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Which makes sense, I guess. I’ve never been a fan, but I can objectively look at Hugh Jackman and say, “Yes. That is a very attractive man.”

It’s the rest of the list that worries me.

I’m sure People, unable to accept just how silly and irrelevant the annual “hot” man parade has become, had grown tired of the Brads and the Georges and the Matthews taking up space on the cover, and was looking for new blood. Therein
lies the problem — the rest of their choices are sad, sad, sad, and even a little perplexing, with one major exception.

I think we all know who the rightful owner of the “Sexiest” title is:

Jon Hamm, star of the critically-acclaimed and underwatched television drama, “Mad Men”
(AMC, 10 p.m. Sundays)

Sexy beast.

And now here are the not-so-sexy picks. Remember, the key word here is supposed to be “sexy.”

Zac Efron — Part puppy, part walking ball of hair product.

Ed Westwick — I’m not sure, but I think he might be the “girl” in “Gossip Girl.”

Michael Phelps — 76% of him qualifies in this race.

Blake Shelton — Who? Country stars shouldn’t be allowed to even buy the “Sexiest” issue.

Mark Paul Gosselaar — Sexy? Not with Jessie Spano’s hair.

Robert Pattinson — Too soon. (Sorry, Kathy.)

David Beckham — Is it possible for a man’s wife to bring down his sexiness? Yes. God yes.

All right, People — you keep putting out the list, I’m going to keep commenting on it. But really, at this point we’re just hurting ourselves. (Unless you put Jon Hamm on the cover next year, then all is forgiven. Think about it.)