It’s come to this: Fresno Bee readers have been reduced to dueling cat allegories on the Letters to the Editor page. On one side: a “totally clueless” and lazy black cat named Obama. On the other: a cat named Dubya that “disregards the expert advice on what’s happening in the next block” and listens to his friends the “neocats.” (I am not making this up.)
I often rely on local blog Gustav’s Groupie to point out some of the more inane letters published in the pages of The Bee, and the highly readable Adam alerted me to the weirdness of the first letter, which I’ll print in its entirety after the break. Was the writer going for a strained racial metaphor here? When he muses that the only way to stop a cat is to shoot it, which isn’t permissible within city limits, is he slyly lamenting that killing our political leaders is illegal? Or are we just reading too much into tortured prose?
Then, in Thursday’s paper, Rodney Austin responded with his “Dubya” set-up, which I’ll also reprint after the break. His literary feline creation, whose color is not specified, is stubborn, thick-headed, mean and likes to torture mice.
I guess politics really is a catfight.
Photo credit: Piccat.com
Letter No. 1:
This is in response to Loran Hugh Parker’s recent opinion [letter April 27] that we need to license cats. First, I am neither a cat person nor a cat expert. Second, and most importantly, it would be easier to braid their whiskers into cute designs than it would be to manage the travels of cats.
I have two cats, or more succinctly, they have us — Alley Cat and Obama. Obama is a solid black, totally clueless cat that would starve if Alley Cat didn’t show him where the food and water is put. He’s pretty, but he’s also irrelevant to any discussion on cats, as he simply lays around on my convertible top.
I feed and care for these two feline freeloaders, but would not want to license them, nor would doing so automatically curb their behavior. They’re cats!
Cats travel, go poop, attempt to bury it and they make an irritating noise when they don’t get their way, rather like my children used to do.
There is only one way to stop them from behaving like cats, but shooting is against the law within the city limits, so deal with it!
Letter No. 2:
I know of a cat that D.J. Coates might like better than his adopted cat, Obama [letter April 30].
The cat answers to the name Dubya. A majority of the neighbors say he’s a stupid cat, although I disagree. He disregards the expert advice on what’s happening in the next block and listens, instead, to his friends, the neocats. As a result, he gets into backyards and starts fights.
The neocats are very secretive, hiding themselves and stuff they find strewn around the neighborhood behind bushes. The neocats jab their paws at insects and mice and watch them squirm.
When I’m in the house minding my own business with other consenting adults, the neocats can be heard shrieking outside my window. Does Dubya seem like a cat you’d love to own? It seems that these days, he’s finding fewer and fewer places to hang out.
Mr. Coates mentioned that the other cat (color not revealed) is called Alley Cat. Is that short for Allegory? And secondly, are all the black cats in his neighborhood lazy, clueless freeloaders, or just his?