A 26-year-old Texan, Crystle Stewart, is the new Miss USA. I mention that because this week’s ratings reveal most of you didn’t watch the pageant. The telecast on NBC attracted only 5.7 million viewers. That’s 1.7 million less than last year. If you were to take away all of the relatives of the contestants that number would drop by another million.

So what’s the problem? Television viewers have shown in the past they like programs that feature pretty women in swimsuits. Do you actually want to argue that “Baywatch” drew viewers because of the plots? No. It was the swimsuits.

And there is no question reality television is big. That’s why most nights are a viewing wasteland for scripted television because of “Survivor,” “Hell’s Kitchen,” “American Idol” and “Big Brother.” OK. “Big Brother” is not a good example. Even less people watch that garbage than the pageant.

Here’s the big question. How can the “Miss USA Pageant” draw more viewers? Here are a few suggestions.

1. The talent portion should be judged immediately. Imagine a caustic British judge saying “Miss Illinois your rap version of ‘Swan Lake’ was the worst thing since my cat ate a dead mouse and spewed it all over my new rug. Even that had some originality.”

2. Have each go on a date with “Rock of Love” star Bret Michaels. You can bet Miss Idaho or Miss Rhode Island will have some better answers for the judges after a few dozen beers.

3. Televise the show from a deserted island. Challenges could be “make a sash from what you can find” or “eat a bug to win immunity.”

4. Replace the talent portion with a cooking contest. Chef Gordon Ramsay could stand and scream at each contestant. “What the (bleep) do you (bleep) call that (bleep) Miss (bleep) Montana. You can’t boil water. Its cold. Get out of my kitchen. Shut the competition down!”

5. Let Donald Trump pick the winner. You know he’s already sized up the contestants.

6. Divide the contestants into two teams. Players are eliminated through a game of Red Rover.

7. Replace Miss Maine with Miss Sweden.

8. Two words: professional wrestling. Can’t you just see Miss Georgia getting in Miss California’s face and shouting “This is my crown. I will yank your blond hair out by its black roots if you don’t take a walk.’

9. Give the contestants puppies.

10. Forget the whole thing. Then wait and see how long it is before anyone notices.