This is such a big deal, I had to announce it in CAPS. We’ve all been preparing for months, planning, waiting, dreaming of National Chocolate Day and it’s finally here! In fact, we’re all celebrating this national holiday by…
Huh. You’d think when you give a major food group its own holiday you’d have scores of retailers supporting its inherent goodness. Sales of chocolate should be through the roof. Every home should have some kind of sculpture created out of and in honor of the blessed stuff. One would expect Starbucks to create a special drink for this day, at the very least.
But it’s not turning out to be the type of holiday I expected. Granted, I’d only learned about 2-hours ago that National Chocolate Day existed at all, and this via some obscure very reliable tweet. But when I went to verify the veracity of this info, a quick internet “National Chocolate Day” search revealed some incredibly troubling information, indeed. First, my search uncovered merely two whopping news stories announcing the day — followed by several links that were wholly unrelated. And second, it gets worse.
A detailed analysis of the wholly unrelated links sent me to a couple of sites calling today “National Chocolate Pudding Day” and still others thumbing it “National Chocolate Ice Cream Day.” And my go to, Wikipedia? Today’s date is already christened both “National Strawberry Sundae Day” AND “National Macaroni Day” — not even a mention of chocolate! Well, not until tomorrow, which Wikipedia calls “National Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day.”
WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE? Did I not already announce, based on said obscure very reliable tweet, that today was “National Chocolate Day”? How can Wikipedia cross me?
— DietsInReview (@DietsInReview) July 7, 2014
You see? PROOF. In fact, others made announcements as well:
— Hooters (@Hooters) July 7, 2014
— Little Debbie (@LittleDebbie) July 7, 2014
— Marble Slab (@MarbleSlab) July 7, 2014
Honestly, if a woman cannot put her faith in the likes of Little Debbie and Marble Slab Creamery — to say nothing of Hooters — I daresay there isn’t a single entity in which we CAN place our trust.
No. Today, I urge you to forget Wikipedia. Instead: Go eat chocolate.
…and then listen to Wikipedia and do it again tomorrow, but with almonds.