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I Hate You, Mike Oz: Vol. 5

My favorite type of hate comes via snail mail. I figure it’s easy to make a hasty phone call and yell at someone. Addressing an envelope, throwing a stamp on it and putting it in a mailbox is actually a lot of effort to put into hating someone. So when I get a piece of good ol’ fashioned hate mail, I cherish it.

hateyouenvelope.jpg

And this, ladies and gentleman, is one of the most simple yet awesome pieces of hate mail I have ever received. Enjoy:

hateyoucolumn.jpg

So I’m immature, but this person cut something out from the newspaper and took a marker to it? Sounds like elementary school to me.

Except someone forgot to put their name on their paper.

Responses to "I Hate You, Mike Oz: Vol. 5"

ed says:

awesome. i’ve been waiting all day for this since (since you twatted? tweeted? twitted? about it).

i like that it goes from lower case to caps in the first word, print to cursive.

keep up the good work. and for gawd’s sake, don’t get that handwriting analyzed.

Heather says:

Gotta love that fancy-pants penmanship on the envelope, though. It’s like being flamed by Jane Austen.

dmizz says:

Did somebody with the initials JLH send that to you?

“Good Grief”
That is the best. This is probably the same person who would pull a football away when you tried to kick it.

You’re a good man, Charlie Brown.

adam says:

I’m guessing elderly person living near the park.

Heather says:

I’m guessing elderly person living in a van down by the river.

girlmonkey says:

What I find distressing is the use of both upper and lowercase letters. FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD mAkE uP YOUr disORGAniZED mIND.

Heather says:

Yeah, it’s very serial killer.

wet towel says:

…well, the new profile pic in the paper looks quite happy and wholesome, reproduces well.

Mike Oz says:

You do realize that’s the same picture that’s gone with my column since I started writing. It’s been like four or five years now. If anything, I’m quite due for a new pic.

adam says:

The ghost of Chris Farley hates Mike Oz!

Eddie says:

Gotta love the fan mail…haha Some people need to get a life.

kevikev says:

is this guy your “writing coach??” That’s really awesome…

hilary says:

definitely an old person. they write like that. floyd’s parents send him odd stuff in the mail and the handwriting on this envelope looks similar to theirs… but it’s definitely not one of them, they live in l.a.

ed says:

but that’s not the same photo the beehive uses is it? you look younger and more smiley in the paper one.

Krikor?

Интере�но, е�ли он при�лал к тебе?

wet towel says:

…well, yeah, I understand that it was taken when you were like, 16 or somethng… (no, I know you look younger than you are,)

–but actually? the only picts I’ve seen of your were these highly stylized contrasty things…
-and even the print version (which, I don’t usually see the print version)
seems to be different and freshened up a bit… from like, an upgrade in the paper a while ago… they did something with it, that’s fer sure…

…either way?
you got some maniac sending you love notes, and Heather thinks he’s a serial killer, so which picture is used, reeeeally isn’t the most important thing… right?

(Just thought I’d say somethng cheerful, while you’re staying in well lit areas and pissing unbalanced folks off and all…)

ttfn
-e

wet towel says:

(PS) –judging by the handwriting
(especially the ‘M’) in your name?

This has been written by a female.
Now… Female serial killers are sorta rare, (which is good.)
–But when you get one?

Oh brother are they twisted… AND thorough…

(just sayin.)

Steve Ryan says:

You know what interests me is the fact that this person used the zip + 4. Most places don’t bother publishing the + 4 or even using it so the fact this person did leads to believe a couple things:

a. They researched/found it (unless it’s published but I doubt it..) on Google or something.

b. This person actually lives near the Bee.

Those are the only two reasons I would know my zip + 4.

Also, curious to know if the sender actually knew by having the zip +4, mail tends to route faster meaning their ‘rant’ gets heard faster? :)

Interesting stuff.

Claire says:

It’s Charlie Brown! Who else says “good grief” anymore?

Solitaire says:

Hahahahahahaha!!!! Fabulous!

Wet Towel says:

…hmmm,
-knows the +4,
-likely female…

-slightly older…

My god…

…it’s

HEATHER…
((terrifying orchestra music starts))

MIKE, RUN, THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE…

John English says:

Two kinds of handwriting…perhaps two people. And neither particularly match the envelope, which means…a third.

All I’m gonna say is hide under the desk. Someone else’s desk.

Cilla says:

No, KeeP tHat PICTuRE…IT MakEs mE HappY…oH YeAh…yeAH

ed says:

look out mike, it’s a c-o-n-spiracy!

Genevieve says:

Well, at least now I know what MMA means. LOL.

james says:

All the talk about serial killers is a bit creepy.
But, Mike OSEGUEDA, you do look a bit pre-pubescent in that photo. If you take a new one, can you grow a ‘stache?

Mr. Incognito says:

Man, I’ve been looking for that letter…. My bad!

Jamie says:

Congratulations Mike…this has got to be your week. This letter and two shout outs in the letters to the editor today…time to celebrate!!