Come one, come all. Post No Bills has something for you to do this weekend, next weekend and beyond.

Lots of Halloween stuff this week, plus a full November of great events. If you want only the Halloween stuff, then you might wanna swing over here. But if you want the entire Post No Bills experience, check below.

As always, we welcome contributions from bands, artists, venues, promoters and regular joes. Send links to mosegueda@fresnobee.com.

OK, so technically nobody said "ABC30" or "Fresno" -- but a little ABC30 reporting on Halloween masks made it onto "The Colbert Report" last night. It's 23 seconds in. Shouts to Warren Armstrong ... and Graciela Moreno, even though she's not in the clip.

[Thanks to Beehive reader M. Justin Red for the tip and link]

UPDATE: We've got our two winners! Thanks for playing everyone.

ORIGINAL POST: If your weekend plans lean less toward "trick or treat" and more toward "vroom, vroom" -- then you're in luck. The Beehive is giving away tickets to this weekend's Central California Auto Show running through Sunday at the Fresno Convention and Entertainment Center.

You can check out some of the cool cars on display over on The Bee's new blog.

The SECOND and the FIFTH commenters on this post will each win a four-pack of tickets to the auto show. Tickets can be picked up at the convention center box office. As usual, a few notes: No repeat comments. You're ineligible if you've won something in the past 30 days. We won't post any comments until we have a winner. Complete rules after the jump.

While you search for tricks and treats ...

1. GET SPOOKED
We know what you want this weekend -- to be scared. The Fresno area gives us plenty of options. There's Haunted Fresno in downtown, Fright Night Scream Park in Clovis and Sanger's Hobb's Grove. Plus, check out my most recent column for info on one local guy who tricks out his own casa into a neighborhood haunted house that last year attracted 700 people. For a rundown of local haunted activities check here and here. If you're looking for Halloween parties, take a look after the jump.

I really like Karen Marguth. She's the kind of vocalist who just makes you happy when you hear her sing. Hers is feel-good jazz music and she's giving her fans something new to feel good about.

Marguth has put together a new CD with local jazz group Espacio providing the soundscapes for her lush vocals. They're having a CD release party tonight at Tokyo Garden (see flier after the jump), but Marguth was nice enough to share a free mp3 with Beehive readers.

Listen to "Exactly Like You" below. The whole CD is available on CD Baby. I recommend the track "I Like Me When I'm With You," which was my favorite track on first spin.

LISTEN: Karen Marguth - Exactly Like You

Oy vey! Anybody heard the Y101-produced, Fresno State-centric version of the Black Eyed Peas abomination hit song "I Gotta Feeling."

I think it's definitely worth a new installment of WTF or FTW.

I can see why people would like it -- it plays to hometown pride and does a fair job of being a top 40 fight song. But I'm sorry, I hate this song so much they could make it about tacos and I'd still want to rip my ears off my head.

My opinion doesn't matter here, though. WTF or FTW is where you, our wise readers, get to decide between awesomeness and lameness. So check out the song and chime in.

LISTEN: Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling (Fresno State Version)

Voting Key:
WTF = What the [Fudgesicle], a.k.a. "What are you thinking?"
FTW = For the Win, a.k.a. "That idea is a victory for people everywhere."

We've got quite a Thursday night on our hands, folks. There are some seriously cool touring acts in the area tonight. I'm not going to waste anymore time and just get into it.

TORI SPARKS: I guarantee you Tori Sparks is going to earn some new fans tonight in Fresno. This Nashville singer is equal parts soul, blues and folk -- an intersection that leads to comparisons to both Bonnie Raitt and Joni Mitchell. She's at Full Circle Brewing Co. at 8 p.m. $6.

MELT BANANA: As one of Japan's most famous rock bands, Melt Banana has made a considerable name for itself in the United States -- having toured with Tool and Lou Reed. Expect a night of noisy and fast rock 'n' roll at Visalia's The Cellar Door. 9:30 p.m. $10.

Our friends at The Daily Beast are all about ranking cities these days. Today, the site released its list of the 10 Worst Dropout Cities. And -- surprise, surprise -- Fresno is on it.

We ranked No. 9 this time. I guess that makes sense. If their data already says we're dumb, then we probably have a lot of dropouts too. It's worth noting that the same researcher for the smartest cities list, Clark Merrefield, also worked on this list.

The silver lining, if you look for such a thing in these cases, is that we ranked ahead of our California counterparts Riverside/San Bernardino/Ontario (No. 5), Stockton (No. 4) and -- drum roll, please -- Bakersfield, which topped the list at No. 1.

Of Fresno, The Daily Beast wrote:

Everybody is in Halloween mode around this town already. Be sure to check out our official Halloween guide for all the happenings over the next few days.

For tonight, you might want to check out Integration's Halloween party at Starline, a little bit of Halloween-flavored hip-hop at Babylon or the heaven and hell party at Aldo's.

I've got a short piece in the paper today about music club Crossroads opening back up under new ownership. Read it here.

Crossroads closed back in August, a definite blow to the local music scene. The guys who are opening it up are two brothers who also own Whiskey Creek.

They had been trying to open this weekend for a Halloween rock show, but co-owner Paco Villarreal told me on Tuesday that they're going to wait another week to make sure everything is in order.

Now that we're just a few days away from Halloween, everybody is scrambling to figure out their costumes and where they're going to be partying. Let us help with the second part.

Below is our very hearty collection of fliers for Halloween Happenings in Fresno-area nightspots. As you can see, some are getting started as early as tonight.

If you know about an event we don't have below, leave a link in the comments and I'll add it to this post.

I've had this new Weezer and Lil Wayne song sitting on my desktop for a couple days now. I haven't listened because I was pretty scared of what I would hear. Especially when you consider the song is called, "Can't Stop Partying." I figured the song had to be in the same facetious vein as "Beverly Hills," but after listening to it, I dunno. Check it out:

Oddly enough, I don't hate the song as much as I thought I would. That said, I'm still not sure whether Weezer is trying to be ironic, just likes Lil Wayne or a big bunch of sellouts.

It's the week of Halloween and Fresno rock fans are certainly getting a treat -- shows from shock-rock legend Alice Cooper and massive masked metal group Slipknot. Problem is, they're in town in the same night, at different venues.

Cooper is at Saroyan Theatre this evening, while Slipknot is setting up at Save Mart Center. Decisions, decisions.

I did Halloween-themed Q & A's with both Cooper and Slipknot's Paul Gray, both of which can be read here (Cooper is first, then Gray). So where ya gonna be tonight?

With all the mural hubbub happening lately, I'm reminded of a Fresno mural I saw recently.

I spied this mural while heading down Kings Canyon one day. It's on the front of JJ's Signs & Art, which is across the street from Tacos Tijuana.

As divisive as the Tower District mural has been, I'm thinking President Obama is much more divisive these days -- especially here in Fresno. Yet I haven't heard any debate or controversy.

Heck, I haven't even heard about conversation about it.

Of course, there isn't a lot of residential housing nearby, so that issue is a kinda moot here.

But I'm sure were this mural to be in a little more north on the Fresno map, there would probably be a little more debate about it too.

Jazz lovers, tonight you have a chance to see New York City's The Claudia Quintet, a contemporary jazz group playing at the very nice Shaghoian Concert Hall. Says Downbeat: "The Claudia Quintet creates a fresh, distinctive sound while it obliterates barriers between jazz, classical and progressive rock."

Elsewhere, if you're a house music fan -- or just like to Wax On and Wax Off -- head over to Audie's Olympic this fine evening for a shindig with these fine local DJs:

Here's a trip through my weekend adventures. Tell us about yours in the comments.

FRIDAY
No, I did not go to see Dane Cook. Big surprise, right? Actually, I was having dinner at Yoshino's (Karate Punch and spicy teriyaki FTW!) when I found out about the Tower District mural being painted over (covered in detail here). So I had stop eating and play reporter. Later that night, I headed out to the mural where a bunch of people were hanging out, watching the artists finish up their work. Of course, the mural decision was eventually reversed and it will stay up for the time being.

SATURDAY UPDATE: The Neighborhood Thrift mural will live on -- at least for now. Officials from The Well Community Church reversed their Friday decision to paint over the mural. Read more in this news update at fresnobee.com.

Here's what The Well's pastor Tim Goetz had to say about the decision via e-mail:

You know, if there's no room left on the party bus for you ...

1. SEE KWELI & FASHAWN
Fashawn is back in town Saturday night for this CD release party with underground rap hero Talib Kweli. It will actually be Fashawn's first Fresno show this year. Good news for him: "Boy Meets World," was the top-selling hip-hop CD at Amoeba this week. It was as high as No. 6 on the iTunes hip-hop charts too.

Come one, come all. Post No Bills has something for you to do this weekend, next weekend and beyond.

Below you'll find the biggest collection of Fresno event fliers and posters anywhere on the whole entire Internets. Concerts, clubs, community events -- it's all here. So give your browser a second to load, grab your calendar and start planning.

As always, we welcome contributions from bands, artists, venues, promoters and regular joes. Send links to mosegueda@fresnobee.com.

It's been too long, hasn't it, bad flier lovers? Worst Flier of the Week is back, and with perfect timing considering all the aesthetic bickering going on lately. This week, we have an undisputed champ -- a Worst Flier of the Week Hall of Famer, if you will.

Look below for the worst example I've ever seen of the let's-put-everyone-on-the-flier trend. I wonder if people other than the ones on the flier will actually show up? Hmmm.

Dane Cook is at the Save Mart Center tonight. I probably should have mentioned this somewhere on The Beehive before today. But, honestly, Dane Cook doesn't excite me too much.

I'll be interested to see how show turns out, though. I have no doubts that Dane Cook is popular. I'm not so sure about the funny part. Or the worth-a-$101.75-ticket part.

Obviously, my taste is a little different than Fresno's. I don't think George Lopez is funny either, but that guy has the biggest drawing show ever at Save Mart Center at 15,000+.

So I figured we'd take a poll. Who thinks Dane Cook is funny? Who is going to pay their hard-earned money to see him? Who thinks his being in Fresno tonight is a huge deal?

And who is with me and thinks Dane Cook sucks?

Country star Tim McGraw announced a slew of 2010 tour dates -- and Fresno is on the list.

According to a tour itinerary released by McGraw's camp late Thursday, he'll back at Save Mart Center on May 25.

Lady Antebellum has been named as an opener for the tour, while Love And Theft will also be on the bill in Fresno.

McGraw's latest album, "Southern Voice," was released on Tuesday. This will be McGraw's first Fresno stop since 2007. He and wife Faith Hill played here together in 2006 and 2007.

No word yet on ticket prices or an on-sale date. We'll keep you updated when we find out. Fans should keep an eye on timmcgraw.com for pre-sale info.

Full tour dates are below:

Hey Beehive readers, we're happy to announce a new Web offering from The Bee. It's our new arts & entertainment site. We're calling it 7, just like our printed Friday entertainment section.

Basically, it's the place to find all the local entertainment content you see in print -- with audio, video and Beehive posts mixed in.

Click over to the site, or check out the screenshot below:

Presented without comment:

Fresno's finest R&B singer "PRESIDENTIAL SWEETS" long-awaited album "Poppy Chulo" has been released and is now available for download on iTunes, Rhapsody, Napster, and Amazon.com. The talented singer/songwriter will soon be released from prison serving time on a violation for being in Florida collaborating with Rick Ross Maybach Recording Label, artist Chief Eli and many others. "PRESIDENTIAL SWEETS" next album is due for release May 2010 in Fresno, Ca. For more information contact iTunes, Rhapsody, Napster and Amazon.com.

OK, how about just one comment? I REALLY encourage you to go to Presidential Sweets' MySpace and listen to his song.

The show to be at tonight is the long-awaited CD release party for Fresno rock band Fay Wrays, which is happening at Audie's Olympic. The group released "Mata Hari" on Tuesday via JAXart Records. It's a digital release, but you can pick up a hard copy of the album at the show.

We offered you a free MP3 from the album earlier this week. You can hear the band on The Fresnan's most recent podcast too. Also of note: Wheels of Fortune, one of the opening bands tonight, just put its new album online for free streaming.

UPDATE: The April 10 date is now confirmed by Save Mart Center. Tickets will go on sale at 10 a.m. Oct. 30 and cost $27, $51.50 and $61.50. Original post below.

Beehive reader Catherine passes along word of a Fresno mention on G4's "Web Soup," in this skit about Sportsball. We're not sure what this Sportsball is, but we don't think it's something we're adding to the Blogger Olympics itinerary anytime soon.

For the record: We don't think anyone should feel too insulted by this. Maybe, the people who wrote it, but that's it.

There's some new stuff happening in the Fresno nightclubs this evening-- you know, because nightclub promoters never heard an idea they didn't try for at least one week. At Thaiphoon, the cool new thing is a name-tag party. Calling all stalkers!

The Beehive is proud to bring you another edition of Name That Bathroom, where you, our excretion experts, are tasked with identifying local restrooms of mystery. Today we offer up three. Leave your guesses in the comments.

NOTE: Yes, this is a restroom-- a women's restroom at that.
UPDATE: Props to Jennifer who identified this has the ladie's room at City Lights.

If you like psychedelic-tinged alt-rock fit for a party, then head over to Starline tonight to see Heavy Young Heathens. They're a duo based out of L.A., but are actually a couple of ex-Fresnans. Brothers Robbie and Aron used to be Mardo, but recently re-tooled their act as HYH -- and things are sounding mighty good. Check 'em out on MySpace and if you dig their sound, you can download all the music free at heavyyoungheathens.com.

We're going to put aside our Fashawn gushing for a while to talk about another local act with a big release today. That's rock band Fay Wrays who are releasing "Mata Hari" via JAXart Records. It's a digital release, so check your local iTunes.

Or, if you want to pick up a physical copy, stop by the band's CD release party on Thursday night at Audie's Olympic (flier below). You can read more about the band and the new release in this Bee story.

As a gift to all you Beehive readers, Fay Wrays have offered up a free mp3 of their rock goodness. Check out "Weatherman" below. We're not lying. It's super good.

DOWNLOAD: Fay Wrays - Weatherman

It's a big week for Fashawn.

His album "Boy Meets World" drops on Tuesday. His CD release show with Talib Kweli is Saturday at Tower Theatre. The rest of the week, he's on tour with Ghostface Killah. He's even featured on the front page of MySpace.

He's also turning 21 this week.

(Sidenote: Read my feature story about Fash from Sunday's paper, if you haven't yet)

In honor of his milestones -- both career-wise and personally -- I wanted to revisit some of the music he's put out over the last few years.

The result is "21 To Grow On." It's intended to be a "best-of" all his pre-"Boy Meets World" material. It's 21 tracks, pulled from all seven of his mixtapes. If you're looking for either a refresher course or your first introduction, this oughta do it.

DOWNLOAD: Fashawn - "21 to Grow On" (.zip) - WARNING: Language NSFW

The Straylight Run-headed Mile After Mile tour makes a stop tonight at Starline. The band is the solo project from ex-Taking Back Sunday guitarist John Nolan. Lydia, Anarbor and Camera Can't Lie are also on the bill.

Here are some shows to look forward to this week, including CD release parties for Fay Wrays and Fashawn, plus what oughta be a real fun show with Heavy Young Heathens.

Local duo Whisky Row is headed to the national finals of the Colgate Country Showdown, a prestigious talent competition that's helped to jumpstart the careers of many country stars.

Whisky Row -- made up of Kerman's Mike Pereira and Jason Ruffoni -- won the western regional in Oregon over the weekend and now they're headed to Nashville for the finals on Jan. 14.

Five acts will compete for a chance at $100,000, plus the attention of the country recording industry. Acts such as Martina McBride, Sara Evans, LeAnn Rimes, Neal McCoy and John Michael Montgomery have all been in the finals of the Colgate competition.

I did an Artist You Should Know Q & A with Whisky Row last week. Read that to get to know the band.

There are a few online video series I've been posting lately -- and all three of them dropped new videos today. So you get one post featuring all three.

1. I HATE THE OFFSEASON: In the latest video chronicling Parker's off-season hijinx, our furry friend heads over to The Big Fresno Fair.

While I cross my fingers that my alma mater can beat Fresno's favorite football team, and you enjoy the last few days of the Big, Big, Big Fresno Fair ...

1. SUPPORT SPOTMAN
In my column today, I wrote about Spotman, a DJ at 95.7 The Fox and the guy who does the sound over at The Lucky 13. He was beaten pretty brutally two months ago on his way to work. Now, he's slowly trying to get his life back. A bunch of local bands are helping his cause tomorrow at Sierra Vista Mall. Good music for a good cause, if you ask me.

Ponder this: Without the Internets the Balloon Boy story would just be some big silly blown-out-of-proportion news story o' the week.

With the Internets, it spawned such an awesome song that you'll forgive the ridiculousness of a kid named Falcon and a balloon that looks like a Jiffy Pop tin.

Enjoy:

Come one, come all. Post No Bills has something for you to do this weekend, next weekend and beyond.

Below you'll find the biggest collection of Fresno event fliers and posters anywhere on the whole entire Internets. Concerts, clubs, community events -- it's all here. So give your browser a second to load, grab your calendar and start planning.

As always, we welcome contributions from bands, artists, venues, promoters and regular joes. Send links to mosegueda@fresnobee.com.

Well, well, well, Fresno concertgoers, where were ya Thursday night? Rascal Flatts at Save Mart Center or Stone Temple Pilots at The Big Fresno Fair? Either way, we want to hear what you thought of your show.

How did Rascal Flatts compare to their previous stops in Fresno? Do Stone Temple Pilots still have it? Were you happy with the set lists? The crowd? Were both shows pretty packed?

Talk about any of that and whatever else you'd like in the comments.

The Contra Costa Times came to Fresno this week, on a mission to find intelligent life in Fresno. They were doing their own little inquiry into Fresno's most recent accomplishment as the country's unsmartest city (see what I did there?). They talked to me (cue joke about not finding intelligent life) and a few other much more intelligent than me. You can read their story here, and check out a video version below.

Also: I recorded an episode of KFSR's The Pulse this afternoon that also talks about The Daily Beast's list. Travis Sheridan was on with me. It'll air at noon on Saturday on 90.7 FM. Oh, and if you missed my column on this topic, you should definitely give it a read.

PREVIOUSLY: Fresno: The dumbest city in America?

I'm calling tonight the biggest concert night of the year, considering we have potential for 20,000 people to see one of three big shows.

Country superstars Rascal Flatts are at Save Mart Center. Rockers Stone Temple Pilots play the biggest concert of The Big Fresno Fair's run. And classical piano act The 5 Browns will serenade Saroyan Theatre thanks to the Fresno Phil.

Donald Munro and I collaborated to make a case for each being tonight's premiere music destination. Read it here and tell us where you'll be.

Local blogger Genevieve (aka MotherofConfusion on CV Moms and Fresno Famous) has started a new video series called "Something About Fresno." For the debut, she quizzes our pal Famous Whitewater. Check it out.

We await more videos ... and hope she tracks down K-Fed.

Folk songstress Ani DiFranco brings her all-too-personal, fanatic-attracting music to Tower Theatre tonight. It's her first Fresno stop in six years. I chatted with DiFranco recently and we talked about what she's been up to in those six years, how living in New Orleans has changed her and that rabid fan base of hers. Read the interview here.

Details: 7 p.m. tonight at Tower Theatre. $38. (559) 485-9050.

UPDATE: We have our four winners. Congrats to Melissa, Lisa, Deborah Murphy and Mary Vaux, who the Computer of Glorious Win randomly selected for the prize. We have e-mails out of confirm with each winner. The contest is now over. Thanks for playing, everyone.

The Love the Captive folks are calling tonight's Starline show good rainy days music. They're also calling it the greatest six-dollar show of the year. Austin indie/folk band The Wooden Birds headlines, with Picture Atlantic and Greener By Color also on the bill.

If you're closer to Visalia and looking for an rock fix, then check out Seattle band These Arms are Snakes at The Cellar Door.

Fresno's rap hero Fashawn is currently out on the road with Ghostface Killah and his camp is chronicling the experience in a Webisode series. Here's the first one, in which they try to avoid running out of gas in Texas while Fash offers a tour of his "bus." Warning: Language NSFW

Remember: "Boy Meets World" drops Oct. 20 and his CD release concert with Talib Kweli is Oct. 24 at Tower Theatre.

As excited as I was to dress up like a fool and listen to "Too Legit to Quit," I guess I hadn't really considered the showmanship of MC Hammer until he hit the stage at The Big Fresno Fair on Monday night. So can I just say that the man -- regardless of how you want to joke about him -- is one helluva entertainer.

He moved briskly through his catalog of hits, oozing energy and stage presence, with his throng of dancers. If you needed a lesson on showmanship, Hammer was handing 'em out. He even let a bunch of people (me included) on stage for his last two songs.

Below are some more pics and videos of Hammer as well as opener Tone Loc.

Consider this your last call for entries into our Meet Rascal Flatts contest. You have until 3 p.m. to enter. We'll be picking winners after that. You still can't enter more than once, but if you're a Rascal Flatts fan and you still haven't entered, now is the time.

Also, Rascal Flatts fans might get a kick out of this chat we had with the group's stylist John Murphy. In addition to praising JC Penney's American Living line (woot to them, they gave us the prizes), Murphy talks about dressing the RF guys, their "Unstoppable style."

Remember: The band is at Save Mart Center on Thursday night.

In your expert opinion, what should whoever wins our contest to meet Rascal Flatts wear?
Be comfortable. Jeans, a great top. Some long necklaces and some great cowboy boots. Plaids are really popular for guys this fall. American Living has some really affordable options right now for both guys and girls at JC Penney. And who knows you might ending up wearing the same shirt as one of the guys. Which is the only time that would be cool instead of awkward.

If I didn't know better, I'd think Marge Simpson and her band of MMA haters were from our fair city. Consider this clip -- from last night's "The Simpsons" -- an honorary "Did They Just Say Fresno?"

We all know the Too Legit place to be tonight -- MC Hammer at The Big Fresno Fair.

As I said last week, I'll be introducing the show tonight at the Paul Paul Theatre. And now, thanks to a little Beehive begging, I have some fresh Hammer Pants to wear on stage.

Behold:

It's not too late for a Weekend Rewind, is it? I'm running a little behind today. Here's my weekend. Tell everybody about your weekend adventures in the comments.

FRIDAY
Stayed home and finally got caught up on the last few episodes of "Fringe" -- and it's gettin' good. I'm not exactly a sci-fi fan, but this show definitely has me hooked.

SATURDAY
Trekked down to the Visalia to catch the roller derby showdown between NoTown Roller Derby and the V-Town Derby Dames. Fresno smoked 'em -- 146-71. Of that 146, Fresno scored 105 in the second half. Daaaaamn.

UPDATE: Remember this? Well it's finally official. Clarkson will be at Save Mart Center on Dec. 1, with tickets going on sale at 10 a.m. Oct. 17. Tickets cost $45, $55 and $85.

ORIGINAL POST, 7/21: According to a tour itinerary released this morning by her people, Kelly Clarkson will be back in Fresno this fall as part of her "All I Ever Wanted" tour.

She's due at Save Mart Center on Dec. 1, according the tour release, which didn't include details on ticket prices or when tickets would go on sale.

To me, the most interesting concert at The Big Fresno Fair is Saturday night's show with The Game. Not because of him or his music -- he's pretty overrated, me thinks. But because of the all the scheduling drama that's come to the fair's "hip-hop night" and the potential for more drama on Saturday.

You might recall that Drake was originally scheduled for Saturday, which was quite a coup for the fair. Then he hurt himself, and Flo-Rida was booked in his place. Then Flo-Rida had to drop out. That's when The Game was recruited.

An interesting aside: About a week after the fair added Flo-Rida, Tachi Palace had to fill a hole in its annual car show and scheduled Flo-Rida. Upon learning the fair had also booked him, the Tachi folks ended up booking The Game. Ironically, the fair ended up with The Game too. This leads me to believe that this guy is available to do shows just about anytime.

My first reaction to hearing the news of The Game at The Big Fresno Fair was: "Wow. I wonder if Fresno PD is OK with this?" He's not exactly the Fresh Prince. In addition to being the biggest name-dropper in hip-hop, The Game is also rather explicit and talks a lot about gang stuff.

When you're not eating deep-fried fair food ...

1. GET A MONSTER MULLET
Have your heard? The Fresno Monsters -- our new upstart hockey team -- are 7-0. They're also in town this weekend. Tonight, they take a page out of the Grizzlies playbook, with a zany promo. It's mullet night and if you have a mullet (real or fake) you get in for $5.

Come on, come all. Post No Bills has something for you to do this weekend, next weekend and beyond.

Below you'll find the biggest collection of Fresno event fliers and posters anywhere on the whole entire Internets. Concerts, clubs, community events -- it's all here. So give your browser a second to load, grab your calendar and start planning.

As always, we welcome contributions from bands, artists, venues, promoters and regular joes. Send links to mosegueda@fresnobee.com.

The Fresno Grizzlies premiered the new season of their "I Hate the Offseason" webisodes today. In the premiere: Parker goes to San Francisco.

Lots of concert news and tidbits to share, so let's not waste any time.

BRAD'S BACK
Any Brad Paisley fans out there? A new list of tour dates released Wednesday by Paisley includes a Feb. 19 show at Save Mart Center.

Openers for the tour are Miranda Lambert and Justin Moore. No details were announced about ticket prices or ticket sales. Expect more details soon.

It's Thursday at the Park at Sierra Vista Mall -- offering a free concert and a farmer's market. The soulful Super Lucky Catz and cover band Wild Hare are playing tonight. It's the second to last one of the season.

Word of a new sports bar opening in Northwest Fresno has piqued my interest. It's called The Press Box and is supposed to open Oct. 17 with the usual sports bar amenities -- flat screens, sports memorabilia, lots of beer on tap.

The most intriguing part of The Press Box, if you ask me, is a feature that I've never seen at a bar before: A built-in breathalyzer.

According to the press release:

This will also be the only sports bar and restaurant in valley history to feature a public self serve breathalyzer to measure ones blood alcohol content level to aid in the assistance of responsible drinking and driving on those big game days.

Lots of questions: Does it really work? Is it sanitary? At the same time: How many people will go there for the gimmick of it? And it is pretty responsible, right?

So I'm not sure about this one. It's either hella awesome (FTW) or a testimonial about what a bunch of drunkards we are (WTF). Let's hear from you.

Voting Key:
WTF = What the [Fudgesicle], a.k.a. "What are you thinking?"
FTW = For the Win, a.k.a. "That idea is a victory for people everywhere."

UPDATE: Our last batch of winners is: Phil (The Game), Jennifer Cardillo (Michael W. Smith), Monica Medina (Los Lobos) and Gina (Naked Bros. Band). The winners have been e-mailed. Thanks for playing everybody. Have fun at the fair. While this contest is over, our Rascal Flatts contest is still going.

We think it's only fitting that our top pick tonight be the Wednesday Nights Rocks show at The Next Bar. You remember that promoter meltdown from last week? Well, this is the show in question. Aside from all that drama, it oughta be a good show with Buffalo Guns and Synezra, two bands that just played at Re:FUSE Fest, plus No Halo.

UPDATE: Congrats to Michael, who is our winner. There's still time to enter our other fair concert ticket contest before it ends.

ORIGINAL POST: We already gave away the tickets to see Barenaked Ladies tonight in our Big Fresno Fair concert ticket giveaway extravaganza ... but we've been handed another pair. We really just want you there for the fair's opening night.

So here's the deal: This concert is tonight, so whoever wins is going to have to get over here to The Bee to pick up the tickets today before 5 p.m. It oughta be worth the drive, though. They're good seats -- ninth row.

We'll take the FIFTH commenter on this post. We won't publish comments until we have a winner. No multiple entries allowed. Please leave a valid e-mail address, because that's how we'll contact our winner. And remember about our 30-day rule if you've won recently. Full rules after the break.

UPDATE: ... And I've already got a volunteer. Thanks to the multi-talented Mallory Moad, who quickly called me up and offered to help. Feel free to jabber about Hammer Pants and ridiculous patterns in the comments.

ORIGINAL POST: First a bit of news: I'll be introducing MC Hammer at The Big Fresno Fair next Monday night. Yes, hella awesome, but it's also created a bit of an obstacle that maybe someone out there can help with.

If I'm going to introduce Hammer, I can't do it in some regular ol' pants. No, I need some Hammer Pants. Thus far, my search has come up short.

I spent a day when I was on vacation hitting up various thrift stores around town, trying to track down something Hammer-worthy. I went to Yoshi Now, Emerald Thrift and every other place on Van Ness Avenue, plus some in the Tower. But I was shutout.

I've come to this conclusion: I need custom Hammer Pants. Even better, I need yellow and black Beehive Hammer Pants. But there's no way I can make them.

Which is why I need you -- our wonderful readers. If I pay for all the materials, anybody out there want to make me some Beehive Hammer Pants?

Ready for a diverse night? Let's start at Roe where it's Top Model Tuesdays. Tyra Banks has nothing to do with this, but Dominick Young does. We're hoping Tark is a judge.

As promised, here are 14 videos from my Re:FUSE Fest travels. I captured performances from the pre-party on Friday and from the festival itself on Saturday.

So whether you missed Re:FUSE and want a taste, didn't watch these bands or just want to see them again ... here ya go. Remember to leave your festival reviews over here.

MOTEL DRIVE

Mondays are usually quiet, but not tonight. A couple of rock shows aimed at the all-ages crowd will definitely have the volume turned up this evening.

At Chinatown Youth Center, Rhode Island hardcore band Soul Control makes a tour stop with SoCal's Dangers and NorCal's Strike to Survive in tow.

Vampire Weekend, one of the hottest indie rock bands of 2008, will play The Cellar Door in Visalia on Nov. 9.

Tickets go on sale at noon on Friday via TicketWeb and cost $20.

Promoter Aaron Gomes of Sound N Vision -- who deserves another pat on the back for landing this -- expects tickets to sell real fast.

"This'll sell out in less than five minutes," he says. "I've been told that there are some very special surprises lined up."

A note for Vampire Weekend fans: The band debuted a new track, titled "Horchata," today on their site. The band's sophomore album, "Contra," is due in January.

That first part of November is looking nice concert-wise: Little Dragon is coming back on Nov. 5. Jay-Z is Nov. 7. And now this on Nov. 9.

Well, Fresno, I'm not sure what kind of silver lining we're going to put on this one. I'll just give you the bad news straight up.

The Daily Beast measured the intelligence of America's 55 largest cities ... and Fresno finished dead last.

The study looked at factors such as how many college graduates we have, how our educational institutions measure up and how many non-fiction books we read.

You can read all about the process on their site. Of Fresno, they wrote:

Local music dominated my weekend courtesy of the Re:FUSE Fest, but there was so much happening over the weekend that people must have lots to talk about on this Monday morning. So fill us in where you did, what you saw and how it was.

FRIDAY
I was as the Re:FUSE pre-party at Full Circle Brewing Co. But there were lots of entertainment options: Livestrong benefit concerts, Dan Hicks, Pepe Aguilar/Marco Antonio Solis or Lisa Lampinelli? Let's hear about 'em.

SATURDAY
It was all Re:FUSE Fest for me, except for some morning errands that were pretty boring. Non-FUSErs could have hit up the Civil War Revisited, The Pink Show or the Sierra Arts Trails. Anyone?

SUNDAY
For me, it was a day of rest and football. But I hear that the Jamie Foxx concert drew a very modest crowd at Saroyan Theatre -- blame it on the ti-ti-ti-ti-tickets prices. Anybody go to the show?

YOUR TURN
Anything is fair game -- movies you saw, restaurants you went to, whatever.

What a day of local music Saturday at the Re:FUSE Festival. Downtown was bustling with tunes. The streets were busy with people hopping from one venue to the next. And the bands were great -- I can't say I saw anything that I didn't like.

I've got a bunch of videos coming your way tomorrow, but for now I'd like to hear what you liked and didn't like. What bands did you dig the most? What venues? What could have been improved? What suggestions would you make for next year? Leave 'em in the comments. Here are a few from me:

LIKE: Motel Drive! I only caught the last two songs of their set, but I was really diggin' what I saw. I knew I would. I've liked their recorded material, but their live energy was nice. I definitely want to see them again.

LIKE: Club One. Everytime I went to Club One, I thought about how great of a music venue their banquet room could be. All the bands I saw there -- 40 Watt Hype, Motel Drive, The Escorts -- sounded and looked good it. The room fit a good amount of people and had a very comfortable layout. More shows there please?

You should know by now that my top pick for the weekend is the Re:FUSE Fest. I've blogged about it. Wrote my column about it. Wrote another story about it. So just go!

I've also written a lot about all the other big live music events of the weekend, which is a pretty busy one. Try here or here for a refresher. So for 'Five Things' this week, I'm going to give you some different stuff, OK?

1. 'WHIP IT' WITH FRESNO'S DERBY GIRLS
Go check out "Whip It," the new roller derby themed movie -- Rick Bentley gave it an A-, btw -- and you might see the ladies of NoTown Roller Derby skating around. They'll be around Edwards at 7 p.m. tonight trying to spread the word about local roller derby. Their next bout is in Visalia against the Derby Dames on Oct. 10.

Come on, come all. Post No Bills is back and has something for you to do this weekend, next weekend and beyond.

Below you'll find the biggest collection of Fresno event fliers and posters anywhere on the whole entire Internets. Concerts, clubs, community events -- it's all here. So give your browser a second to load, grab your calendar and start planning.

As always, we welcome contributions from bands, artists, venues, promoters and regular joes. Send links to mosegueda@fresnobee.com.

Apparently Fresno has gotten its fill of Las Vegas-styled nightlife, as Kirk Vartanian announced yesterday that The Edge space would be re-opening -- but not as a nightclub, as a high-end French restaurant.

Here are some details from today's story by George Hostetter of The Bee:

Vartanian said the restaurant will be called Le Rêve -- The Dream, in French -- and will be owned and operated by Marty Krikorian, his nephew. "I'm too busy," Vartanian said. "I don't have time to run a nightclub."

Le Rêve should open in 45 to 90 days, depending on when it receives a state liquor license, Vartanian said.

Vartanian emphasized that Le Rêve, while it will have entertainment, is not a nightclub. He said the restaurant will be suitable for children as well as adults -- "Anyone who wants a high-end meal."

We're only a couple days away from the Re:FUSE Festival, which is going to be a great chance to sample Fresno's live music talent, with 40 bands in eight venues.

The entire Re:FUSE schedule has been released. You can see it at the Re:FUSE site or check it out below. Now that times and venues have been put next to the band names, it's time to start making choices.

Personally, I'm trying to see as many bands as I haven't seen before, so I'll probably pick The Escorts over Patrick Contreras. But I'd like to hear from festivalgoers: Who are you looking forward to seeing? What tough choices will you be making?

Once upon a time Wheels of Fortune was Niilo Smeds' one-man band. Now it's practically a local indie rock supergroup. Andrew Bunnell (who you might remember from Pinkeye), James Brittain-Gore (of No Cello) and Dylan Tidyman-Jones (of Hi Castle) are now Wheels members -- and tonight they're releasing an album and playing at Tokyo Garden for the after-ArtHoppers.

We'll let Niilo tell you more. He's also offering up a free (and very good) mp3 for your downloading pleasure.

Thursday is the Wheels of Fortune CD release show at Tokyo, post-arthop. We're playing with Yesterday's Chonies, Michael K and Rademacher. Typical post-arthop show - 9pm, $5, 21 & over. We recorded the album this summer with our friend and ex-Fresnan Rob Jackson. A song from the album, "Give It All Back," is downloadable at http://is.gd/3BJih (direct link) or streaming at http://www.myspace.com/wheelsoffortune

We're also playing the Fuse Fest on Saturday, at the Spiral Garage. Which should be extra awesome.

You know how some people probably shouldn't use Twitter? Would-be jailbird nightclub mogul Kirk Vartanian is one of them. Apparently something is going on with K-Vart and The Edge, but from reading his recent Tweets, we can't figure out what it is:

Kirk has experience with hilarious Tweets. This one above (notice he didn't spell Edge correctly) he's been posting for the last few days. He clarified slightly yesterday: