It’s Johnny Depp. You know — in case you didn’t already know he’s sexy from years of being alive and having the ability to see things with your eyes.
The rest of the list goes something like this:
It starts off good, with Ryan Reynolds, Jake Gyllenhaal, Bradley Cooper, David Beckham, Gilles Marini, and He of the Rockin’ Pornstache, Robert Downey Jr.
And then, as People predictably tries to be unpredictable, the train goes off the rails:
The “Glee” Guys. I don’t know what a “glee guy” is, but I do know that the word “glee” has the magic ability to suck the sexy right out of a room.
Nick Cannon, Mariah Carey’s pillow fluffer/butterfly wrangler. I’m guessing a certain diva promised People a future pregnancy exclusive in exchange for this.
Adam Lambert. “Gay” and “Sexy” are not mutually exclusive, even in People magazine’s hetero soccer mom fantasy world. However, “Adam Lambert” and “Sexy”? Totally are.
John Cho. Ahh … the token Asian guy. I like Harold, and I really like that suit, so I’ll forgive him for not being Neil Patrick Harris, just this once.
Chris Daughtry. I thought this was a picture of Vin Diesel at first, and that I’d somehow found that wormhole back to 2001.
John Legend. Sure, okay. Moving on.
Sparkly Vampire Guy Who Doesn’t Seem to Bathe. You know People is just holding its breath until Abs McGee, aka Taylor Lautner, reaches that magic number.
And finally, Jerry O’Connell. Vern from Stand By Me in a Speedo? Sexiness WIN.
Meh. I can’t imagine who would rush out and buy this old dinosaur of an issue, but online it’s good for about 4-7 minutes of man ogling and indignant “Are you freakin’ kidding me? How is the Sexiest Man Alive not Jon Hamm?!” moments.
[All photos People]