Most interesting/compelling photo of the day?

Indiana "Yeah, I been to Fresno" Jones in new stills from the upcoming flick Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull:

Christian Slater is both surprised and amused because:

A. Paparazzi are still willing to photograph him
B. It's been 18 years (a whole person who can vote) since his breakthrough film, Heathers
C. His hair gel keeps sliding off his forehead like a skier off a well-lubed jump
D. A person who shall remain nameless (cough*me*cough) watched the schmaltzfest Untamed Heart on Encore the other day and bawled like a baby
E. The tiny gnomes hired to pull his hairline back from his smooth, smooth forehead haven't banded together to form a tiny gnome union

Heathers was a great film, though. You should rent it.

[source]

I know I said yesterday that I don't give a crap about Britney Spears, but today's tidal wave of Brit gossip is too good to let go unmentioned.

First thing this morning we were greeted by Britney rumor number one: News that Britney keeps a "fantasy room" in her house, full of all the little toys and gadgets one might expect to find in Boy George's house, not the house of a good little Southern girl. The toys were said to sometimes make their way into the living room, which is, of course, unacceptable for a mother of two (how many times, I wonder, has the word "unacceptable" been uttered about Britney? More than Frappuccino, less than Cheeto, I'm guessing).

We also were treated, in the same account, to the delightful image of Britney's dog poo-stained couches. I find it strange that the dog is being blamed for that mess. Let's be honest about who we're dealing with here.

It's official - gossip is slow and lame right now. Usually coming out of a holiday weekend we have good stories about celeb spawn being born, or people breaking up, or D.U.I. mishaps/rehab announcements. Not so much this Thanksgiving holiday.

Since there is nothing happening that is worthy of a full post, I'm just going to give you a rundown of the top 5 stories I don't give a crap about, and if you feel interested in learning more, you may click on the links and then make your own snarky remark-ies (god, I miss Michael Scott).

5. Hulk Hogan's on again/off again/on again divorce.
Don't. Give. A. Crap. The only thing remotely interesting about this story is the fact that the attorney representing the kid still stuck in the coma after Nick Hogan's accident in August has suggested that the divorce is the Hogan family's way of protecting their assets from potential lawsuits. Are the Hogans that weasely and greedy? After watching the way they pimp out their mannish daughter, Brooke, all bets are off.

I am so disgusted by this, I have to share it with as many people as possible in the hope that it will somehow dilute my horror.

CNN.com ran this story on Thanksgiving Day - it is about a teenager who went to the doctor complaining of stomach pain, vomiting and weight loss. A scan of her stomach showed a large mass of foreign material causing the blockage.

What doctors ultimately removed from her abdomen was a 10-pound mass of the woman's hair. She had apparently suffered from a condition called trichophagia, which is basically hair-eating, for years.

For those of you who can stomach it (joke!), there is a picture of the giant hairball after the jump. Be forewarned, though: it's gross.

I'm having so much fun with the guessing games today that I thought I'd throw another one at you.

One of these women is Jessica Alba and the other is Jessica Alba's doppelganger/stunt double, Taryn Dakha. Which is which?

Guess who thinks it's clever to dress his baby in a "Who's your daddy?" t shirt and then parade her around for the paparazzi?

Today comes word that Angela Kinsey, who plays everyone's favorite Christian tightass, Angela, on "The Office," is preggers.

I ask you: how freakin' awesome would it have been to see how a pregnant Angela got written into the show? Would they have had Kinsey hide behind plants, a la Julia Louis-Dreyfuss on "Seinfeld"? Or would they have broken Andy Bernard's heart and given Angela and Dwight the love child they so would have shunned deserve?

We may never know. And to that I say: Damn the writer's strike!

A leopard never changes its spots apparently.

Christina Aguilera has impressed people with her quiet, not-quite-dignified, but definitely not look-at-me! pregnancy. At the least, she seems blissfully married to her husband, and she talks like she's taking motherhood seriously.

So then, why, oh why, do we today have photos on the 'net of pregnant Christina climbing out of a car with her legs wide open and no underwear to be seen?

I don't know why this stuff continues to shock me. I mean, after all of the celebrity snatch we've seen recently, you'd think it would be no big deal. But Christina is pregnant. She will be a mother in mere months. And there is no one in this world, save her gyno, who needs to see that baby's escape hatch.

Yes, I know where you can find the pics. No, I'm not going to tell you. If you can't figure out how to use Google by now, you don't deserve to be on the Internet in the first place.

Last week we got to see what happens when you take a semi-innocent 13-year old girl with a famous sister, a jailbird father and a whoreous, drunk mom and you tart her up like 38-year old divorcée looking for a free whiskey soda and a good time on a Tuesday night at Jimbo's.

This week, we're getting the opposite. Here is 11-year old Lourdes Leon, daughter of a singer called Madonna, on the red carpet with her stepdad and her brother for the premiere of the movie Fred Claus.

Lourdes is getting some attention for rocking the Frida Kahlo look, but I think she looks great. She's going to be gorgeous someday, and frankly, I'm a little shocked to see that Madonna isn't treating her like a grown-up already - that she's allowing her to remain a natural-looking kid. Sure, she's still wearing clothes that cost more than my rent, but if I had as much money as Madonna, my kids would wear solid gold diapers until they were 5.

Think on this for a moment: of all the showbiz parents out there, Madonna turns out to be the normal, respectable one. Mind = blown.

Remember that interview Tom Cruise did recently where he said, "I get my hair cut on set. I have no iPhone, no mobile, no email address, no watch, no jewellery [sic], no wallet"?

Here's a picture of little Tommy on the set of another movie I'm not going to see and - oh my. What's that in his right hand?

But Tom seems so genuine. He'd never lie, right? It's probably just the device that administers electric shocks to Katie Holmes whenever she starts to get "ideas."

Ever since the following video of Amy Winehouse appeared on the 'net, people have been speculating about just what it is little Miss Wino keeps wrapped up in that beehive of hers. The video shows the former singer on stage rustling around in her hair for a good long while and then passing her hand under her nose. Some sites have suggested she's fishing in there for a bit of the nose candy.

Also last week, Winehouse's hair was searched by guards when she visited her scumbag husband in jail. Clearly something is up with the hair. What I want to know is, what do you think Amy keeps hidden in that 'hive of hers?

a. Drugs
b. A family of field mice
c. Drugs
d. Scoopy
e. A spare can of Aqua Net
f. Girl, you know it's drugs

Check out the video and let me know what you think: Is Amy going in for a quick hit or simply scratching at some lice and then wiping her nose on her sleeve?

Friday night was the official Patrick Contreras birthday party at Crossroads. The Beehive was there...

Yesterday, in a post about Lindsay Lohan, I made a reference to Ali Lohan, Lindsay's 13-year old sister. I was unusually harsh on the child, and it may have looked like I was hitting below the belt. I was. Here's why.

Us magazine has posted a side-by-side comparison of Lindsay at the age of 13 with Ali at the age of 13. Keeping in mind that Ali is Lindsay's sister and Dina's daughter, there is no chance this child isn't going to grow up to be the carbon copy of her role models.

Lindsay is the one on the left, Ali on the right. And remember, she's 13.

I think we all know who. Seriously. Can't she do anything right?

In other Mousketeer news, it's a damn good thing Christina Aguilera is having a baby boy so her makeup secrets won't be passed on to another generation. Then again, any woman who invites drag queens to the baby shower isn't going to give up that easily.

While you were standing in line this morning at Starbucks waiting for your iced coffee (god bless global warming!), Lindsay Lohan did a little jail time for her two D.U.I arrests. A very little time. 84 minutes, to be exact.

Yup, at 84 minutes, Lindsay spent a whole two minutes more in the pokey (with Lindsay, you have to call it the pokey. She's a slut, get it?) than her friend Nicole Richie did in August.

As part of her plea deal, Lindsay also has to complete 10 days of community service. She's been spotted helping out at the American Red Cross, and all I can say about that is dear god, don't let that walking STD near the blood donations.

Way to beat the system, Linds. You're an inspiration to young girls everywhere - particularly your sister Ali, whom I expect we'll see on the cover of US Weekly any day now talking about how she's naturally skinny and would never, ever, not in a million years take drugs.

UPDATE: So remember last week when I said that because of the writers' strike, "The Deposition" was going to be the last new "Office" episode to run for a while? I was right. However, I was wrong about the timing. Last week was the "Survivor Man" episode, and this week "The Deposition" will run.

Hey, I can't be brilliant all the time.

ORIGINAL POST: Now that the writers' strike in Hollywood is well under way, we're soon going to start seeing the full effects in our nightly T.V. programming.

Today comes word that production of "The Office" has come to a stand still after Steve Carrell (actor and friend of the writer) refused to cross the picket line, calling in to work with a severe case of "enlarged balls." No argument there.

No production means no new episodes in the future, so you better enjoy the hell out of tonight's new episode, "The Deposition."

And if you're wondering exactly why the writers of "The Office" felt the need to strike, watch this video featuring various scribes of the show explaining their particular beef. And recognize that this may be the last time you see Kelly Kapoor (Mindy Kaling), Ryan Howard (B.J. Novak) and Toby Flenderson (Paul Lieberstein) appear on screen together for awhile.

By now you know that Matt Damon has been named the 2007 Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine. This year's choice has been met with a kind of "eh" reaction on the ever-so-judgmental gossip sites. Matt Damon is definitely a cutie. But sexy? That's debatable (considering, of course, that you're the kind of person with both the time and inclination to actually debate stuff like this - i.e., me).

The rest of People's list is the typical stuff - Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, Taye Diggs, Dr. McDreamy, Leo DiCaprio. These guys are on the list every year. Flipping through the photos, I was amused, of course (hot men!), but also kind of bored. That is, until I saw the one inspired entry that redeems the entire outdated Sexiest Man Alive concept: Rainn Wilson, also known as Dwight K. Schrute from "The Office."

I know what you're thinking: Dwight is sexy? My answer to you: Well, no. Not really. But Dwight went from being the nerdy, annoying office punchline to being a disheveled, heartbroken shell of a man who makes guttural, wounded-hippo sounds whenever he mourns his lost love. There's hope for him yet.

Of course he's still no Jim Halpert, who was on last year's list. But he's definitely hotter than Ryan.

Here's hoping People steps up their game next year and puts even more brave choices on their list, like Turtle from "Entourage" or Jessica Biel (she's a dude, I promise you). Anyone want to join me in a letter-writing campaign to get Creed Bratton on the list?

UPDATE:
Yeah. Make that 3 rundown feet. I should think it would go without saying, but if you're a photographer and you're chasing Britney Spears, try not to stand near the car as you will, inevitably, lose a foot in the ordeal. Or, stand directly in front of the car next time so I have something new to write about.

ORIGINAL POST:
Okay, that may be a bit dramatic, but definitely not out of the realm of possibility.

A member of the paparazzi was hit by a car and thrown off of his motorcycle while chasing Britney Spears yesterday evening in Beverly Hills. The person who was hit - called a "spotter" in the paparazzi business because he follows celebrities around and tips photographers off to their whereabouts - was seriously injured.

Now here's the thing. Do I like to hear about people getting seriously injured? Depends No, I don't. But the person's job is to follow other people around so photographers can find and harass them. His job is basically "stalker."

Because it's within stumbling distance of our residences, because we've never been to Roe and because we likey the drinks after work, Mike Oz and I will be headed to the Fresno Leading Young Professionals Happy Hour stop tonight at Roe. Details below:

FLYP's Night Out in November Mixer at ROE with Freddie Falcon- Tuesday, November 13th, 5:30- 7:30 PM. November's FLYP mixer will be held at the new local hot spot ROE, located at Palm & Nees in the new Palm Bluffs Shopping Center by the new GB3. With an overall great atmosphere perfect for mingling with friends, ROE is extremely popular among the young professional crowd. Come enjoy a special evening reserved just for FLYP members with Freddie Falcon. Pre-sale tickets to the December 14th FLYP Falcon's Holiday Party will be available for only $10. For more great FLYP events, check out www.flypinfo.com.

Join us, won't you?

Today is officially my one-year anniversary blogging for the Beehive, so I thought it might be fun (for me) to take a look back at some of the highlights from my time spent chronicling the details of the beautiful and the famous. And Kevin Federline, of course.

First post written:
Kevin and Britney may have recorded something worth checking out

Posts that would have been funnier if I'd shown the pictures instead of linking to them:
John Mayer, magician
Everybody poops

Remember in October when all most many in Fresno went Indiana Jones crazy after Steven Spielberg, Harrison Ford and crew showed up in our fair city to film a scene for the upcoming Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull?

Well, The Fresnan did some quick calculating last week and figured out that the day the film crew was here in Fresno was most likely the last day of shooting for the movie.

A new video on IndianaJones.com shows highlights from "wrap days" for all of the Indiana Jones movies, including Crystal Skull. The date of the wrap party is October 11 - the very day the crew was here in Fresno.

Well done, The Fresnan! And worthy of the great archaeologist himself.

Last night my friend Diana took me to the birthday celebration of one of her friends. There was a good group of friendly, intelligent, professional people there (attorneys, reporters, etc.) and then there was me: the chick who writes about Britney Spears and doesn't own a cell phone. It was hard to tell which piece of information was more appalling to the party guests.

It's true. I do not have a cell phone, nor do I want one. I had one for about two years, and then I gave it up and never looked back. I've been living cell phone-free for 5 or 6 years now, and it's fantastic.

What's not fantastic is watching the rest of my fellow humans abuse their cell phones. I'm tired of having to listen to people's ridiculous ringtones at work. I'm tired of listening to people's inane conversations when I'm standing in line at the bank or the bookstore. I'm tired of trying to talk to someone while they furtively send text messages and pretend to listen to me. Cell phones have gone from being conveniences to being crutches.

Earlier this week, Rebecca DeMornay was popped for driving with a .09 blood alcohol level. Today comes word that Mickey Rourke is in a Miami Beach jail after being caught riding a Vespa while under the influence.

Under the influence of being dead sexy, says I. When I said Monday that Shia LeBeaouf had the cutest mug shot, I spoke too soon. A pirate with a perm wearing a shirt from the Mike Brady collection while tooling around town on a scooter? The hotness. The hawtness.

Jessica Simpson, who has been seen in public with the still-recovering Owen Wilson, was quoted yesterday as saying that she needs a Boston man because they're "the closest thing to a Southern man."

Well, Jess, I think I have just found the appropriate Bostonian for you - he's unique, he's religious, and he definitely has a lot of attention to give. Perfect!

His name is Rev. David Ajemian, and he's a priest in the Archdiocese of Boston. So technically he's not allowed to date, but something tells me Rev. Ajemian plays fast and loose with the rules. He's a firecracker, this one!

Okay, so there was that tiny incident recently where he was arrested for stalking and sending threatening letters to Conan O'Brien. But come on - how many times did you drive by Nick's house after he started hooking up with Vanessa Minnillo? It's the same!

Rev. Ajemian may have to go away for a little while (you know, like you do when you have your "procedures" done), but the good news is, he has his own stationery and he's a terrific writer.

I sense a love connection! Now leave Owen Wilson alone, okay? Good girl.

Felicia's post made me think about stars that are now just shells of their former selves - more specifically, Britney Spears. She's never been talented, but at least she used to be clean. In this week's US magazine, Britney's "friends," say she's not a drug-user, she's mentally ill. Only time will tell, I suppose. In the meantime, check out Britney now and then.

Here is Britney now:

And here's what she used to look like:

I wonder how many times that headline will be used today, the day Hulk Hogan's son, Nick Bollea, was arrested for reckless driving stemming from a crash in August that left his friend, John Graziano, paralyzed.

US magazine is reporting that the 17-year old Bollea also was charged with "A person under the age of 21 operating a vehicle with a breath-alcohol level of .02 or higher."

The Bollea family (surprise! - "Hulk Hogan" is not his real name) released a statement today that takes special care to mention - more than once - that Graziano wasn't wearing his seatbelt and that you should wear your seatbelt always and it is now their special priority to make sure people wear their seatbelts.

I agree. One should always wear a seatbelt, especially when their 17-year old friend is RECKLESSLY DRIVING AFTER DRINKING AND SPEEDING DOWN THE ROAD IN HIS SUPED-UP SPORTS CAR.

See what I did there? I took the focus off the paralyzed guy and put it back on the one who was arrested for allegedly causing the accident. Kind of like how Brooke Hogan wears assless chaps to take the focus off her Adam's apple.

Read the Bolleas' statement after the jump.

Earlier I posted an entry about Jerry "Vern" O'Connell and John "Uncle Jesse" Stamos (and I threw some Mr. Belvedere at you, as well). Now I'm talking about Rebecca DeMornay, the object of Tom Cruise's affection in Risky Business. Well, Tom Cruise's character's affection, anyway.

DeMornay was arrested for D.U.I. in Beverly Hills after she was pulled over by police and blew a .09 into the Breathalyzer. According to the cops, she was very cooperative.

I know it sounds very flip, but D.U.I. certainly has become a trend in Hollywood, hasn't it? I wonder what's really going there - is drunk driving happening more often or is it that cops are less inclined to let celebrities off? I have to believe it's the latter - I'm sure John Wayne was probably tooling around town blitzed out of his mood in his day, too. Maybe Paris Hilton truly is a pioneer - her arrests have paved the way for many more celebrity busts.

Oh, and this has nothing to do with the 80s, but it does have to do with celebrities getting busted: Pete Doherty, famous in Britain for being a singer junkie, did an interview this week with NME.com during which he admitted that, having just finished rehab, he still "misses" doing drugs. Awesomely (maybe not for Pete), England's The Sun today has posted a video of Pete shooting up after an awards show last Friday.

The best part is Doherty's spokesperson's reaction after watching the video: "He's been a very foolish boy." You think?

Remember Jerry O'Connell? He played Vern in Stand By Me, and the football player who wasn't Cuba Gooding Jr. in Jerry Maguire.

Anyway, he's married to Rebecca Romijn Stamos O'Connell now, and he was recently quoted as saying:

"When you're married to Rebecca [Romijn], you should try to have as many children as possible. And I want to do that before she figures out that she could do a lot better than me."

See, Jerry, it's so funny you say that because that's exactly what happened to Rebecca's previous husband, John Stamos (a.k.a. Uncle Jesse on "Full House"). If you read People you'd know that John also pushed for kids with his beautiful wife and she dumped him, only to take up with you.

Sorry, Jerry. Me thinks the clock's a-tickin' on yours and Rebecca's time together. It's only a matter of time until she dumps you and takes up with the guy who played Wesley on "Mr. Belvedere."

What real racist annoying T.V. blond was spotted pouring shots into her big mouth Saturday at Pangea? Rumor has it she was hanging out and taking pictures with a former cast member of her past-its-prime show.

Shia LeBeouf may have had the lamest celebrity arrest in recent memory this weekend when he was busted for refusing to leave a Walgreen's, but he sure has the cutest mugshot. He looks like he just had a wild night drinking Schnapps in his friend Skip's rec room while Skip's mom and dad spend the weekend in the Poconos.

Many good things have come out of England - the Beatles, James Bond and the word "bollocks" are but a few. But lately it seems like the once prolific British pop culture well has run dry.

Two videos are burning up the Internet and both are from British music acts. The first is from the formerly awesome, now merely sad and on death's door, Amy Winehouse, who put yet another nail in her career coffin by slurring and mumbling her way through a live performance of her song "Back to Black". Amy was at the MTV Europe Music Awards, and apparently when she won the Artists’ Choice Award, she barely managed a "thanks" and was booed by the audience.

The other video features the Spice Girls and their new song "Headlines." Look, the Spice Girls have always sucked, but at least they used to put a lot of effort into the suck. Now that they're the Spice Moms, they've taken to standing around and posing in very low light. It's not sexy, and it's not even half as entertaining as watching Scary Spice talk about how Eddie Murphy knocked her up and then took off.

I know that my fellow Beehiver Mike Oz (remember him?) has mentioned this before, but I think it bears repeating: you should be watching the television show "Dexter."

"Dexter" is a dark, bloody drama that appears on Showtime Sundays at 9, and it is fantastic. It's the story of a Miami P.D. blood spatter expert who just happens to be a serial killer. The twist? He only kills evil people, like some kind of messed up superhero (I know, I know - they're all messed up). IMDb describes the show thusly:

"During the day, Dexter Morgan is a jovial employee in the Miami Metropolitan Police Department's crime lab, but his meticulously crafted life masks his true nature. In reality Dexter is a disciplined and murderous psychopath (a self-admitted "monster"), and he slakes his blood lust at night by carefully killing the serial killers he tracks down during the day."

Quite a few interesting things happened in the celebrity world this weekend, and they're all so absurd and random, I had to share.

First of all, Shia LaBeouf was arrested. You're probably thinking D.U.I., right? (Those of you who aren't thinking "Who?" that is.)

Shia's arrest wasn't for D.U.I., though - it was for trespassing in a Walgreen's. Apparently Mr. The Beef got drunk, then headed into his friendly neighborhood Walgreen's and got unruly. When asked by security to leave, he refused, and voilá - the lamest, most embarrassing celebrity arrest in recent memory. I mean, trespassing? Come on, man. Britney Spears has run over two people in the last month alone. If you want to be the Next Big Action Star, you better get your bars up.

Seriously. Even the court system won't allow Britney to be near her own children without supervision.

So why - dear god why - would any parent allow their child near this crazy person? She is not a role model. Hell, it looks like she doesn't even shower anymore.

You know what happens when you allow Britney Spears near your child? Butt-grabbing, that's what. I'm giving Britney the benefit of the doubt and assuming it's unintentional butt-grabbing, but it is butt-grabbing nevertheless. Inappropriate. INAPPROPRIATE.

This is how children get scarred for life and then become contestants on "Flavor of Love." I'm just saying.

I've been working some lame hours at my place of employment lately, and apparently I've missed out on some gorgeous Fresno weather. Today is no exception - from my window I can see that it is sunny and cloudless and very nice. I say "from my window" because, yet again, I'm getting ready to spend another Saturday at work in my sad, gray cubicle (cue violin music).

So I implore you - please go out today and enjoy this gorgeousness for me while it's still around. Remember what happened Monday?

Apparently there was a fantastic (or "hella gangsta", as my friend Mike Oz called it) storm that happened earlier this week. I heard the thunder from my sad, gray cubicle, but, having no windows nearby, I did not actually witness this amazing storm.

Luckily for me, The Fresnan (language NSFW) captured the spectacle on film. I'm not sure what the odd ping-pong game sound in the background is, but I like it. And it's nice to know that there is someone else in town who has come to terms with his weather fetish (I watch The Weather Channel like other people watch ESPN.)

So I entreat you to make hay (or raisins or what have you) while the sun shines and enjoy the day. And don't you worry about poor Vitamin D-deprived me. As long as people keep capturing real life on YouTube for me to watch, I'll be okay (and violins lead us out...)

A few years ago I got into a debate about whether men in scarves is hot or not.

It wasn't much of a debate - it pretty much began and ended with me saying "Guys in scarves are hot" and my friend saying "I think you're wrong" - but I like to think I won a major argument.

Now I have evidence that I was right all along: here's My Boyfriend Jim Halpert™ wearing too many layers, but still rocking the scarf in a new Gap ad:

Scarves are hot. Case closed.

Poor Nick Lachey. You'll always be ten steps behind Justin Timberlake, won't you?

That probably comes as a shock to... exactly no one at all.

Due to their ongoing custody battle, the financial details of Britney Spears' and Kevin Federline's lives have finally been leaked, and they're as appalling as you thought.

Last year, K Fed made more than half a million dollars. However, after "business expenses" (**cough**weed**cough**), he ended up grossing only $7436 - probably less than he made working at Red Carpet Car Wash when he worked in the 'No.

On the other bloated, sticky hand, Britney Spears made around $737,000 a month. A MONTH. Those of you who are good with math know that that's how many calories she consumes in Frapuccinos a month, as well. Hey-o!

So here is the breakdown of Britney and Kev's monthly expenses, and please be sure to note that Britney spends three times more on eating than Kevin does every month. I'll be over here in the corner crying and wishing my mom had sold me to Disney at the age of 10, too.