I went out last night to take a few pictures of people in crazy getups, but I figured < a thousand words would be better ...

@The guy outside Starline with one pair of beads around his neck, smoking a cigarette and talking on the cell phone yet still asking every girl who walked by him if they wanted to flash him for beads: Dude. Seriously?

@The girls who took up other guys' similar offers throughout the night in various places such as outside Babylon: Ladies (and I mean that loosely). Seriously?

@The one woman who already flashed for one pair of cheap beads but came back and asked, "What else can I do for more beads?": Have you never learned the law of supply and demand? Now you're just coming across as desperate.

@The guys who really tried hard to get any action at all: Lemme get this straight ... When the girl says she doesn't want to flash you, you say "OK, no camera." Then when that doesn't work, you ask to just see her bra. You then realize she might be interested, so you up your bead ante. [Hold on, I'm taking notes here.] Then, when all else fails, you ask her to make out with your friend. Finally he gets a peck on the cheek. ... Those are some impressive negotiating skills. I guess you just really have to want it.

@The girl with the bunny ears, black shorts with tail sticking out and really open top (and your friend in the impossibly short police-woman dress with the cleavage):

No comment. Just wanted to say, "Hi."

@All the guys who huddled around those two girls all the way from Tower Theatre to Bobby Salazar's: Guys, they stopped paying attention to you back at Sequoia. They weren't interested. Obviously they were out there for attention, and they got it, but at some point you have to realize they're not in the business of returning said attention. So to the dude who so romantically remarked "wow, I wanna see those t*tties" (not to the girls themselves but to your friends and one of hundreds of cops around), stay classy.

@The guy standing outside the ice-cream shop with the hand-held camcorder: There were a lot more interesting places to film. Yet you were there for hours, with the camera up to your eye and presumably recording everything that passed by. It just came across as creepy.

@The idiots in car that passed me as I was walking from my street on my way to Olive Avenue: I don't care about your music and I'm not impressed with your ability to stick half your body outside your car to serenade me. At first I thought you were threatening me, and then I got the feeling that you just really liked me. Just drive and park. Then walk around and act like an idiot.

@The police officers who were assigned to keep order (basically every cop in Fresno): Thanks for all your service to our community (and for not beating me up like I was a homeless guy), but what's up controlling foot traffic like we're cattle? I couldn't cross at the northeast corner of Olive and Wishon, and then I couldn't cross at the northwest corner of Olive and Wishon. I had to walk all the way to Bobby Salazar's to cross the street so I could just walk eastbound. Look, if you're that worried about controlling people, just close down street traffic or don't allow people in the streets altogether. It seems like you're trying to have it both ways: business-friendly but with gestapoesque policies. And another thing: why were dozens of people sitting on curbs with their hands behind their backs? Were every single one of those people arrested and booked in jail last night? Because having them sit like that really makes them look like criminals.

@The people who parked in front of my house: Thanks for not littering my front lawn with beer bottles, cigarettes and empty packs of Funyuns. (This year was the first time that didn't happen. Although I can't say the same for some of my neighbors.)

@Beehive readers who were out there last night: Did I miss anything?