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Play soccer, go to hell

Saw this floating around the Intertubes the other day and it amused me.


If you didn’t guess it already, this is not serious. It’s Colbert-esque satire from Boston-based comic Billy Bob Neck whose useds YouTube as his outlet. Though, I can’t say it’s too far off after what I heard on KMJ last week.

(Please note: I don’t listen to KMJ all the time.)

I was flipping around my radio dial last week, the same day the U.S. beat Algeria, when I heard Chris Daniel ranting about soccer — how it was the stupidest sport ever, how the rules weren’t progressive enough and how it uses those “gay little cards.” He made a point about the rules of the game being so stuck in tradition. That was especially odd, considering the ever-conservative, Bible-thumping source.

For the record: I’m no soccer fan either. But I at least respect what the game means on a worldwide level, and that some people are really into it.

As I look at it now, Daniel’s rant shared the same ethnocentric basis that we see in the video above, just with one important caveat — Billy Bob Neck is a character; Chris Daniel was being serious.

Responses to "Play soccer, go to hell"

BJ says:

This is hilarious. The scary part is there are people who will see this video & think it’s real. Play soccer, go to hell? As Shakespeare wrote, “Play On!”

Donald Munro says:

On The American, described as the journal of the American Enterprise Institute, Marc Thiessen wrote a piece titled: “Soccer is a socialist sport.”

Excerpts:

“The world is crazy for soccer, but most Americans don’t give a hoot about the sport. Why? Many years ago, my former White House colleague Bill McGurn pointed out to me the real reason soccer hasn’t caught on in the good old U.S.A. It’s simple, really: Soccer is a socialist sport.”

“Think about it. Soccer is the only sport in the world where you cannot use the one tool that distinguishes man from beast: opposable thumbs. “No handsâ€� is a rule only a European statist could love. (In fact, with the web of high taxes and regulations that tie the hands of European entrepreneurs, “no handsâ€� kind of describes their economic theories as well.)”

“Soccer is also the only sport in the world that has “hooligansâ€�—proletarian mobs that trash private property whenever their team loses.”

“Soccer is collectivist. At this year’s World Cup, the French national team actually went on strike in the middle of the tournament on the eve of an elimination match. (Yes, capitalist sports have experienced labor disputes, but can you imagine a Major League Baseball team going on strike in the middle of the World Series?)”

You can read the whole thing at http://blog.american.com/?p=16158

sonsavage says:

hahaha lames… So America doesn’t have sore losers who get outa hand like those “Hooligans?” give me break…

America has always been the rebel nation of the world and since its never been good at football or “Soccer” they’ve never embraced it.

… capitalist, socialist who give flip… everyone’s loosing there monetary value… those words are just words now…

ed says:

i don’t listen to chris daniel enough (ever) so i was curious if he is actually a bible thumper?

i hope he doesn’t like baseball. you know, baseball, the american pastime. the one that is really set on tradition, doesn’t want to change rules ever, and so on.

Michael says:

Ed he actually used to be funny years ago when he did the morning show on KRZR with Jen Lipp. But I listened to him once on KMJ and it was a joke the crap he was spewing. It’s funny how he’s preaching the bible and the Christian “way of life” when he stated many times on KRZR that he was an atheist.

But he loves baseball, is a huge Giant’s fan. So I guess he isn’t all that bad.

Mike Oz says:

He’s not as bible-thumping as some of his peers in the right-wing Fresno radio world, but I do hear a good amount of bible talk sometimes.

My favorite Chris Daniel story (a bit of a tangent, but who cares):

Around the time I started at The Bee, Metallica came to town and I did an interview with Kirk Hammett to preview the show. Chris was still on KRZR at the time. I guess the day it ran in the paper, Chris was on the air making fun of me. I didn’t hear it, so this is hearsay, but apparently he was railing about me being some old dude who doesn’t jack about Metallica.

Because all people who work at newspapers are old, right? I was actually like 23 or 24 at the time. This, mind you, was before my picture was in the paper every week.

I suppose there’s a parallel in there about him ranting and raving, uninformed and all.

Philip says:

Michael:

You’re either ignorant or dishonest. Chris is no bible thumper…today he was playing a song about “God’s Gonna F*** You Up.” He grew up a little (‘a little,’ but more than I can say for the kids sniping from behind their computer screens); no one maintains the vitriol of their 20′s forever.

Speaking of:

Oz, get over it. He made fun of the fact that the Bee was interviewing Metallica. It was, especially 15+ years ago, a non sequitur: Fresno’s liberal rag, a shining example of dying, obsolete technology trying to hip things up for the kids by interviewing rock stars. And, brother, you were G-R-E-E-N. It wasn’t a great interview. Let it go, you’ve earned yourself a nice audience since then, it’s time to move on.

Mike Oz says:

Oh, I’m over it. I just thought it was a funny aside. Though my point about his soccer rant stands.

To be honest, I usually think Chris is better than some of the other fear-mongering talk show hosts on the Fresno airwaves. He’ll at least play devil’s advocate on certain issues. But that soccer thing was just dumb.

And you’re his producer, right? Just checkin’

Michael says:

Yeah it’s kinda hard to hide behind a computer when I always log in with info that links back to my site that has my name, e-mail, and a phone number on it.

Guess I’m ignorant and or dishonest that way.

Conlan says:

Soccer’s dumb. Like all sports.

Philip says:

Oz:

For a ‘funny aside’ it read to me as dredging up ancient history. You’ve come a long way, the Metallica story just came off as pointless harping. It was disappointing.

The soccer thing is what it is: polarizing diversion – Chris’ comments or the game itself.

But I’m glad you’re enjoying (even relatively) the show.

And yup, I’m his producer…though my comments and opinions are my own, and don’t represent Chris, the Chris Daniel Show, KMJ, or Peak Broadcasting.

Michael: Way to miss the point, buddy.

Michael says:

What was the point pal?