Uh, I'm not one to spread Rove whisper campaigns, but Clooney co-stars with men that he romances (e.g., Mark Wahlberg). John Krasinski ain't havin' babies with you, honey. Maybe George, but not you.

Krasinski's Homeland Security gaydar is currently at orange, moving to red. ((and good for him!!))

I hear Federline is lookin' for a new local Britney... and he comes with (non-fictional) children. Instant family--just add Heather.

Tom, how could you burst my bubble like that? I was absolutely positive that I could romance both George and John - possibly simultaneously. And now I find out it's their sexuality keeping us apart? Now that I've discovered they'll never be attracted to me, they're each at least 78 - no, 87- percent less attractive to me.

I am shattered. I'll never trust love with a distant movie star ever again.*

*This comment has been brought to you by a copious amount of sarcasm and just a tiny bit of dry London gin.

The movie was AWFUL...but Jim Halpert can be my war hero any day.

Heather, I am on secret assignment this weekend (it involves red wine, college war stories and crossing state lines), but I had to tell you that a key paragraph in my "Leatherheads" review was trimmed because of space constraints. That paragraph read:

"Rumor has it that the film included an extended 15-minute mud wrestling scene between Krasinski and Clooney. Look for it on the director's cut DVD."

Donald: you had me at "mud wrestling." Welcome back to my good graces.

Erin: you know I'm going to have to fight you on that one.

Heather: let's keep both the sarcasm and the gin to a minimum in the future.