In conjunction with the national tour of "Avenue Q" visiting Fresno next week, I asked Beehive readers which puppet cast members I should interview. We ended up with a three-way tie, so I decided to feature all three. Here are (mostly) your questions, with answers straight from the puppets' mouths, or at least their handlers'. (A nod to the "Avenue Q" tour actors who took the time to respond.)
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TREKKIE MONSTER, as completed by Jason Heymann
Question: Do you prefer fur-on-fur porn?
Me prefer any porn. Animal. Monster. Furries. Puppets. Humans. All porn is wonderful.
What were your childhood aspirations before you discovered porn?
Me wanted to be President of the United States but then when me was 12 me found father's porn collection and suddenly me no wanted to be President. Me only wanted to meet President's wife. That is when me knew porn was me real calling. And so me invested.
Seeing as how you're "Trekkie" Monster I'll ask the age old question: Who is the better Captain, Kirk or Picard?
Captain Kirk. And Uhura - aaaaaoooooga! She is hot! Me love her!
Since the only safe investment in a volatile market is porn, how diversified is your portfolio? Long term winners and losers in this market?
Only stable investment is porn. Me stayed invested in porn and made money through the tech bubble bursting and right through this recession up to now. Back above 10,000 but 6500 didn't even hurt me. Porn is solid investment.
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ROD, as completed by Brent Michael DiRoma
What'd you have for lunch today?
I made myself a greek salad and I had an early glass of Merlot... it's been one of those weeks, haha!
Do you have your own "Pal Joey"?
Oh yes I have my own copies of the motion picture and the libretto.
Why haven't you told Nicki how you feel about him?
What do you mean? Nicky knows I think he's a stubborn & messy roommate ... nothing more ...
Tell us more about your girlfriend who lives in Canada. Will you get a chance to visit her and go to the Olympics?
Well you see Alberta is actually going on a safari in Africa and I'm quite busy anyway, so no I don't think that will be happening.
Would you support Sarah Palin if she ran for president?
... really?
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LUCY THE SLUT, as completed by Ashley Eileen Bucknam
Is Lady Gaga a role model?
Anyone who makes you go Gaga is a role model. What are you doing tonight? How about I make you go Gaga?
How many hearts did you break in Celebration, Fla.?
I don't know anything about breaking hearts because I always "love 'em and leave 'em." Wouldn't want my motor to idle too long.
What recommendations do you have for a person who dates online?
What are you going to do with a person online? They only way to find out if someone is any good is in the bedroom. Ya know what, baby? I think I might have just started the new dating trend. ItsTimeToDoLucy.com. Work on it.
Do you have any tips for someone wanting to become a night club singer?
You gotta have a following. I started out as the star of Girls Gone Wild parts II, V, and VII. That's about as top notch as you get.
Are they real?
How about you come to the Around the Clock Cafe tonight, and I'll let you find out for yourself.
Those witty puppets!
I have absolutely no clue what is happening here. Why are people asking that scary-looking puppet so many questions about porn?
Trekkie Monster (a thinly disguised Cookie Monster from "Sesame Street") sings a song titled "The Internet Is for Porn." He's obsessed. "Why you think the Net was born? Porn, porn, porn," he sings. Hilarious stuff.
I'm with Heather on this one. Have no idea what any of this means.
DLR & Heather - This is just a preview of the show. You don't need to know right now what it means. Just go see the show.
If you have seen the show, Trekkie is the hero and is able to pay for the Monster school because, to quote Trekkie himself; "the only safe investment is porn." One of the songs is called "The Internet is for Porn."
Oh Fresnans, just go see the show! It's hilarious and this will all make more sense. And trust me, it only gets sillier and sillier...Gary Coleman, songs called "It Sucks to be Me" and "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist," and puppet-on-puppet sexin'.
I saw Avenue Q in NYC in 2007 and fell in love with it. Check it out while it's in town, especially if you grew up with Sesame Street.
I too saw Ave Q while it was in NYC. This show is not to be missed, unless you are boring and have no sense of humor.