There are about 45 minutes to go before the "official" start of the awards telecast, and I figured I'd better put SOMETHING up here to push down on this blog the gratuitously large photograph that Will posted of me to promote tonight's live blog of ceremony. Actually, thanks for the marketing boost, Will. (That's an ages-old photo of me in a Fresno State marching band uniform, by the way, for a story I wrote about being in the band. And who says I don't root for the Bulldogs?)

The live broadcast starts at 5 p.m., but the pre-shows are already raging along, of course, with tooth-whitened hosts going into near spasms of giddiness when they spot Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens on the red carpet. Is there anything more empty/cloying/obsequious than listening to Ryan Seacrest kill time by interviewing people assembly-line style? I just watched him on E! talking to the kids from "Slumdog Millionaire." Um, Ryan, a little reminder: Not everyone in the world speaks the same language. Low point: Asking the littlest one a question in English and then chuckling when he didn't understand.

As for the show itself, the buzz online seems to be that ABC and the Oscar folks are simply terrified of low ratings and a lack of interest in the nominated films. Nikki Finke reports on her well-read Deadline Hollywood Daily that all sorts of "surprises" are planned for tonight's broadcast, including -- do not pick up any sharp kitchen implements -- a song-and-dance number. Well, if anyone can pull it off, it'll be host Hugh "The Boy from Oz" Jackman. We've been hearing so much about "surprises" and various ways that the producers are hoping to spice up the broadcast that I fear expectations will be too high -- folks will be disappointed unless some famous star from the 1940s is somehow exhumed and reincarnated on stage, say -- for them to pull it off. Finke says that the Oscar folks even tried to arrange for some of the big-name stars to enter the theater through a side door instead of the red carpet so that viewers would have to wait to see all those glamorous dresses. If that had happened, can you imagine how disappointed the folks at E! would be who are working their Fashion "Glamastrator" freeze-frame critiquing device?

In the meantime, I'll be watching the pre-show and checking out all those dresses. I'm counting on you fashion critics out there to be chime in on the best and the worst.