[Mike Oz: Good blogger, yes, but the man needs to learn a little something about presentation.]
Get ready, fans of the Internet, because tomorrow we unveil the new FresnoBeehive! It will blow minds and dazzle the senses! It will turn night into day and rain into sunshine! It contains all your essential blog vitamins, plus 37% more fiber!
And most importantly, it will feature a blog roll monkeys!*
We guarantee you'll love the new FresnoBeehive.com or your money back.**
*The FresnoBeehive is unable to guarantee the appearance of monkeys at this time.
**You will in no way, shape or form receive any compensation if not satisfied. Suck it up.
Every once in awhile, while speaking of certain relatives of mine who shall go nameless, I reference the 1975 documentary "Grey Gardens." Very rarely does anyone know what I am talking about.
"Grey Gardens" is about Jackie Kennedy Onassis' aunt, Edith "Big Edie" Beale, and Beale's daughter, Little Edie, who lived alone together for a number of years in a dilapidated mansion in East Hampton. Big Edie and Little Edie's story became well-known when a magazine article showed that the pair had been living in absolute squalor, nearly isolated from the world, for some time, and that their run-down home, Grey Gardens, was in danger of being torn down.
HBO has just released a two-minute trailer for its upcoming film based on the life of the Beales and starring Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange. It seems worth checking out, mostly because Barrymore's impression of Little Edie is spot on:
Whether you see this film or not, I highly recommend seeing the original documentary. Here's a clip so you can see for yourself whether Barrymore does Little Edie justice:
The Hollywood Reporter says that a film based on 80s TV masterpiece "MacGyver" is in the works. Unlike the massacring of other cultural icons from my childhood, I think this movie stands a greater chance of not sucking.
But I wonder: who should play the new MacGyver? Richard Dean Anderson, the original Macgyver, always seemed like a normal guy with abnormal abilities. It seems like any "name" actor (your Matt Damons and Matthew McConaugheys, for example) wouldn't be able to pull off that understated brilliance (or that amazing mullet).
I admit I'm stumped. I can't think of a single person who fits the bill. What say you?
Time for another round of Guess the Celeb. Unlike previous G the C posts, the actor in question is appearing sans wig (but is sporting a very stylish newsboy cap over his bald head -- nice).
I challenge you, without looking on the Internets, to figure out who this celebrity is. There is no prize involved here, only the satisfaction of being right, or of simply finding out the answer, which I will tell you later today.
Put your best guesses in the comments section. I'll publish your comments later when I reveal the answer so we can see who has a knack for the ultimate in time-wasting online games.
UPDATE: According to People, the warrant for Lindsay Lohan no longer exists. Apparently, she is in compliance with her alcohol education classes, as evidenced by the night and day Lindsay spent just after learning of her warrant. Highlights include:
If those aren't the actions of a person who has graduated alcohol education class, I don't know what are. Congrats, Lindsay -- you're doing just fine.
Original post: A warrant has been issued for Lindsay Lohan stemming from her arrest in 2007 for D.U.I. hit and run. According to TMZ:
"The Beverly Hills PD says the warrant is for $50,000 and it was issued in connection with her DUI case back in 2007, for which she is on probation. The PD would not specifically say why they want Lohan, but we think it's a good bet it has something to do with violating the terms of probation ... either failing to attend her alcohol ed courses or, perhaps, not taking or failing a drug test."
How does Julia Roberts look better than she did ten years ago?
Excuse me, but is Julia Roberts getting prettier?
I know, I know. Botox and other cosmetic enhancements have come a long way, but all you have to do is look at a picture of Madonna or Nicole Kidman to know that these beauty aids are heavy on the aid, less so on the actual beauty.
That does not appear to be the case for Miss Julia (who is now 41 and a mother of three), seen here at the premiere for "Duplicity," which also stars hunk of man meat Clive Owen. Check it out:
I don't feel right blogging about the frivolous and ultimately useless celebrity gossip world today, so instead, I am saluting Beehiver-for-life Will Albritton.
Beehive boss -- and Twilight fan -- Kathy has been swamped lately with various endeavors, so, for no good reason, I present to her (and you) a little R. Patts afternoon pick-me-up:
More smoldering looks and hair gel than your heart can stand, after the jump.
Here's a clip of funnier-than-everybody Ricky Gervais commandeering an interview with everyone's favorite Muppet, Kermit Big Bird Snuffleupagus Elmo, on the set of "Sesame Street."
Something tells me this won't air on the popular kid's show (that something is the word "necrophilia"). Check it out:
We all know Joaquin Phoenix hasn't been himself of late, but apparently he thinks he's Amy Winehouse.
While filming his documentary last night in Miami, Phoenix attacked an audience member who was heckling the -- okay, we'll go with rapper for now, until I find a better way to describe him (wait -- nutjob, basketcase, bats*it boy, whacko, Tom Cruise -- there's five ways right there).
Here's the thing. Once Phoenix and his brother-in-law, Casey Affleck, stop filming this ode to Andy Kaufman, who's going to see it? Not only is it all playing out on YouTube in real time, I would be surprised to find a single person who considers this art.
Yesterday when I saw the following pictures of Paris Hilton frolicking on the beach with her latest partner in VD (via Pink is the New Blog -- hence the annoying pink graffiti), I wondered, "Why am I looking at these?" A second later, I thought, "Good grief. Is the paparazzo actually in the water with these two idiots?" (click to enlarge, if you feel that's necessary)
There is no new episode of "Lost" tonight, but today Entertainment Weekly.com posted a picture from next week's episode -- titled "Namaste" -- that looks like a pretty significant spoiler.
I don't pretend to know about fashion (that's Kathy's territory), but I do understand that most runway shows are about presenting a designer's ideas in a very showy, artistic way. What you see on the runway is not what you're going to find on the rack at Macy's.
Still, when I see something overly ridiculous, I feel it should be brought to the public's attention, and then mocked. Take Alexander McQueen's 2009 Fall/Winter runway show. Is it artistic? Yeah. But also kind of silly.
The Nicole Richie award for best beach body goes to ...
Eva Herzigova, Victoria's Secret and Sports Illustrated model, is the new Nicole Richie. While that's never a good thing, in this case, it's horrifying.
Yesterday was Eva's birthday. There's a reason she didn't make the sex symbol birthday post: 36-year old women should never look like emaciated 14-year old girls (or like emaciated, cracked-out Amy Winehouses).
More pictures after the jump, including one of what Herzigova used to look like:
Jon Hamm in a bald cap: still hot. Bailout jokes: not so much
This Funny or Die video isn't all that funny (does that mean someone dies? Is it Will Ferrell?).
Still, it features über-hot Jon Hamm in a bald cap portraying a very irritated Lex Luthor. I have no idea what he's talking about -- I don't speak nerd -- but he looks good saying it.
Anyone else get chills when his voice goes so deep it hardly registers? Just me? Oh.
Did anyone catch the premiere of "Castle" on ABC last night? I DVRed the epsiode, but haven't watched it yet.
After seeing the following video, titled "Nailing Your Wife" from television-channel-for-men Spike's web-based series, "PG Porn," I'm not only going to check out Nathan Fillion in "Castle," I might go rent "Firefly" and "Serenity" as well.
(Ha. Just kidding. What am I, a nerd? I'll just rewatch the episodes he did for the seventh season of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Sunnydale, California: gone, but not forgotten.)
Finally, a car commercial that doesn't make you want to trash your TV
Most car commercials are unbearable. Not as awful as the pharmaceutical ads offering you diarrhea and bleeding ulcers in exchange for clearing up your pet allergies, but still pretty bad.
The problem with car commercials is that they try to sell you on a life you probably will never have: careening around mountain curves with reckless abandon, hauling your boat to the marina with your camera-ready kids who don't fight over space and make only easily wiped up messes in the backseat, loading 75 tons of concrete into the bed of your truck then balancing it on the edge of a cliff...
It just seems like these commercials should reflect real life more accurately. Real life is mundane, filled with petty emotions like jealousy and misplaced superiority, and rife with -- what's the word I'm looking for? Oh yes. Violence.
All right, friends. Time for another round of Guess the Celeb. This time you get no hints, as anything I could say about this person would give it away immediately.
I challenge you, without looking on the Internets, to figure out who this celebrity is. There is no prize involved here, only the satisfaction of being right, or of simply finding out the answer, which I will tell you later today.
Put your best guesses in the comments section. I'll publish your comments later when I reveal the answer so we can see who has a knack for the ultimate in time-wasting online games.
I woke up in a great mood this morning. The sun was shining, so I opened all the blinds to let the light in as I enjoyed a cup of coffee, some fruit and some oatmeal, and caught up on my favorite blogs. As I usually do after breakfast, I got ready to go for a swim in my apartment complex's heated, indoor pool. This is when things fell apart.
The pool is no longer heated. According to the office manager, the heat is turned off in March, and the patio furniture is dragged to the outdoor, unheated pool for those who enjoy swimming in what looks like tree blossom gazpacho. Have you been outside today, friends? It's sunny, yes. But it's also windy and still winter. Swimming weather? Not even close, and, for someone like me who is always freezing cold, it won't be for a few more months.
So, in one fell swoop, there went all my plans to get in shape prior to summer. Unfortunately, I have bad knees (thank you, high school colorguard), so swimming is where exercise begins and ends for me. Is this the worst thing in the world? No. But it's pretty damn irritating.
Before I go vandalize the signs advertising the heated, indoor pool that the apartment manager stills sees fit to display, I want to hear your stories of suck. Why focus on the positive when you can commiserate with those who have it even worse, right? Rant away ...
The REAL sneak peek at the new Beehive
