I simply could not let us go into 2010 without looking back at the gloriously horrible club and concert fliers that 2009 brought us. And fans of our Worst Flier of the Week know that it brought us many.
So I went through all the 2009 WFOTW entries and picked some of the favorites, figuring a year-end grudge match was in order. I through a wild-card entry in at the end and even created one of those fancy polls so we can actually count votes.
Before we go on, I'd just like to simultaneously say I'm sorry and thank you to the guilty designers and promoters. Here's hoping 2010 brings you some better fliers ... or not.
1. SEXY GOGO NURSES (from Jan. 23)
Not just sexy gogo dancers, but sexy gogo NURSES. See, I wouldn't care if they were secretaries, teachers or flight attendants, but nurses? Yes, no I hella care. Also: Is it just me or all the pictures on here just the same six people over and over again? Also Pt. 2: You really gonna name your event after an album that's never coming out?
2. A FLASHING HEADACHE (from Feb. 13)
I'd like to state once again my HATE for animated .gifs. The one directly above is a 1.5 MB flashing headache. It should come with Excedrin.
3. CUM BAK PARTY (from Feb. 20)
I have no words.
4. MIKE HAVING SEIZURE (from March 9)
I hate to keep picking on animated .gifs, but this one damn near gave me a seizure. How is anybody supposed to read this crap?
5. ED HARDY + THAI FOOD: (from March 13)
OK, so I know we pick on (1) Birthday fliers and (2) these CVP people a lot in Worst Flier ... but come on. I knew this was the Worst Flier of the Week. Mmmm Thai food + Ed Hardy is my favorite combo.
6. GET YOUR NAILS DID AT THE CLUB (from April 3)
First of all, there are WAY too many people on this flier. Maybe it was "Everybody Who Shows Up Gets on the Flier" Week last week. Second, you could win a set of nails. Nails? Really? Next week how about you giveaway a car wash. Grey Goose shots are so much better when I know I'm getting my car detailed in the alley.
7. KIM FAUXDASHIAN (from April 10)
This was obviously The Worst the second I saw it. You got the Ed Hardy-looking background, the wannabe Kim Kardashian, dude's corporate mugshot underneath her no-no area ... and it all culminates with a guy who calls himself Scotty2Hotty being the "VIP host." It's a trainwreck.
8. THE LONE ASSCHEEK (from May 1)
This one makes us laugh -- we got the lone asscheek, half a handcuff, then we got this DJ Swiss pointing at us all proud of himself for standing next to asscheek that's as big as he is. THE WORST!
9. GOLF PROS & TENNIS HOES (from May 29)
This isn't so much based on poor design as it is a poor concept. Golf pros and tennis hoes? At a sushi joint? My head is going to explode.
10. DON'T SCROLL DOWN (from June 5)
This Worst Flier landed in our inbox courtesy of Beehive reader Joe, who commented: "It's like some coked out bro accidentally opened Photoshop instead of "Grand Theft Auto." Indeed, Joe it is. Behind Behold, Fresno, the Worst Flier of the Week. I know it might seem OK at first, but scroll down.
11. WHERE ROY G. BIV DIED (from June 12)
I'd like to think that if there were a real man named Roy G. Biv that Worst Flier of the Week would be where he came to die. Today, Roy (and the rest of y'all), we've got some doozies. The offenders have beat the color spectrum into submission.
12. FRESNO FAMOUS PEOPLE (from July 10)
Who decided to put a big ol' Roe logo and "Palm Ave. and Nees Ave." in front of the Old Security Bank building? No one was there to say, "Hey, guys, those two things don't really go together." And if you're going to promote your event as "Dancing With the Stars: Fresno Famous People" ... either Famous Whitewater or Jason Glover better be there!
13. BOOTY DEW (from Sept. 4)
Booty Dew Tuesdays? Really? I know it's another of those hip-hop song-and-dance things, but come on -- Booty Dew sounds like something that should be happening in the privacy of your own bathroom. Not at the club.
14. AN INDISTINGUISHABLE AFFAIR (from Sept. 4)
I literally have no idea what's going on in the flier below.
15. ALL YER FRIENDZ R BELONG TO US (from Oct. 23)
This week, we have an undisputed champ -- a Worst Flier of the Week Hall of Famer, if you will. Look below for the worst example I've ever seen of the let's-put-everyone-on-the-flier trend. I wonder if people other than the ones on the flier will actually show up? Hmmm.
16. WILDCARD ENTRY
This one was never actually in any of the Worst Flier of the Week posts, but it was in Post No Bills for months and I always looked at it and wondered "WTF?" Figured it was worth inclusion here.
Come on Mike..
You have to stop throwing these cheesy fliers up on the BeeHive...
you have got to be kidding.
I just want the madness to stop...
so, i may actually think the cum back party is the worst. i mean, cum back + kunts in free = terrrrrrrible.
but, i voted for mike having a seizure because that is so bad to look at. you've got to scroll by super quick and look away.
so i voted for black out party's infinite scroller, but i couldn't leave without just leaving this note about "golf pros/tennis hoes" that may seal the deal for other voters:
not only is it an awful concept (& i'm not a fan of the design* either), but it is also pretty poorly executed. & by that i mean it appears to feature a golf ho. and no tennis.
*font selection in particular. can anybody take IMPACT seriously these days?
That's a good point.
1 vote for the neverending flier. =|
The Black Out Party crashes my computer every time. If it doesn't win as worst flier then this contest was rigged. Although, the flashing trainwreck is a strong candidate.
I like how it looks like the Free Nails one just grabbed a bunch of myspace pictures of the guys and slapped them on last minute. My personal favorite is the guy taking the picture of himself with his razr phone.
Dear god, why can't I vote for them ALL??!?!
I voted for that stupid chocolate one, it makes me sick every time I see it. Also the black out party is pretty ridiculous these guys need to be banned from Photoshop for life.
LOL, my cousin is on the "Black Out Party" flyer. I had a feeling she would be.
who isn't?
All of them are horrible. Probably why I never went to any of these "events". My first pick is the Cum Bak Party - no explanation needed. Black Out flyer is just ridiculous and the Don't Scroll Down is offensive. But hey, I can look at it this way...this poll provided me with a much needed distraction from what I really should be doing...the dishes. : )
15. ALL YER FRIENDZ R BELONG TO US (from Oct. 23)
Truly epic.
Oh holy hell, they ALL deserve to be on there, I especially hate the blackout flier but that's just because its so ridiculous. The chocolate one also grosses me out!
Santos Bloodclot!!!! Worst Flyers Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!
O.K. I'm totally grossed out.
#15 The Reps Black Out flyer totally rules,
I want to go there and eat weenie rollups with mustard now
maybe they can hold a save the met party in there
those are just plain horrible, mike! kudos to you...that you actually have to find and/or post these monstrosities is amazing to me!!! i see alot of flyers but most are nowhere near as bad as these. my head hurts...
The Rep's fliers are awesome. It takes true marketing genius to convincingly portray an old Denny's that sits between a Jiffy Lube and a motel as Fresno's premier night club.
Wow! No wonder I dont go to any of these places
Okay I was gonna vote for Mike having seizure until I read the comment about kunts free on the cum bak party. I didn't even see it the first time around, just skimmed over that one. come on, that totally wins!
You can't go wrong with the Cum Bak Party. Every time I read it I discover some new misspelling!
We are only voting for one? Really? Okay… My vote goes to MIKE HAVING SEIZURE. I never thought it was possible to stay still and get motion sickness at the same time.