Last living person without a cell phone caves
I bought a cell phone today. I hate telephones. I never answer the land line I have, I never call people back, and I've long believed that cell phones turn most intelligent people into inconsiderate, immature morons.
For years, I've listened to friends complain that it's impossible to track me down at any given moment -- something I considered a good thing. Apparently, though, we all need to know where everyone else is every moment of the day. Judging from the conversations I've had to listen to while in line at various stores, cell phones are all about location.
"I'm at the grocery store ... where are you? ... Oh ... Where are you headed after that? ... Did you talk to Brian? Where's he at? ... Okay ... Well, I'm heading home. See you in a minute."
Clearly most cell phone users haven't gotten past the idea that you can talk to anyone from anywhere, and they feel the need to keep trying it out, even when (especially when) they have absolutely nothing to say.
But, despite my hatred for cell phones and the people who love them, I finally figured -- you know -- eff it. I went to [National Electronics Chain Store] and told a very nice and helpful guy working the phone section to give me whatever plan came with a free phone. It went something like this:
"Do you want email?"
"No, I have a computer for that."
"Okay. What features do you want?"
"I want it to place and receive phone calls."
"Ohhhkay."
"I hate talking on the phone and won't be using it that much, so give me the lowest number of minutes."
"Do you want text messaging?"
"Texting is so I don't have to talk directly to people, right?"
"Yes."
"Yeah. Gimme unlimited texting."
"Now, you've probably seen that commercial where the girl from "The Hills" does her makeup in the reflection of the phone. It doesn't actually work like that. People have complained."
"If I push the buttons in order to speak to someone who isn't standing directly in front of me, will that person be able to hear me and speak back?"
"Yes."
"Sold."
Twenty minutes later I had a shiny new cell phone, a bill that's now triple what I was paying for my land line, and one more gadget to lose/drop in the toilet.
Curious to see if the thing actually worked, I placed my very first call ... which my brilliant new cell phone dropped about thirty seconds into the conversation. I immediately turned the thing off and threw it in a drawer.
Yep. It's all about location.
Comments:
i read ya. i hate cell phones too. when people ask me for my cell phone number, i tell them i don't know, haha. i seriously don't know, i have to look at the latest text message to see my number.
when i ask for a person's phone number, i still look for a napkin and ask them if they have a pen. they look at me and say, dude, you have a cell phone, just add me, LOL!!
i don't answer, and i don't call out. i just basically use it to text and to get on the internet. i know it's rude, but if i'm sitting with people at dinner and i'm not part of the conservation, i just hit the web button and check out the beehive, haha.
Posted by: mdub420 at October 22, 2008 4:57 PM
Welcome! Now....when are you gonna post that number up here again?
Posted by: brodiemash at October 22, 2008 4:58 PM
Sell. Out.
Posted by: Bitter Land Land Worker Guy at October 22, 2008 5:03 PM
H:
-now that was funny.
-e
Posted by: wet towel at October 22, 2008 5:05 PM
I never thought I would have anything in common with Heather.
But I'm glad for this. I am now officially the last person without a cell phone :)
Posted by: KJ at October 22, 2008 5:06 PM
I feel your pain, H. I was the last one to get a pager. Then cell phone, which was in fact purchased on my behalf and forced on me by the company I worked for at the time. It's been about a decade and I still hate it. SBR mocks me because...i cn brly txt my nme. And now I'm on multiple enemy lists because I refuse to be twittered, linkedined, plaxoed, or the other dozen time wasters. Hey, you made me get this stupid cell phone. Call me. BTW, if I'm in my living room, laundry room or almost anywhere in that 300,000 sq. ft. spaceship on P Street I call home 10 hours a day...I missed your call!
Posted by: Ray Arthur at October 22, 2008 5:19 PM
congratulations, now you can call cabo wabo for food to go from the safety of your home
jajaja
Posted by: dave at October 22, 2008 8:32 PM
Heather, gosh, I hate to tell you this, but you're not the last living person without a cell phone: My husband not only refuses to get a cell phone, he doesn't even have an ATM card. (And don't get me started on the fact that we don't have cable TV, either.)
Posted by: felicia matlosz at October 22, 2008 9:10 PM
WHAT??? Ladies and gentlemen, Hell has definitely frozen over. I repeat. Hell has frozen over.
Posted by: Tiffany at October 22, 2008 9:29 PM
Heather,
On a totally unrelated note to this post, I have a technical comment that maybe you can forward to the proper "authorities" if you so choose.
As a frequent commenter on the Beehive, I find it frustrating after posting a comment, it is quite cumbersome to return to return to the original Beehive page. After posting my comment, I am returned to the post in which I commented, however, not the day's list of postings. By hitting "Back" on my browser only takes me to my comment box and a vicious cycle. I usually end up starting fresh by going to my "Favorites" and selecting the Beehive. (Yes, you are one of my favorites, Beehive!)
Maybe this is something I am doing wrong, or maybe this is something others are experiencing and your "code monkeys" could work on fixing to ease the way we comment.
Just my two cents. Thanks for listening.
Posted by: Tiffany at October 22, 2008 9:39 PM
???? Are people living in the Stone Age? Who doesn't have a cell phone? Are you kidding?
Posted by: Greg at October 23, 2008 12:09 AM
How many places does ModernMan/Woman have to check for messages?:
the home telephone answering machine, a couple of email accounts, cell phone, myspace,etc. etc.
after a while it gets to be work.
I guess (???) some folks solve that with one of those all-in-one phone things (blackberry?is that what they're for?)
Add in newspapers and websites and one can spend their entire day not doing anything but keeping current with their information.
You ever see those movies where someone Out West gets a letter and finds out his Uncle Harry died last month?
I'm not sure if it's better or worse, but it sure is different.
Posted by: blake at October 23, 2008 8:15 AM
Tiffany, if you go all the way up to the top of the page after posting and click on the Fresno Beehive logo, that'll take you to the main page.
Posted by: adam at October 23, 2008 8:28 AM
Er, sorry, not the logo, but just the word Beehive.
Posted by: adam at October 23, 2008 8:29 AM
People sort of assume that technology gets 'better and better' through time.Like it's on some sort of ever-rising curve making all aspects of our life 'better', but we've traded cell phones for land lines which often sound better (and certainly drop calls less), and we've traded lp's/cd's for mp3's which are compressed files and sound worse.
So, in today's world, I guess it's really convenience that is moving upwards on the graph.
Hey, where's my big giant 70's headphones?
Posted by: blake at October 23, 2008 8:40 AM
What's a cellphone?
Posted by: Michael at October 23, 2008 8:42 AM
just hit Fresno Beehive at the top of the webpage and you are back at square one.
Posted by: mdub420 at October 23, 2008 8:42 AM
Adam & mdub,
Thanks for the scoop.
Posted by: Tiffany at October 23, 2008 9:24 AM
Okay, I commented and then clicked on the Beehive logo and it did take me back to the original page, however, back to the top.
Is there a way to directly go back to the post where I had left my comment and left off reading. Or, will I always have to scroll back down and find it myself?
Posted by: Tiffany at October 23, 2008 9:27 AM
Hahahahahaha!!!! Oh Heahter, welcome to the sick sad world of being available 24/7. I have a Crackberry and it's my life line. With how busy I am I have to be that inconsiderate schmuck in the grocery store talking to those I need to talk to... there just aren't enough hours in a day! :/
Hopefully you can keep your usage to a minimum and intervention me??
Posted by: Renee N at October 23, 2008 9:36 AM
Let me see if I can figure something out for you, Tiffany. I'm not sure if it can be done with the MOvable Type software we're using or not, but I'll check it out.
I've been monkeying around with the code this week anyway.
Anyone have more suggestions, e-mail me at jward@fresnobee.com
Posted by: Chief Code Monkey at October 23, 2008 10:27 AM
H -
I love my "pocket-sized texting machine," err, cellular phone. I hate talking on the phone and really use it for texting.
When I bought mine they wanted to give me one that took pictures (I have a camera), video (I have a video camera), played MP3's (I have an iPod), surfed the web (I have a computer), and did prostate exams (I have a doctor)...I don't care about bluetooth, hands free, computer syncing, or uploading ringtones (I keep my pocket texter on vibrate (after all, it is a pocket texter, why would I want it to ring instead of vibrate?)).
I do like caller ID because I can knowingly ignore people...that rocks.
I dare you to post your number...I'll post mine: 559.867.5309
Posted by: Travis Sheridan at October 23, 2008 11:02 AM
I just saw your post "H"! I'm, I'm, I'm shocked... I don't know what else to really say. A few months ago when I asked you to hit me up concerning the Black Light Poetry stuff, I thought you were putting me off with your, "I don't talk on the phone" comment...
I'm proud of you, I hope Mike talked you into getting an iPhone at least!
Posted by: Mr. Incognito at October 23, 2008 11:18 AM
Thanks, Chief.
Posted by: Tiffany at October 23, 2008 11:23 AM
AAAAHHHH!! Travis is givin out the digits!
I feel a prank call coming on!
And I LOVE to Tee-Pee houses, so keep your address far far from the beehive.
Welcome Heather to annoying, insecure, cant-do-anything-alone land. I swear the minute i got my phone i was reduced to a silly 13-year-old who couldnt take one step without the need to text someone!
Posted by: MsJoey at October 23, 2008 4:09 PM
MsJoey,
When you prank call me, remember to ask for Jenny.
T
Posted by: Travis Sheridan at October 23, 2008 4:18 PM
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