personally delivers the tacos to my door Tuesday afternoon (I sleep late, thus I eat late).
Chris Brown's apology vs Rihanna's beaten face: Which makes you more sick to your stomach?
Last week Chris Brown released the following statement apologizing for allegedly beating the hell out of his girlfriend, Rihanna. Went like this:
"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person. Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writings under my name are frauds."
I bolded that part in the middle because I feel it's important to keep it in mind while you take a look at the following photo of Rihanna's face, taken right after her altercation with Brown. The photo was reportedly leaked by the LAPD to TMZ:
Spoilers. No, seriously. Don't read this if you didn't watch "Lost" last night.
I don't usually recap episodes of "Lost" -- and I'm not going to here -- because they are way beyond my scope of comprehension. However, I feel it is necessary to acknowledge last night's episode due to its complete awesomeness
[read: it answered soooo many questions].
Look at the list (definitely incomplete) of stuff we learned:
The Hand Bra: Hey, here's something that doesn't need to exist
I just want to go on record right now with my opinion of the Hand Bra as an acceptable lingerie choice: No. My opinion is a big, fat "No." What's a Hand Bra? Sadly, this:
Obviously, this is a gag version. Unfortunately, and for reasons I can't begin to fathom, a real version appears to be in the works (possibly NSFW):
I admit it. A couple of years ago, when mystery after mystery was being piled on, and nothing was being explained, and ABC was jerking viewers around by switching up the time and day the showed aired, I gave up on "Lost." But now I'm back in a big way, and can't seem to get enough.
This season of the show has been incredible, and tonight's episode, titled "316," promises to keep the streak going.
Don't worry: I'm not going to give up any spoilers here in this post. But if, like me, you don't mind gearing up for the episode with a couple of teasers, Entertainment Weekly has got the lowdown on what's happened so far, and what is going to happen. Good stuff!
Random thoughts brought about by a picture of a cat in a mixing bowl
The following picture from Cute Overload of a cat in a bowl is super adorable and definitely awww-inspiring, but my first thought when I saw it was: "Hey now. My mom has that mixing bowl."
My mom (like her mom) does not believe in throwing away perfectly goodacceptable existing kitchen supplies, even if they've been around for 40 years. Some, like the bright orange mixing bowl (which we were never allowed to actually mix anything in), are still truckin' and have become so vintage they're cool again.
However, the white Corelle plates with the green flower border (you know exactly which ones I'm talking about) have got to go. I don't care if they were built to last -- like the denim newsboy cap, some things were just meant to live and die in the 1970s.
Lindsay Lohan is claiming that her newly svelte emaciated figure is due to the fact that she's been working a lot, and insists that she has never weighed herself in her life.
Here's the thing. Lindsay and I have both been on the same work schedule lately [read: none. no work], so I know a little about what happens to one's body when you have all the time in the world to sit around and eat. And believe you me, it's not this.
Me thinks someone is regurgitating (bulimia joke. zing!) that sure-fire way of getting attention: become wayyyy too skinny and then watch as your face magically appears on magazine covers.
It's worked for Lindsay before, and let's face it, in these trying economic times, not eating is much more financially responsible than going through half of Colombia's coke supply, no?
Sorry, guys: Salma Hayek is officially off the market.
According to People, Hayek married her baby daddy, French businessman Francois-Henri Pinault, Saturday in Paris.
So what does it take to land one of the most beautiful women in the world? Charm? Good looks? An amazing sense of humor? Perhaps.
Being worth an estimated $16.9 billion probably doesn't hurt, either. That's billion.
With a 'B'.
Enjoy your new toys, Francois. You're going to need the memory of them to get you through the dark days when the inevitable divorce settlement comes through.
'The Office': Keep Pam and Jim apart forever, please
I need to watch last night's episode of "The Office," the second half to last week's "Lecture Circuit," again because, after just one watch, I think it might have sucked.
Here are my problems with the episode, in descending order of importance:
1. Not particularly funny. I think I laughed out loud once, when Jim, in an effort to belittle Dwight's effeminate (Festive!) sign announced to the office that the party had been pushed to three. Stanley's response, "I know. I read it on the sign" was awesome, classic Stanley.
2. Uncomfortable, and not in a good way. Who else thought Pam was going to deliver a kick-ass presentation after Michael melted down and out the door (backwards) and then was bummed when she didn't? Also, Michael's explanation in the last scene of everything that's wrong with former employee Tony -- namely, that he's a "big, fat fatty" -- seemed to go on forever, and made me cringe and shake my head. Too much.
3. No Holly. What was the point in making this a two-parter focused on Michael seeking out Holly if Holly wasn't going to be there? Her absence seems even more ridiculous in light of the fact that Karen showed up for a fairly useless appearance in the first half. Why drag out the storyline for two weeks and then not deliver?
4. Angela licking her cat. Really? I know she's Crazy Cat Lady, but come on.
Stretch marks are the least of your problems when you're carrying a litter
Believe me, I am in no way trying to hate on motherhood today. It's not for everybody, and I always thought maybe it's not for me. I no longer think that.
I KNOW THAT, thanks to the following picture that appeared on TMZ today. It shows the OctoMommy eight days before giving birth to her litter.
Not for the squeamish (i.e. those who have to close their eyes right before the baby alien pops out of that dude's stomach in "Alien").
Salma Hayek uses her mammoth mammaries for a good cause -- I think
Video of Salma Hayek putting her amazing breasts to good use while on a goodwill trip to Africa last year is making the rounds on the Internet, but probably not for the reason you'd hope think. In the video, Salma breastfeeds another woman's malnourished child.
Look, I don't know much about starvation, or what it's like to not be able to feed your child, but having another woman whip out a boob and stick your child's face in it -- that's kind of weird, right?
I mean, props to Salma for not being afraid to help out, but that might be going above and beyond. Am I wrong? Is it weird or is Salma right to single-handedly try and feed Africa? Really, if anyone could do it, it would be her (sorry, Angelina -- try weighing more than your 4-year old and then we'll see what you can do).
It probably doesn't help the creepy factor knowing that Salma did an interview last year claiming to be addicted to breastfeeding. Clearly.
You be the judge. Video of Salma feeding the kid after the jump. (NSFW? Eh, maybe a little.)
Web site sure to knock the Double Double out of your hands
Having trouble with those New Year's resolutions -- particularly the one that states "Thou shalt not eat three or more Big Macs a week"?
Just in time for lunch, check out the following pictures from This is Why You're Fat. They're sure to get you in the frame of mind to run a couple hundred times around the block. I'm joghing inn plac e whillle I type this, as amtter of f a c t./
Just when you thought the Chris Brown/Rihanna thing couldn't get uglier
By now you've heard about singer Chris Brown turning himself in and posting bail on charges stemming from an attack on his girlfriend Rihanna. The alleged assault forced both singers to cancel appearances at the Grammys, caused Wrigley to pull commercials featuring Brown, made Rihanna postpone a concert this week in Malaysia, and is now said to have forced Rihanna to cancel her upcoming 21st birthday party.
Details from the police report are starting to leak, and in case you aren't already disgusted by how a successful, talented 19-year old could abuse his equally young and successful girlfriend, take a look at the list of injuries Rihanna is said to have suffered (per TMZ):
"...the photos show major contusions on both sides of the singer's face -- there is serious swelling and bruising. Her lip is split and her nose bloody. We have now confirmed there are bite marks on one of her arms and on several fingers.
And we now know this... Rihanna claims Brown struck her with his fists and that's what did the damage. There was no object used in the alleged attack."
Jessica Simpson has more of a sense of humor than the rest of us
I admit it. I called Jessica Simpson fat recently. Twice. I should have remembered what I learned from "Mean Girls," which is this: Calling someone fat doesn't make you any thinner (and my bathroom scale, which is mad at me right now, will certainly attest to that).
Here's the thing: Jessica Simpson doesn't give a sh*t if you think she's fat, and here's proof:
Wearing the same style Daisy Dukes that she wore when she was at her thinnest/fittest sends a giant eff you to everyone who's called Jessica large in the past couple of weeks. I can't help but respect that kind of bravado.
Sigh. Two Jessicas have won me over now. If I start respecting the third one, I just might have to retire from this gossip thing.
Separated at Birth: Robert Downey Jr. and Mike Damone
The following picture of Robert Downey Jr. scares the crap out of me, mostly because he looks like what I imagine he looked like when he was strung out and taking naps in his neighbors' houses, but partly because he looks like Mike Damone (Robert Romanus) from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" -- and I find that hot.
Geek out a little before tonight's episode of 'Lost'
As I mentioned in last week's Obsessions post, reading "Lost" recaps the morning after each new episode airs has become one of my favorite ways to pass the time. Well, it turns out that reading speculation pieces before the episodes air is raging fun, as well.
Before tonight's episode, titled "The Little Prince," airs, read up on what Entertainment Weekly's Doc Jensen has to say about the significance of the episode's title, and then check out the latest episode of his informative and amusing video series, "Totally Lost," (spoilers!) where he shares his thoughts on last week's episode, plus gives teasers about what's to come in this week's.
Update: Answer after the jump. The guesses were fantastic, though. Props to everyone who got it correct, and bigger props to those who guessed Sarah Palin, Matthew Fashion or me.
Original post: Middle of the morning! Time for a game.
The following picture is of a famous celebrity. Can you guess which celebrity? Put your guesses in the comments section, and come back for the answer this afternoon (sorry -- no prize for knowing, except an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment).
YouTube Battle: Young Michael Phelps vs. The Unusual Suspect
It's time for another Mike Oz vs. Heather YouTube Battle. We both think we have a make-your-day YouTube, so we're turning it over to you, The Beehive commenters, to decide which video is more amusing.
Mike Oz: Is there anything better than a high 7-year-old? Look at young David trying to rationalize what's going on with him after a trip to the dentist, asking questions like "Is this real life?" Somebody get the kid some Doritos.
Heather: Well, if I could, I'd post the video of the porn clip that appeared on Comcast customers' TVs in Tucson during the Super Bowl. It's pure comedy.
Barack Obama not too bummed to be booted off US Weekly cover
While interviewing President Obama, Matt Lauer asked him how it felt to be booted off the cover of US Weekly by Jessica Simpson's fat ass. Obama's response?
So. How did everyone enjoy "Stress Relief," the one-hour episode of "The Office" that ran after the Super Bowl?
Five minutes into the episode, I got a text from a friend who summed up the first half of the show nicely: "They're trying too hard." He was right: as much as I appreciated Dwight's fire safety antics (Angela throwing Bandit into the ceiling at Oscar was great, more so because I love that Angela is so lonely at work after losing her fiancée and her lovah that she has to store a feline companion in a drawer), it definitely seemed like the writers had emptied their bag of tricks all at once in an effort to keep those drunk Super Bowl fans from turning the channel over to "Wipeout" after the game was over.
Let me get out of the way what I didn't like:
The hour-long format. I've never liked "The Office" at an hour. Jim and Pam. Wow, did they bring down the episode. Also, stop teasing us with "Oh no! Are they break up?!" scenarios every week. Tiiiiired. "Special" guest stars. Jessica Alba. Jack Black and Cloris Leachman were so useless and unnecessary in this episode, I'm not going to spend anymore time talking about them. Jim's roast of Michael. Come on, man! You've been practicing this for years, and all you've got is "spiderface"?
Slap Chop. I'm sure by now you've seen the commercial starring Vince (of ShamWow fame), who I'm convinced is the product of Eddie Haskell and Biff Tannen sharing one drunken but beautiful night together in Tijuana thirty years ago. Sample dialogue from this smooth-talker: "You're gonna love my nuts!" "Stop having boring tuna; stop having a boring life."
The commercial is genius, but the product itself fascinates me. It takes care of all your chopping needs with minimal effort from you -- simply get out all your aggression by beating the hell out of a contraption with the capacity to hold enough food to feed 1-2 field mice.
Check out the commercial below, and then get in line, friends. I'm on hold trying to order this thing right now. No, not really, but I am trying to find out whether Vince is single. That McDonald's drive-thru earpiece is working for me. I bet he smells like garlic and Dep hair gel.
Win the 2009 Campari calendar featuring Jessica Alba
**Update** We have a winner. Thanks for playing!
Original post: This is it, folks. As mentioned earlier, now's your chance to win the 2009 Campari calendar featuring Jessica Alba lying around in various swimsuits drinking alcohol and thinking.
The eighth person to comment on this post wins the calendar (no multiple entries, please). Include a valid email address so we can verify the winner. Comments won't be posted until the winner is determined. Rules are posted after the jump.
Jessica Alba uses Wikipedia to school those who doubt her intelligence
This post contains information about a giveaway -- keep reading!
Recently, Jessica Alba was quoted in an interview as saying, "Be neutral! Be Sweden about it!", which prompted a whole bunch of people to jump on the actress, claiming she had confused Sweden with Switzerland.
I find it depressing that in the midst of perhaps the most salient time in our country's history, individuals are taking it upon themselves to encourage negativity and stupidity. Last week, Mr. Bill O'Reilly and some really classy sites (i.e.TMZ) insinuated I was dumb by claiming Sweden was a neutral country. I appreciate the fact that he is a news anchor and that gossip sites are inundated with intelligent reporting, but seriously people...it's so sad to me that you think the only neutral country during WWII was Switzerland. Check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweden_during_World_War_II if you want to see what I was referring to. I appreciate the name calling and the accurate reporting. Keep it up!!
This is twice in a row I've had to give Jessica Alba props on this blog (the first was for calling Bill O'Reilly an a-hole on camera to his very own Fox minions), so to celebrate my newfound respect for her, I am going to give away the 2009 Campari calendar featuring Jessica in a variety of swimsuity pictures (beauty, brains and booze -- the trifecta of hotness, right at your fingertips).
Details, and a few pictures from the calendar after the jump.
PETA once again tries too hard with a softcore ad for vegetables
PETA: good intentions; questionable and sometimes downright ridiculous methods. I will never understand how degrading women is an acceptable way to save animals, but for some reason PETA seems to think this is the only way to go.
The message of the following PETA ad, which the group claims was banned by NBC and deemed too racy for the Super Bowl, is clear: eat vegetables or else hot women will have sex with them. (slightly NSFW)
How badly do Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt want Oscars?
Not having much luck on the awards show circuit (both have been nominated umpteen times; to my knowledge, neither has won), the Most Beautiful Couple on Earth™ are bringing out the big guns, right smack dab in the middle of Academy Award voting time.
The big guns being, of course, Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's twins, who were born in July and have not seen by the public's prying eyes until just now (plus those other four kids they've had for awhile). Coincidence? Me thinks not.
Oh, who cares. It's tough to be cynical when staring at quite possibly the cutest family ever. Let the preciousness wash over your cold, dark heart ...
Cutest damn thing ever: Joel McHale or Stains the dog?
I can't decide what's cuter in this clip from "The Soup": Joel McHale, looking all kinds of hot in that gray suit and the little bit of face stubble, or Stains the dog, who goes catatonic when faced with a plate full of cupcakes.
Whoa, Jessica Simpson. I get it. Your younger, slightly dumber sister just crapped out a little emo baby, and you don't have an actual job or anything, so you're feeling needy and want to be around your boyfriend Tony every minute of the day, and it's chili season, so maybe that's not helping, but listen: they're not going to let you play for the Dallas Cowboys. They're just not.
McSteamy breaks a bone on 'Grey's Anatomy.' Yep, that bone
GREY'S ANATOMY SPOILERS!
On last night's episode of "Grey's Anatomy," Dr. Mark Sloan "broke" his penis while having sex in the on-call room with Dr. Lexie Grey, the human equivalent of a bowl of oatmeal (and not the good kind with the maple and brown sugar, either).
McSteamy [I hereby revoke that name due to his recent choice in sex partners] Dr. Sloan screamed and made some convincingly terrified faces which resulted in an equally terrified America racing to the Internet after the episode was over to see if it is, in fact, possible to break one's pocket rocket. Guess what? It is.
Some parental watchdog group with way too much time on its hands (I won't be more specific than that; I'm pretty sure they're all the same and that description suffices), has demanded that Britney Spears change the lyrics to a song she's recorded titled "If You Seek Amy."
The group's complaint is that the song is inappropriate, and should not be played on the radio between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. because the lyric "If you seek Amy" when coming out of the mouth of Britney Spears sounds like "Eff you see kay me" (Sorry, I have to write it phonetically. Say it out loud if you still don't get it).
Here's the thing: so what? At this point, can't we give Britney Spears a little room to be dirty? As a mentally unbalanced, private parts-baring, divorced mother of two, she no longer functions as a role model for kids. If she wants to spell bad words in her songs, she should have that right. I haven't listened to the radio lately, but I doubt it's the most inappropriate song in rotation right now.
Unfortunately, Britney (or, more appropriately, Britney's taskmasters) still worries about offending all the states in the middle of the country, so a radio-friendly version of the song, changing the lyric to "If you see Amy," has been submitted to radio stations.
Here's the song. Maybe it's NSFW, maybe it isn't. The only thing I'm certain of is that it sucks.
Cutest damn thing ever: Emile Hirsch or Kingston Rossdale?
It's so very rare that I see pictures of celebrities on the internet that make me go "Awww..." so lately I have decided to try to point them out whenever I see them. Last time it was baby bear Verne Troyer and zombie Mila Kunis.
This time I present to you Emile Hirsch teaching his adult girlfriend how to ride a bicycle, and Gwen Stefani's 2-year old son, Kingston, wearing a cape and learning how to fly (yes, he's a celebrity. Sad but true).
Forget wondering how flaming arrows suddenly appear from the sky, why I never noticed Frogurt before season five, who Daniel Faraday's mom is, or why Hurley hasn't been tapped to pitch for the island's intramural softball league (Hot Pockets!), the biggest mystery from last night's episodes of "Lost" is ...
Kevin Federline wowed by the onion volcano at [Fresno restaurant]
Kevin Federline, his new girlfriend Victoria Prince, and his babies by Britney Spears were all in Fresno enjoying the fine teppanyaki experience at Yoshino Japanese Kitchen(?) this weekend and somebody had the good sense to bust out the cell phone camera and snap photos (and the even better sense to sell the photos to TMZ). Nicely handled, Fresno.
Somehow I feel closer to Kevin knowing we both enjoy Yoshino's fried rice teppanyaki. Maybe a little too much, eh, Kev?
Jessica Alba thinks Bill O'Reilly is 'kind of an a-hole'
I never in my life thought I'd find respect for Jessica Alba, but after hearing the following fantastic soundbytes she gave Fox News about talking gasbag Bill O'Reilly, I -- well, I still don't have much respect for her. But she certainly sucks less than before.
Watch as Jessica gives O'Reilly flashbacks to when he was in high school and the cheerleaders would laugh in his face and trip him in the halls:
Spongebob Squarepants soaks up Ewan McGregor's sexiness
Here are Ewan McGregor and Spongebob Squarepants promoting their film "I Love You Phillip Morris" while at the Sundance Film Festival. The film is about a nearly indecipherable yet smoking hot Scotsman who falls in love with a mentally challenged sea sponge in prison for money laundering, and the fallout from their illicit affair. Zexy!
It's been a big day for Barack Obama: getting to hear Aretha Franklin sing (the hat -- why?), clumsily being sworn in as the 44th president, watching Dick Cheney's old ass get wheeled out to the curb... the man could probably use a nap.
And where better to rest his head of state than on a Nigerian-made Mouka pillow? Thanks to this fabulously Photoshopped ad we can all imagine the happy look on the President's face as he lays himself down for a quick disco nap prior to the balls and parties being thrown in his honor tonight. Can't you practically hear him settling in and letting the day go with a contented and satisfied sigh?
Sleep well, Mr. President.
(*whisper*) Sleep well.
A very eager MTV reporter got Michael Cera -- the lone hold out for the "Arrested Development" movie -- to talk about whether he will or won't rejoin the cast. Unfortunately, in the following video we learn very little from his response save this: George Michael Bluth might be kind of a dick.
Could that mumbling, nerdy, good guy schtick be just that -- schtick? Maybe Cera's a better actor than I thought.
Joaquin Phoenix is actually a pretty decent rapper
Dude, I can't lie on Martin Luther King Jr. day. Joaquin suuuuuucks.
And why is he rapping over the drum beat from the Battle Hymn of the Republic*? Never mind -- I know why. Joaquin has allegedly tapped Diddy to help with his "rap album" (I'm still not buying it), and Civil War songs are the only ones Diddy hasn't sampled his way through yet.
Here is Joaquin doing his best House of Pain impression, minus the being able to stay upright part:
Bee reporter Diana Marcum is currently in Washington following Fresno's Mayberry family as they make the journey to watch Barack Obama become the 44th president of the United States.
Typically, Diana is getting really good stuff (you'll never believe who sat behind her on the plane to Washington), so be sure to check out her posts here.
Joaquin Phoenix gave up acting to become a rapper? Shenanigans
Joaquin Phoenix, who appears to be slowly but surely losing his marbles, performed at a club the other night in Las Vegas in his quest to become the next great rap star. Yes, rap star. According to Phoenix, he has retired from acting to become a full-time rapper. (See video of the performance here)
Here's the thing: I don't for a moment believe this. Joaquin's brother-in-law, Casey Affleck (brother to Ben), was there to film the performance as part of a documentary the duo are making about Joaquin's journey to rap god, and that's more than a little suspicious to me. Casey seems like a pretty smart guy with a good head on his shoulders. I doubt he would want any part of these shenanigans.
No, I believe the two are making a documentary about how easy it is to fool people -- gossip bloggers particularly, who are of course running with this rap career story -- into believing just about anything. I'm willing to bet this is all some elaborate ruse to pull one over on the gullible public.
I mean, Joaquin is off his rocker, for sure, but is he batsh*t crazy? Yeah, okay. Still not a rapper, though.
Or a frequent bather, as the picture at right would indicate.
Living in a country chock full of idiots willing to try anything they see on TV, you'd think there'd be multiple accounts of the following story every winter. (Make sure to read the police officer's parting quote in a very solemn, head-shaking voice -- it gives the story a delightfully misplaced gravitas.)
A North Hammond boy learned a valuable lesson about tongues and freezing metal Tuesday night.
Police were called to the 3900 block of Hohman Avenue shortly after 8:30 p.m. and found the 10-year-old with his tongue stuck to a streetlight pole.
The Field Elementary School fourth-grader managed to mumble to police that a friend had dared him to lick the fixture.
By the time an ambulance arrived, the boy had managed to yank himself away from the light pole, police said.
Medics explained to the boy's mother, whom they described as "pretty upset," how to care for his bleeding tongue.
"You'd think everybody in the country had seen 'A Christmas Story' by now," said a police officer at the scene who asked to remain anonymous. "Remember what happened to Flick."
Katie Holmes' new ad is trying to tell us something
For those of you who have trouble seeing symbolism in visual representations, let me break down what Katie Holmes is saying in her new ad for Miu Miu.
Being married to Tom Cruise is:
About really expensive clothes.
About glamour with a "u", like how our British friends, the Beckhams, would spell it if they could spell.
About burning desire. Just kidding.
About looking like a man androgynous-sexy.
About keeping very still so he doesn't know I'm home. About being numb. So, so numb. Dear god, I just want to feel something, anything. Maybe putting my hand in this fire will wake me up and I'll go back to being Katie Holmes and that unrecognizable robot Kate Cruise will cease to exist and --
About keeping to the script.
This is where you come in. I want to know what's happening in Fresno tonight through the weekend. Feel free to shamelessly plug your event, or simply offer up whatever suggestions you might have for a fun weekend.
Wanna talk about what you wish you were doing this weekend, or what you plan to do in upcoming weekends: go right the hell ahead. It's your weekend open thread ...
Less believable as a model: Katie Holmes or Victoria Beckham?
I can't think of two women I'd less rather dress/look like than Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham (oh wait -- Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. That was easier than I thought.), but apparently Miu Miu and Armani do not share my views on fashion.
So, who are you less likely to buy as a fashion model: Sad Clown Holmes or Stick Figure Beckham?
Fres-Know: The healing power of crystal skulls and pornography
It's all the local news and stuff from the blogosphere that you need to Fres-Know.
MEET MAX: Thanks to Indiana Jones, we all know what a crystal skull is. Now's your chance to experience the spirituality and healing power of one in person. For a fee, of course. [Late Update]
SPEAKING OF ALIEN THINGIES: California had its first mass UFO sighting over 112 years ago, and apparently it was visible in Fresno. Remember when people could see the sky? Quaint. [Weird Fresno]
FINAL CHAPTER? 104-year old Gottschalks files for bankruptcy. Anyone under the age of 104 upset about this? [Bee business blog]
FILMCENTRIC: Can the film industry save Fresno? Here's a suggestion: The porn industry's asking for a bailout, perhaps low-cost Fresno could become the new Porn Valley. Brown chicken, brown cow. [Fresnocentric]
BUILDING BLOG: Last chance to read Brandon De Young's "Extreme Makeover" blog before Ty Pennington blows out your eardrums hollering "Move that bus!" [Bee news blog]
REALLY? Fresno has been ranked number 22 in a list of America's fittest cities. Yes, you read that right: Fittest. KFed? Want to weigh in on this? [Men's Fitness]
PHENOM: You should already be familiar with Fresno rapper Fashawn, but if you aren't, here's a handy
introductory video. [estewartartist]
TRIPPIN': What's Jim Boren smoking? And more importantly, where can I get some of that good heart
medicine sh*t? [Opinion Talk]
Cutest damn thing ever: Zombie Mila Kunis or Teddy Bear Verne Troyer?
I can't decide which of the following images I find more adorable: Mila Kunis in zombie makeup for a photo shoot or Verne Troyer in a teddy bear costume for the UK's "Celebrity Big Brother."
Michael Cera still holding up 'Arrested Development' movie
Michael Cera still has not come to a decision whether he will grace the "Arrested Development" movie with his awkward, cousin-loving presence, and this is apparently what is holding up production on the film.
"I think you really have to get him on the phone to get his answer about whether he's going to come back and do it or not. I know he's thinking about it, and we're all awaiting some finality to that."
"I do feel bad that people are a little misinformed about what's going on with him," Bateman said. "He's certainly not said that he won't do it. I think he's, you know, Michael is clearly the guy that has come out of 'Arrested Development' with a very, very big plate. And so I think he's trying to really give some responsible thought to what makes sense for him to do with his career.
"The guy's 20 years old and I'm sure he doesn't want to screw up this opportunity, and trying to figure out whether an 'Arrested Development' film would be right for him and his future, I think, again, he's just trying to give responsible time to that decision. And he may or may not have come to a decision. I really can't speak to that."
Ryan Seacrest amazingly still allowed to interact with other people
Our friend Brodiemash at The Dumb Drum linked today to this amazing video of respected media icon and
all around cool guy, Ryan Seacrest, trying to high-five a blind contestant on "American Idol" last night.
I don't want to spoil the video for you, so I won't tell you what happens.
(Hint: Nothing happens. Because the guy is blind and can't see Seacrest's sweaty, raised hand.)
The Hollywood Reporter reports that Will Smith's remake of "The Karate Kid" starring Smith's son, Jaden, as the young karate protegé is moving along, and that Jackie Chan is in negotiations to play the Mr Miyagi role (sorry, Mike Oz; apparently Danny DeVito was busy).
The setting of the action will move from the United States to China. In the original movie, Mr. Miyagi originated from Okinawa, Japan, the birthplace of karate, but clearly that is an unimportant detail in a movie about karate.
The film will be directed by Harald Zwart, who did "Agent Cody Banks," so it's obvious this picture is going to be aimed at the tweens and younger set. This means that when it is released, those of us old enough to remember and love the original can go ahead and pretend it doesn't exist at all, much like those bedtime-stories-become-real-life movies Brendan Fraser and Adam Sandler keep crapping out every week.
More fallout from the NPH-hosted 'Saturday Night Live'
This effing song has been in my head for three days now. I've been trying to exorcise it using a continuous loop of Britney Spears' "Womanizer," but no go.
Dear baby Jesus in the manger: Please. Make. It. Stop.
All right, all right. The Fresno Beehive community has spoken, and it's
love all around for Miss Anne Hathaway. Clearly none of you has seen "Bride Wars" yet.
Now that you've set me straight and shown Anne the love, show how much
you know about her film résumé, and her degrees of connection to Fresno.
You know how it works: tie Anne to Fresno through her co-stars, friends,
family and/or relationships.
And whatever you do, don't click to enlarge the picture if you're scared of clowns.
(I'm sorry, but I can't. I can't not say it.)
Here's video of that annoying little gnat Ryan Seacrest being ignored by the beautiful people (that would be Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, mayhaps you've heard of them) on the red carpet at the Golden Globe Awards Sunday. I love how Angelina is so over Hollywood now, she no longer suffers fools.
[Bonus! Look for a shot of My Boyfriend Jim Halpert™ at the end of the clip.]
Last night I was hungry and in the mood for gross, greasy, appetizer-like food. So I went to Applebee's.
Look, I'm not proud. But I was starving and wanted boneless buffalo wings immediately. Feeling disgusted with myself today, I decided there has to be a better way to get good wings quickly, so I Googled "Fresno's best chicken wings" and found a web site called Wild for Wings, which lists the best chicken wing places in various cities according to certain criteria.
I'll tell you what, friends: Fresno's list? SUCKS. Deal with this nonsense for a minute:
It's all the local news and stuff from the blogosphere that you need to Fres-Know. (Photo by Bee There's Diana Baldrica)
EXTREME BLOGGING: Brandon De Young, vice president of operations for De Young Properties and project manager for Fresno's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" project, gives Bee readers the inside scoop by blogging daily from the project site. [Bee news blog]
LIVING GREEN: Looking for tips to green up your world? Of course you are. Related: Remember when green was an adjective and not a verb? [Green Fresno]
GRRRR: Fresno Baseball Club, owner of the Grizzlies, controls Chukchansi Park just 92 days of the year; Fresno City Hall the other 273 days. George Hostetter wants to know how the hell the City is going to maintain the stadium nine months of the year. [Bee news blog]
Into our lives a little NPH must fall, and last night he fell with a giant thud onto the stage of "Saturday Night Live," The Worst Show on Television™.
Don't get me wrong, Neil Patrick "Two First Names" Harris was his usual awesome self, it was everything around him that sucked. Terribly unfunny sketches nearly quelled the glowing ball of humor and light that is NPH; luckily he has the amazing ability to rise above weak and inconsistent material (see: "How I Met Your Mother").
However, I am pleading, pleading with NPH to forevermore stay far, far away from the festering tower of suck that is "SNL" -- seriously, the Worst Show on Television™ (and I'm including "Kath and Kim" here) -- for fear that next time he is not so lucky.
Here is NPH's opening monologue, the only part of the show worth watching:
I've been giving Anne Hathaway a hard time on this blog a lot lately. It's not that I dislike the girl; in fact, she seems to be one of the few Hollywood actresses who has her head on straight. It's just that the head is tough to look at without imagining freakish clown masks.
Hathaway was the co-recipient of a Critic's Choice Award Thursday night, and there's just something about this clip of her acceptance speech delivered in a chipmunk voice while playing with her drowned rat hair that's tough to watch. Angelina Jolie appears to agree. Watch as Angelina (who, it should be said, lost to Hathaway), sums up losing to Joker MouthElla Enchanted with one withering look:
Tonight are the Golden Globe Awards, and Angie and Anne will square off once again in the Best Actress in a Drama category. A blunder on the Globes web site last week suggested another Hathaway win, so tune in to watch Angelina take the rubber-faced actress down, "Tomb Raider" style.
Husband and wife playing brother and sister on television? I guess it could be worse -- it could be the other way around -- but still, this news makes me cringe a little. They couldn't have waited until the series was over? I mean, how am I supposed to view these characters in the same way now? I'm still trying to get past the fact that Michael C. Hall (and Dexter by association) isn't gay -- he was that brilliant on "Six Feet Under."
What say you? Marrying the on-screen sister: creepy or no big deal?
Apparently, you might have a shot with Heidi Watney
Look, I couldn't pick Heidi Watney out of a lineup, and I certainly couldn't tell you which of the blondes she is in the picture at right, but she seems to generate some interest here on the Beehive, so I'm passing along some Watney gossip from The Boston Herald's Inside Track:
"...NESN vixen Heidi Watney is being squired about town by Paul Williams, the Fenway groundskeeper whose big claim to fame was being pummeled by a pair of Yankees in the visitors dugout during the American League Championship Series in 2003. Criminal charges against Williams were dropped a year later. Such a catch."
Michael Jackson ventured out into public yesterday, frightening children and old people, and giving gossip bloggers the unhappy chore of having to stare directly into the face of their nightmares.
Dressed in a hospital mask and cap, a hat, veil and sunglasses, Michael went to the record store to purchase -- wait for it -- his own CD box set, because clearly no one has ever told Michael that the Internet exists. This is probably for the best, actually. The last thing the 'net needs is another child predator ... allegedly.
One question: is Michael protecting himself from all of our germs, or protecting us from his?
Pictures of Michael literally holding his nose onto his face after the jump:
This is a picture of a celebrity's mom. I challenge you, without looking on the Internets, to figure out who this celebrity mother is.
A couple of hints: The celebrity is a woman. The celebrity has had a baby in the last year. The celebrity enjoys A-list status on a C-list acting résumé.
There is no prize involved here, only the sheer satisfaction of finding out the answer, which I will tell you tomorrow.
Put your best guesses in the comments section. I'll publish your comments tomorrow so we can see who was right (and seriously, if you know the answer already from reading other gossip sites, just keep it to yourself. You'll get no satisfaction from pretending to guess correctly the answer to something as inane as this).
Time's up! Find out who the celebrity mom is after the jump!
Maybe his body didn't get bigger. Maybe his head is slowly deflating.
KFed's new girlfriend -- my god, it takes all kinds, doesn't it? -- is, according to TMZ, a deadbeat who got kicked out of her Beverly Hills house for not paying rent. Of course she is. So if Kevin's new deadbeat girlfriend gets pregnant in order to pilfer the money deadbeat Kevin earned after knocking up ex-wife Britney Spears when his gravy train ex-girlfriend, current deadbeat Shar Jackson, dried up, that will complete the Circle of Life Custody Checks, and all will be right in the world.
Barack Obama is looking for food that tastes good for a good price
Hey look! It's our president-elect, a man who isn't afraid to discuss a love of peach cobbler and Johnny cakes on cable access.
Here is Barack Obama reviewing the Dixie Kitchen and Bait Shop on a Chicago television program called "Check Please!" circa 2001. I have a feeling we're going to see more of these Obama gems unearthed in the coming months.
'Nip/Tuck' returns to dirty up your television Tuesday night
Thank Jebus. The holidays are finally over, and that means television is returning to normal; i.e. new episodes, and not a moment too soon. You know things are bleak when you find yourself DVRing cooking shows on the Food Network just to have something to watch.
I'm particularly excited about the return of "Nip/Tuck," which left off in the middle of its fifth season about 4000 years ago. "Nip/Tuck" is a show about narcissistic plastic surgeons (is there any other kind?), and it is dirty-dirty, so of course I like it. I started watching it just last season, so there are a few details I still don't know, but that doesn't hinder my enjoyment of the show any. Don't misunderstand me: this show is not good, not like "Mad Men" is, but it's highly entertaining, and worth checking out, if only to have something new to watch.
New episodes of "Nip/Tuck" start tomorrow night on FX. Watch them 'cuz you know you're dirty, too. Preview below:
Flame-haired man-child will have Kate Beckinsale's soul
I'm just curious. What the hell is going on in this picture of Kate Beckinsale posing on le red carpet?
Kate looks amazing, as usual. But there, in the background. What is happening with the little man with the flaming red afro and carefully crossed arms staring Kate down? He scares the crap out of me, in the way that Suri "Devil Eyes" Cruise does.
I have a feeling we're going to be seeing this unfortunate child Photoshopped into different scenarios all over the Internet, like Disaster Girl. Remember her? She was just an innocent child standing in front of a house that caught fire, but soon she was responsible for everything from Lincoln's assassination to Britney Spears' disastrous 2007 VMA performance:
Amy Winehouse is living a Caribbean Christmas miracle
Amy Winehouse: Crackhead. Trainwreck. Hopeless mess. Or is she?
Amy currently is on vacation in St. Lucia, and -- I can't believe I'm going to say this -- she looks healthy, happy, and like she's had a shower in the last week (swimming in the ocean counts here). Not only that, she appears to have a new boyfriend, one who looks like he has a dental plan and a grasp of basic human hygiene.
Maybe all Amy needed was to get out of that dirty crack den she calls home. If her family is smart, they'll have the place exorcised demolished in her absence.
Could this be the beginning of the Amy Winehouse comeback? If Britney Spears can come back from the brink to sell a bajillion crappy records, why can't Amy, a person who possesses legitimate talent? This is a comeback music fans might actually want to see happen.
Sure, I'd miss the posts making fun of Amy, but someone is bound to take her place soon enough. I mean, Lindsay Lohan appears to be knock-knock-knockin' on relapse's door right this very minute.
Wino in '09-oh! More pictures of Amy frolicking on the beach after the jump:
Try to have a Happy New Year despite being cold, broke and sad
Stars: they are so not remotely close to being like us. While we're freezing our asses off and fighting our way through the fog in search of a good time tonight, people with a lot more money than us have already busted out their bikinis and are heading south to celebrate the new year.
Drink all the champagne you like, friends -- these people are still going to have a better new year than you and I put together. See you at the bar tonight.
A man was arrested in a Chicago park Monday night for servicing another man in public. The man later told police he is a member of the Blue Man group. The Blue Man group.
Do you see the trouble here? Do you see that this story has the potential for the greatest headline ever written, and that my hands are tied? So many wonderfully crass jokes to be made, and I can't do a single one.
Oh, eff it. It's the last day of 2008, and this is one of the greatest stories I've heard all year. Best to go out with a bang (and a big, fat that's what she said). Ready?
Donatella Versace wants to remind you to use sun protection
It might be winter, with most of the country covered in feet of snow, but before you can say, "Hey, who ate all the fudge?", the sun will be out and it will be time to start getting ready for beach weather.
Luckily, fashion designer Donatella Versace has graciously offered up her own body as a 'what not to do' when it comes to sun protection, something we all need to worry about:
Do not slather your body daily in butter, roasting and basting yourself in your own juices. Do pay attention when you see smoke sizzling from your thighs. Do not put on your granddaughter's bikini if your Mrs. Roper-style caftan is in the wash. Do remember the young people don't want to see Nonna's implants. Do not list "turkey jerky" as your beauty inspiration. Do just stop it. STOP IT, Donatella Versace.
53 years old. This woman is just 53 years old and she looks like something dug up from the beach during a Hawaiian luau. I get that she's Italian, and Italians are free-spirited and awesome, but my eyes can only drink in so much awesome in one sitting, and they still haven't forgiven me for this.
For those who find reading words cumbersome, the following graphic details what's happening with the "Arrested Development" movie:
There had better be a g*dd*m sequel to "Superbad" in the works, Michael Cera. That's the only thing that might get you a pass from "AD" fans at this point.
I make fun of Amy Winehouse a lot on this blog, and some of you have expressed to me that you feel it's unfair, or unwarranted, or just overdone. I've been thinking a lot about that lately, and have come to the conclusion that I don't actually care what you think, so put that in your crack pipe and smoke it.
Amy's former lover, Alex Haines, recently gave an interview to News of the World that of course is making its way across the gossip sites, and for good reason. It validates everything you've always thought about Amy, plus puts that special crack-flavored icing on the cake. Paraphrasing would take the fun away, so, from the News itself:
Alex Haines tells how the singer smoked CRACK for BREAKFAST from pipes she made out of drinks bottles as she blew £3,500 a week on drugs in her darkest hours.
She was so desperate for every last bit she even frantically scraped the residue out with a SCREWDRIVER so it wouldn't be wasted.
He also reveals how the once painfully thin diva was a secret BULIMIC--living on McDonalds and up to 10 Crunchie bars at a time. She even used HIS TOOTHBRUSH to make herself THROW UP afterwards.
We at the Beehive hope your Hanukkah is more awesome than this
We're late on this one, but Happy Hanukkah!
Best Week Ever has come up with a handy list of 50 things to do on Christmas if you're Jewish. Of course, Christmas was yesterday, so again, sorry for the tardy -- I've been in a red wine and fudge coma for three days. Ah, the holidays ...
The following is an ad for the Italian car company Alfa Romeo. It does not actually feature an Alfa Romeo; instead, it features a drunk, womanizing sloth. And it is mesmerizing.
WTF? I mean, seriously. What. The. F***?? And yet: awesome.
After the jump, a series of shorter ads featuring the majestic sloth, who, like most jungle creatures, is a fan of wearing ties and grab-assing young Italian women. Hang in until about the three-minute mark, because that's when the spots start getting crazy. Crazier.
Someone from "Mad Men" had a baby, but I can't tell who
While browsing People.com just now, I came across the following headline:
Now, I'm a fan of "Mad Men" (you may have heard), and I have no idea who this woman is. After reading the story, during which People claims she plays "the nosy neighbor," I still have no idea who this woman is.
So, if I've seen every episode of "Mad Men" and still can't identify this woman, whose baby was born nearly a week and a half ago -- a lifetime in the gossip world -- who, exactly is this headline supposed to draw in?
Help me, fellow "Mad Men" fans. Nosy neighbor? Eh?
I don't want to raise any alarms here, but should the paparazzi -- or anyone, for that matter -- be able to get this close to the president elect when he's on vacation?
Unrelated: Yowza. Good for you, Michelle.
Beehive Backstory: So, as sometimes happens on the Beehive, two bloggers posted simultaneously about Barack's topless shot: me and Will Albritton. I got to keep my post, and Will graciously offered much more information on the topic:
This is Pete, a purple squirrel who lives in England.
Pete lives near a school, and according to a British wildlife expert, Pete's purple fur is most likely due to Pete eating purple ink cartridges and then licking his fur, as the stupid creature adorable thing has been seen coming in and out of a building where old printers are stored. According to the expert:
'Squirrels will chew anything even if it's obviously inedible. He is unlikely to have fallen into paint because that would probably have killed him.
'I imagine he'll return to his normal grey by spring when he moults.'
Whatever dude. Purple squirrel = the cutest damn thing I've seen all day, and the perfect salve for the damage inflicted by Pamela Anderson, who has assaulted my eyes not once, but two unforgivable times today. (Second picture after the jump. Warning: remember to come back and view cutesy Pete the Purple Squirrel after exposure to ole' Raccoon Eyes Anderson. You've been warned.)
Maybe just one: it's winter and this woman is wearing shorts. Someone in L.A. needs to start some kind of Hooker Assistance Program to fit cold whores with warm clothes. 'Tis the season, you know.
You know what's more frightening than Katie Holmes' impression of Amy Winehouse's shower drain?
The topless photos of Amy Winehouse frolicking at the beach that are currently circulating on my Internet. Clearly even half-dead crackheads need a vacation now and then.
(And yes, I do know where to find the pictures. But I respect you way too much to tell you where.)
Katie Holmes pleads for help using only her eyes, and one mouth sore
This picture of Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise scares the living daylights out of me. Behold: the face(s) of true evil.
There's a rumor Katie got herpes from Tom Cruise, who also gave it to Nicole Kidman back in the day (click the picture to see the cold sore on Katie's mouth -- but only if you've already had breakfast). I call shenanigans, as it is highly unlikely both women would have gotten close enough to the mirror Tom kisses every morning before he leaves the house.
What would the end of the year be without a look back? In the next couple of weeks, Bee bloggers will take a look at the events, people and things -- locally and nationally -- that made 2008 special, beginning with Favorite Fresno Event. Many cool things happened in, around, and to Fresno this year, and they deserve to be remembered. As always, we hope you'll share your thoughts in the comments section.
John Rich, Sports Buzz: It's gotta be Fresno State winning the College World Series. It didn't happen in Fresno, but here are three arguments for why it counts as a Fresno event: 3) Most everyone in town that final week was either glued to a TV, radio or the Internet getting updates; 2) We love a parade; 1) Omaha is Fresno of the Midwest.
Craig Kohlruss, Bee There photo blog: My Favorite Fresno Event of 2008 was the celebration for the Fresno State baseball team at Beiden Field on June 26. The day the team won the World Series was kind of an impromptu event of note, too. Driving down Shaw I could see people flooding out of the Doghouse Grill and into the street cheering and high-fiving anybody within reach. It will be a while before we ever see anything like that again.
My home page is CNN.com. This morning when I turned on my computer, I found this lead story on the site:
No good way to tell kids they have cancer, huh? Let me put that in the file marked "No S***." And, as if that isn't bad enough, under Other News, there is another depressing story about dozens of children being killed by poisoned medicine, and one about kids being pulled out of a fiery day care. Great.
An hour later, CNN's lead story was changed to this:
It's all the local news and stuff from the blogosphere that you need to Fres-Know:
MOO-TOPIA: What would it be like to live in a world where cow flatulence wasn't a topic for polite conversation? [Bee News Blog]
DELIVER ME FROM EVIL: Using Bible verse to explain one's appreciation for pizza and beer? Ballsy. [Bipolarity of Life]
BACK TO THE: Want to discuss the future of Fresno? You're in luck: there's a web site actually called Future of Fresno. [estewartartist]
SOULFLOWER ROOTS:Beehive favorite Devoya Mayo explains Soulflower Fridays, her new deejay series at Palomino's paying tribute to music legends and the work they inspire. [Late Update]
SWEARIN' IN SWEARENGIN: Bee reporter George Hostetter breaks it down for mayor-elect Ashley Swearengin, citing 10 issues of interest she's inheriting from the last guy. [Bee News Blog]
NOT OMAHA, PROBABLY: Roopam Sidhu wants to know where you were when Fresno State won the College World Series. [CBS47 blog]
FAIL: Jack Black, Jessica Alba, Cloris Leachman on 'The Office'
Update #2: Oh dear god. Cloris Leachman, too? If I was interested in watching stuff that sucks, I'd watch "Kath and Kim." Fail, Dunder Mifflin. Fail.
Update:It's been confirmed that Jessica Alba -- who is so lacking in humor and good cheer that her nickname on the Internets is "Miseralba" (seriously. Google it) -- also will appear in the Super Bowl episode of "The Office."
I'm not saying this will automatically make the episode suck, except that it will.
Original Post:
Jack Black will appear as himself on the hour-long episode of "The Office" premiering after the Super Bowl in February.
According to EW.com:
"Some of the office workers try to secretly watch a bootlegged Hollywood movie during the workday. The movie stars Jack Black and other notable Hollywood actors."
A slice of Jon Hamm between two ferns (sadly, not a euphemism)
Funny or Die has a regular feature called "Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis" that is just amusing as heck.
The videos are definitely worth checking out; especially the latest one, which features sexy beast Jon Hamm looking adorably uncomfortable and slightly disheveled, like Don Draper after a night spent drinking scotch neat while watching Roger Sterling make passes at his wife. [Seriously, go rent season one of "Mad Men" immediately.]
(Warning: language):
After the jump, "Between Two Ferns" featuring Michael "You can't make me play George Michael Bluth again --
you just can't" Cera:
I know I'm in the minority here, but to me, Anne Hathaway's face always looks like it's a second and a half away from stretching into those creepy faces from Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun" video. Her facial features are oddly gigantic and kind of rubbery looking. Am I wrong?
When stars are looking for some quick cash, the one avenue always available to them is commercials. Of course, not wanting to appear cheesy/greedy here in America, celebrities will head to Japan to make confusing, yet usually endearing, ads that eventually wind up here in America anyway (it's called the Internet, friends, and it's global).
Following is a commercial featuring Brad Pitt in a bright yellow suit. Normally, this would not interest me so much, but the ad is directed by the amazing Wes Anderson, which makes it even more confusing and endearing.
Enjoy (more Japanese commercials featuring greedy American actors after the jump). Thanks to Marie for the updated video.
The Beehive presents: The biggest anticipointments of 2008
Anticipointment (noun): Something highly anticipated that ultimately disappoints in a major way
You know how it is. You wait and wait for something, and you know it's going to be awesome, and then, and then ... it sucks beyond belief, and you find yourself with nothing to live for (until the Next Big Thing comes along, of course).
Below, various Bee bloggers weigh in on what they feel are the biggest anticipointments of 2008. As usual, we invite you to share your own in the comments section.
Rick Bentley: "It would have to be "Fringe" for me. The new Fox show is good. But I expected a lot more from J.J. Abrams. Of course this current television season is so bad, even the mediocre stands out."
Kathy Mahan: "My biggest anticipointment was the postponement of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince." All year I checked fan sites and followed the trailers. I even listened to the audiobook. Then, wham! Warner Bros. bumps the release date back to 2009. So the waiting continues."
Charlie Brown and The Making of the Agency Holiday Party Invite
Perhaps watching the beloved characters from "A Charlie Brown Christmas" tell the story of creating an ad agency's holiday party invitation is only funny to those like me who have worked in the ad business.
Or perhaps it's just funny to hear Charlie Brown swear and talk about smoking a fattie.
Watch the following video and decide for yourself.
I can't think of a better way to get across the point that drugs are bad than by having a stuffed dog with a gaping hole in its chest tell you in a British accent to knock it the hell off (buffering is kind of slow, so be patient):
Okay, I can think of lots of better ways, but this one is the most amusing.
John Krasinski wants to make sure my love for him is eternal
As if I need another reason to love Jim Halpert:
My love for him is unconditional. It is. But does anyone else think that his hair this season on "The Office" is starting to resemble a slightly-Trumpish combover? You better get on that, Pam. That'swhatshesaid!
And no, that phrase isn't going away anytime soon, so deal.
Random Sat. night post featuring Anderson Cooper and Michael Phelps
Here is a video from tomorrow's episode of "60 Minutes" that features Anderson Cooper (the whitest man in America) racing Michael Phelps. Phelps wears his traditional tiny blue Speedo, Cooper is wearing your grandpa's swim trunks.
Britney Spears is getting set to release her new CD next week here in America, so she tested the waters yesterday in Germany, doing her first live performance since she embarrassed herself at MTV's Video Music Awards in 2007. People are already calling it a comeback, but I frankly see only a slight difference between this lackluster performance and the one from last year. Are we all forgetting that she just really, really sucks, and always has?
Listen carefully to the introduction -- I don't speak German, but I swear I can hear the presenter comparing Britney's music to Auschwitz:
This is the worst picture of George Clooney I've ever seen
It pains me to post this, because, and I stand by this, George Clooney is the Most Attractive Man Who Has Ever Lived™.
Not so much in this photo, I'm afraid:
Fours years of watching "How I Met Your Mother" finally pays off
If you did not watch last night's episode of "How I Met Your Mother" titled "The Naked Man," you missed a fairly humorous episode and probably the best scene I've ever seen on the show: namely, a scene in which Ted Mosby and Barney Stinson plan to surprise their respective first dates with full-frontal nudity. The humorous part is when they call each other to discuss what poses they should strike while sans clothing. The awesome part is when this happens:
Is it too early to get excited about the new season of "Lost," which comes back to television January 21, or is it too late -- as in, three years too late?
I stopped watching the show in the third season, but after the writers stopped scanning "Lost" fan forums for plot ideas, and the network stopped dicking around with reruns, long stretches with no episodes at all, and changing what time the show is on, I became a regular viewer again.
The SciFi channel now shows four episodes of "Lost" every Monday night, which I have been DVRing. Last week when I saw the following trailer for the upcoming fifth season of the show, I actually got that little tingle of excited anticipation usually reserved for "The Office."
So, what's the consensus? Are we still on board the "Lost" train, or has that ship sailed? Should I have tried for an airplane metaphor instead?
Season 5 preview after the jump, possible spoilers:
Lindsay Lohan caught on tape behaving like a 22-year old
It must suck to be famous sometimes. I mean, you finally get to a point in your life where you have the complete freedom to engage in all manner of debauchery, but then you have to contend with people making every effort to catch you on tape enjoying that debauchery.
Take Lindsay Lohan, for example. The girl just wants to enjoy a vodka and Red Bull while making out with her girlfriend. No big deal, right? Except she's been to rehab a few times and shouldn't be drinking, and, oh yeah, apparently she's gay now, which makes the following security tape footage big, big news to those who track the lives of 22-year old movies stars (i.e. you, me and whoever still watches "Inside Edition").
There's some question about whether the video is real or doctored. The consensus right now is: real. Video after the jump:
Every time I see Suri Cruise I get this mental image of her at home screaming at Katie Holmes about how she wants a new dress to go with her new dolly, while Tom Cruise laughs and claps his hands together in glee at the little diva he created using his cousin's sperm.
Whoops! Better cool it on the Cruise hate, lest I get shot down by rogue Scientologist guards.
The benefit for Café Corazón was at Audie's Olympic last night, and the Beehive was there. Here are some photos
from the event, as well as video featuring The Loveseats, Roger Perry, Blake Jones, Rademacher, poet Stephen Mayu
and It'll Grow Back (warning: language NSFW).
Props to all of the performers for donating their time, and to everyone who showed up to give their support and their cash.
Here is Sarah Palin giving an interview to a local news team immediately after pardoning a turkey for Thanksgiving. The interview itself is not so interesting (why would it be?), but check out the man standing behind Sarah who is trying to do his job, which is killing turkeys.
You can practically see the "STFU, lady" thought bubble over the guy's head.
UPDATE: Oh, thank Zeus. Ashlee Simpson was able to safely birth a masculine child, which she and her equally douchetastic boyfriend (husband? who cares?) named:
Bronx Mowgli Wentz.
If you're not entirely convinced these two deserve a beatdown every day for the rest of their lives, say "Bronx Wentz" out loud a couple of times.
Original: Jessica Simpson said recently on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" that pregnant sister Ashlee may induce labor because "they're going to have to. It's already developing really quick."
According to People, the spawn of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz was due a couple of weeks ago. Being an expert on child-birthing (I have read about many, many babies being born to celebrities), I have some ideas on why this particular baby hasn't yet chosen to make its way into the world:
A couple of weeks ago, I made the claim that Gwyneth Paltrow owned the ugliest dress I have ever seen. Leave it to Madonna, the ultimate one-upping attention whore, to answer back with the new ugliest dress that has ever existed:
Which makes sense, I guess. I've never been a fan, but I can objectively look at Hugh Jackman and say, "Yes. That is a very attractive man."
It's the rest of the list that worries me.
I'm sure People, unable to accept just how silly and irrelevant the annual "hot" man parade has become, had grown tired of the Brads and the Georges and the Matthews taking up space on the cover, and was looking for new blood. Therein
lies the problem -- the rest of their choices are sad, sad, sad, and even a little perplexing, with one major exception.
I think we all know who the rightful owner of the "Sexiest" title is:
YouTube Battle: Police Dog Fail vs. Hockey-Playing Bears
Mike Oz and myself both think we've found the make-your-day video on YouTube. Neither of us will admit defeat. There's one option: YouTube battle! You watch our finds and tell us which amuses you more.
Mike Oz: You know how police dogs are supposed to be highly intelligent, quick and able to track people down by scent? Apparently not all police dogs are so keen:
Fres-Know: Twenty blogs in Twenty minutes (give or take a few)
It's all the local news and stuff from the blogosphere that you need to Fres-Know:
AMATEUR HOUR: I really like the idea of Late Update's "Twenty Bars, Twenty Weeks" feature, where they take a look at a different bar every week, but come on, kids. I can knock out those kind of numbers in a single week. [Late Update]
F THIS: Always wanted to try The Basque Hotel on F street in downtown Fresno? Consider reading this tale of cold, bloody meat, dirty utensils, and a physically violent wait staff first. And then go anyway -- it'll make for a great story later. [Fresno Famous]
BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER 'P': Jim Boren and Bill McEwen, (the Bee's Siskel and Ebert, Colbert and Stewart, and Bert and Ernie all rolled into one), talk with Mayor Elect Ashley Swearengin about her transition team on this week's podcast. [Bee Podcast]
MET WRAP-UP: Felicia Matlosz has the final word on the success of the Met's 55-hour reopening party, including the museum's take on what went down with the Metropolis dance party (spoiler: not much). [Fresno Bee]
It's tough to keep getting it up for these trailers knowing that the movie should have been released this month but is being held until July of next year.
Karolina Kurkova is a Victoria's Secret model. Karolina Kurkova has no belly button. I submit Karolina Kurkova is a robot, or possibly some kind of alien.
The REAL sneak peek at the new Beehive
