And now, a moment with Britney Spears
Baby Spears: Mommy, who are those people in the Kohl's suit separates and cheap shoes sitting in our cabana and writing stuff down every time you drink your mommy medicine or teach doggie his lessons?
Britney: No one, Baby. Just some [expletives deleted] your son of a bitch daddy hired to take away mommy's precious boys from her. Remember what we always say? Say it with me: Daddy doesn't love you like Mommy does --
Baby Spears: because he wants to make me work in sweat shop in Fresno all day with no soda or candy or swimming, like Mommy gives me. Mommy, can I have another sip of your medicine?
Britney Spears: No, Baby. You know that's just for nap time, and only when Mommy has her special friends over.
Baby Spears: Oh yeah. I can't wait for nap time! Mommy, where are my pants?
Britney: Remember how you were a bad, bad boy and you kept going poopy in them? This way you can just go like doggie goes and the gardener will clean it up later. That reminds me, I sent your Manny to the store for some Pampers two weeks ago and he never came back.
Here, Baby. Hold Mommy's lollipop so I can go call that [expletive deleted] piece of [expletive deleted] and let him know that no one messes with Britney Spears. I'm country, y'all and I'll get backwoods on his ass if he don't bring those Pampers and a bottle of Arbor Mist back right the hell now. And that [expletive deleted] better be bringing back some [expletive deleted] change this time!
Baby Spears: Manny has the same name as Daddy? I wish he'd come back and save me. I mean, play with me. I love you, Mommy.
Britney Spears: Dammit, Baby! You made Mommy spill her medicine. Lupe! Come get these damn kids - it's nap time! Find the other one, will you? I think he was playing out by the street a couple of hours ago. And you in the Jaclyn Smith suit - stop writing this [expletive deleted] down! Haven't you ever seen a working single mother before? [expletive deleted] off!
Wait, come back a sec. If I give you 20 bucks, will you go get me a red bull, some tequila and a pack of ciggies? Ohmigod, you're so sweet. Wanna be in a music video?
Comments:
Wonderful insight into the mind of Ms. Spears as always Heather.
God that picture just oozes class. Cig in hand and all.
Posted by: Michael at August 28, 2007 8:52 AM
This is the only ever Britney/HMac post I'll object to ever.
I have a huge problem with paparazzi hanging out in trees to get shots.
There's GOT to be some sort of 'invasion of privacy' issue here.
this just makes every other mother in the world happy as heck they aren't scrutinized this closely (huh, Celena!) by paparazzi all the time.
So kudos to HMac for the writing skills, but c'mon, you're just encouraging the Wal-Mart 'reporters,' and someday they're gonna come after you!
Posted by: Stephen at August 28, 2007 10:02 AM
OMG that's hillarious!
Posted by: Jimsmine at August 28, 2007 10:37 AM
You know, Stephen, I thought about that before I posted the shot.
If it was anyone else, I wouldn't have used the picture. But, since Britney has spent a lot of effort getting the paps to photograph every inch of her body, including her womb, I went ahead with it.
Posted by: Heather at August 28, 2007 1:33 PM
My eyes! My eyes!
Posted by: suzanne at August 29, 2007 12:36 AM
Stephen,
People love to read about the troubles of celebs, and as long as they do, they'll keep fueling the celeb rag business, "Wal-Mart reporters" included. (Which makes me wonder, are Bee writers "Gottschalk reporters"?)
Posted by: Marty at August 29, 2007 1:08 AM
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