Yes, things are pretty bad here, what with strippers beating each other for a spot on the pole, but they're not as bad as they are in other parts of the world. Take India, for example.

You may have read yesterday about how the father of adorable Rubina Ali, one of the child actors from "Slumdog Millionaire," allegedly tried to enter into negotiations to sell his 9-year old daughter to what he thought was a sheik (actually an undercover tabloid reporter) offering $300,000. The father has admitted to meeting with the "sheik," but denies that he intended to sell his daughter.

Apparently the girl's mother doesn't believe him. She abandoned Rubina at a young age, but now wants her famous daughter back. Yesterday she politely and civilly explained to Rubina's stepmother how much she cares for the girl:

Hear that, Madonna? Stop sinking millions into Malawi -- there are bargain basement child-buying deals to be had in India. Plus, this one already has an acting résumé, so you're sure to get a return on your investment. Everybody wins! But mostly Satan.