Spoilers. No, seriously. Don't read this if you didn't watch "Lost" last night.

So. What did we all think of "The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham"?

Instead of trying to put together some kind of coherent assessment of last night's episode -- which was chock full of revelations -- I'm going to present the notes I took while watching the show, like a live blog, only dead. Dead blog. Because Jeremy Bentham is dead. Get it?

Here we go (props to anyone who can get through this):

-- Whoa! Immediately we're on the island. I was so wrong. It's new castaways. I smell a spin-off! Have to rewind the DVR -- where exactly is Caesar? In a Dharma hatch? If they've landed in the 1970s (as we're led to believe from last week), maybe it's just a Dharma camp of some kind? Daniel Faraday's office?

-- Locke was right from the beginning: it's a magic island. When he first landed there, he escaped paralysis. The second time, he escaped death.

-- Ilana (the new Ana Lucia!) tells Locke the pilot and some woman took off in a boat. Sun, I presume?

-- Apparently Tunisia is where the island spits out its escapees, as we've seen before with Ben, the polar bear Charlotte Lewis found in the desert, and now Locke. The close-up of Locke coming to in the desert is the complete opposite of his first wake-up on the island -- then, he found he could walk again. Back in civilization, he's back to being immobile.

-- Hey, that guy!

-- Widmore, you son of a gun. Confirms Tunisia is the "exit" from the island. Gives us the lowdown on why, exactly, he and Ben have beef: Ben expelled him from the island after he spent thirty years protecting it. Ooh, a war is coming, says Widmore. Me thinks it's the Widmorians vs. the Linusites. Anyone else on Team Widmore?

-- Widmore names Locke Jeremy Bentham. Awww... it's a new daddy for Locke. Now we know it was not Ben aiding John while he was back in civilization, it was Widmore.

-- Sayid is in Santo Domingo building schools for poor children after spending two years killing people for Ben. Nice. Not nice is what he says to John: "Is it because you have nowhere else to go?" referring to John's obsession with returning to the island.

-- Waaaaalt!!!!

-- Good lord. Ben sees Locke talking to Walt and gives him a look of death. Uh oh. Death look not good coming from that guy.

-- Matthew Abbadon says that he helps people get to where they need to get to. He talks about convincing John to go on the walkabout which eventually got Locke on that fateful flight. How did Widmore know which plane to put John on? If he had the kind of knowledge that correctly predicts when planes will fly through the right coordinates to get to the island, he'd just go there himself, right?

-- Kate says to John, "It was all because you didn't love anybody." I'm sensing a theme here; namely that everyone thinks John is a big loser.

-- R.I.P. Helen.

-- R.I.P. Abaddon.

-- "Maybe you're just a lonely old man that crashed on an island," Jack tells Locke. Yikes. Feeling like a failure and a loser is definitely one of John's crosses to bear in life. Clearly everyone sees right through him. Except Ben and now Widmore, who insists Locke is special.

-- Is Locke's insistence that it was Jack's father, Christian, who sent him back to civilization the thing that gets Jack to believe? Probs.

-- Dude. Ben just killed Locke. Straight murdered him. Clearly he wants Locke out of the picture so he can rule the roost. Does this mean he has no idea that John will return in some way? Apparently not. But what about when Jack asked him in the season premiere if Locke was dead and Ben didn't answer? Maybe by choing the crap out of him, he was simply "helping" Locke to make sure he didn't chicken out? Why can't I ever get a read on Ben? Evil or not evil? Mostly evil? Who knows?!??!!1

-- Team Widmore for certain.

Wow, that was an intense episode, wasn't it? So many things going on, so many questions answered. I feel like this season is plowing right ahead, and definitely making up for the time wasted during some of the previous seasons. Again, good stuff.

More about last night's episode below.

EW's recap
Watch ABC's "Lost Untangled":