Which we all knew, but now it's for real since she confirmed it to Diane Sawyer.

I don't know. It's sort of my job to say something snarky and biting about celebrities and the state of the world and all that, but this speaks for itself.

Also, I'm running late for Movie Night, which my friends and I try to do every Tuesday. It's my night to host and I have chosen to show Rushmore. I love that movie.

Anyway, off-topic, whatevs. To sum up: Nicole Richie egg + Joel Madden sperm = hell fire, damnation, apocalypse, etc., etc.

Flats, girls. They're fashionable and functional.

Oh, the humanity.

Remember how Starbucks announced a price hike of 9¢ for its milk coffee drinks? The hike took effect today, and I'm no math whiz, but me thinks the 9¢ was just a rough estimate. A very rough estimate.

The tall, nonfat caramel macchiato I ordered yesterday for 2.95 cost me 3.10 today. That's like - well, more than 9¢ or something.

You know what the really sick part is? The line at the Starbucks I go to was longer today than I've ever seen it. I have a feeling that now that it costs more, some of the people in my neighborhood think it's worth more, and therefore worth waiting in line for, like one of those "I'm not a plastic bag" bags Whole Foods sold to fools willing to shell out $15 and wait hours in line for even though the regular green bag costs just 1.99.

My hat's off to you, Starbucks, you evil yet delicious and addictive genius, for overpricing something people could make quickly and cheaply in their own kitchens. God bless America.

Starbucks is raising the prices of its coffee drinks by 9¢ tomorrow, so you better rush out and get your frappuccino at the Moderately Ridiculous price while you still can. Come tomorrow we'll all be in line paying Damn Shame prices.

Crack!

Clearly she spends no time on gossip sites looking at pictures of herself.

Photos of Britney that someone took during a disaster-like attempt at making a music video have been released, and... well, if you've already had breakfast, I suggest waiting an hour before attempting to view the slightly NSFW pictures.

According to Britain's News of the World, Britney was uncooperative during the video shoot, leaving everyone hanging while she chain-smoked and went for hour-long massages. She was embarrassed to do her choreographed pole dance routine (yikes) in front of the extras and threw a fit. At times, she stared off into space clutching her children new puppy, her fishnet tights (double yikes) ripped. Eventually she ran off, sobbing hysterically, but then returned, her makeup so ruined the shoot had to be cut short.

I just - I mean, there are no words, really. Trying to pull off fishnet and stripper pole is crazier than that umbrella attack on the paparazzi. Britney claims it's not drugs or post-partum depression but ADD making her act like a fool, but I doubt that. I know lots of people with ADD, and, barring truly special occasions, they usually keep the crazy to a minimum and their fishnets in the drawer.

Britney: It's over. Go fulfill your destiny by opening that chain of higher-end Florida trailer parks.

Or maybe it's the power of Internet bloggers. Chicken, egg....

Recently, Kirsten Dunst was photographed out and about looking like this:

As you can imagine, she was torn to shreds on celebrity gossip sites (except this one. Too classy or too slow? You be the judge.)

So now Kirsten Dunst appears in public looking like this, with higher-end clothes and makeup:

Lesson learned? Only time will tell. My guess? Probably not.

Nicole Richie has been sentenced to 96 hours in jail for her second D.U.I. offense in 4 years. She will also be on probation for three years, and was fined $2,048.

Eh. It's less interesting since, like inside most of Hollywood's pants, Paris Hilton has already been there.

Diane Sawyer has a two-part interview with Richie set to air August 2 & 3 on "Good Morning America." Wait - two-part interview? What could Nicole Richie possibly have to say that's worth a two-part interview?

Day One
Diane Sawyer: So... are you pregnant?
Nicole Richie: (giggle) I don't know. I can't answer that!
Diane Sawyer: Sigh.

Day Two
Diane Sawyer: No, seriously. Are you pregnant?
Nicole Richie: Diane! I'm not here to talk about that!
Diane Sawyer: Why are you here?
Nicole Richie: Ummm... watch "The Simple Life"?
Diane Sawyer: Somebody get me a f***ing producer. And a latte!

I never thought much before about Paul Rudd. Sure, I thought he was cute in Clueless a decade ago, and I found him charming as Phoebe's husband, Crapbag Mike, on "Friends." But it wasn't until two days ago that I saw Paul for the dreamboat he seems to be, and gave him his very own Beehive post.

Now today, as if delivered from the gods above, I see that an old commercial from the days of yore has surfaced on the Intenet showing my new boyfriend playing Super Nintendo. I like Paul Rudd. I like Nintendo.

Sorry, Jim Halpert. The position has been filled.

(Video after the jump.)

I won't print any here, and I won't publish your comments that allude to what happens in the final Harry Potter book, but if you're looking for more details, details Rowling left out of the book, they can be found here.

Oh, and if you've always wanted to make a slightly inappropriate Harry Potter-inspired t-shirt (think "Your wand's too measley for Ginny Weasley"), but could never come up with anything that clever, your day has finally come.

My thanks to Jennifer for both links.

Here is a video from YouTube purporting to be of inmates at the Philippines' Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center reenacting the video for Michael Jackson's "Thriller." Can we be sure it's really a group of inmates? No. But believe me - doesn't matter.

Enjoy. And my thanks to Connor for the link.

I have to say, I did not fully enjoy the final Harry Potter book.

Don't get me wrong, the book itself was fine (no spoilers here, relax), but the act of reading the book was not as enjoyable as I'd hoped due to an overwhelming dread that somehow, in some way, the book would be ruined for me by some unscrupulous bastard looking to be a jerk.

As some of you may know, I was in Las Vegas over the weekend. I spent most of last week carefully avoiding the Internet (very difficult for a blogger, BTW), and then Saturday morning, I purchased the book in a Las Vegas Barnes & Noble. From there I accompanied my friends to a local hotel/casino for a day of reading and relaxation out by the pool. Soon after heading outside, I discovered that the desert is hot. Hella hot.

Harry and I were driven back inside the casino, where I saddled up to the bar, ordered a Bloody Mary and got to reading. Only a few pages in, an older gentleman in a toupee that didn't even pretend to match his original hair color approached me and asked if I was reading the new Harry Potter book.

It has been announced that Joni Mitchell's next CD, "Shine," will be produced by the Starbucks label, the same label that put out Paul McCartney's last album.

Deal with that, you filthy hippies.

...after they've had too many glasses of champale at your cousin Mary's wedding.

Looking at the people in the background, I can't decide if I'm more impressed with the ones who are steadfastly trying to ignore the couple, knowing that any sign of derision will have the Scientology gargoyles swooping down to carry them away into oblivion, or the guy who just can't look away, and who is composing in his head a text message to everyone he has ever met in his whole life, gargoyles be damned.

Here's the thing, and there is really no getting around it: Wes Anderson is wonderful.

As a writer and director, I mean. I have never met the man, but I have spent enough time with his films to know that I want more Wes Anderson in the world.

Luckily, I will soon be getting my wish. The trailer for his next film, The Darjeeling Limited, has been released, and I couldn't be happier. If nothing else, I will see this movie simply for the pleasure of seeing Jason Schwartzman with a mustache.

The movie doesn't come out until January, but in the meantime, I will bide my time with Bottle Rocket, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and the ridiculously awesome Rushmore. I recommend them all to anyone who hasn't seen them. No, really. Put Rushmore in your Netflix queue right this minute.

Watch the trailer for The Darjeeling Limited here. And, just because, watch Wes Anderson's American Express commercial after the jump.

Like, really cute. Did anybody else know this about him?

Wait. Is it April Fool's Day? Am I reading this right?

According to TMZ, Lindsay Lohan, who just finished a 45-day stint in rehab about 12 minutes ago, was busted for D.U.I. again this morning. Remember 4 days ago when she was charged with D.U.I. from a crash that happened Memorial Day weekend? Apparently Lindsay doesn't. I knew that alcohol monitoring bracelet was just a watch wrapped around her ankle.

Lohan was arrested this morning in Santa Monica for possession of cocaine, driving under the influence, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility and driving on a suspended license. Her blood alcohol level was .13, and TMZ reports that cocaine was found in her pocket. She has been released on $25,000 bail, so expect the D.U.I. after party pictures to be posted soon on TMZ.

So I just walked in the door from a long weekend in Las Vegas, and the very first thing I am doing is posting on the Beehive. Dedicated.

I had a great time in Las Vegas with some of my friends from high school. It's been a good three years or so since we've seen each other (weird, since we were in high school only two years ago. *cough*), and we had a great time catching up and seeing the Vegas sights.

I thought I'd share with you some of the pictures from the trip. It was a pretty action-packed and crazy weekend, so I didn't take a whole lot, but I think you can get a pretty clear understanding of exactly what went down this weekend. (Click on the photos to enlarge. Photo credit goes to Britten Johnson, Cori Schmidt, Kristal York and Sheila McCall.)

And here we see Britney Spears mourning the death of her dignity.

Or, making a music video for a new song she apparently is putting on an upcoming album that may or may not be coming out sometime this year. Same thing, really. (link slightly NSFW)

Last week there were rumors circulating that Spears got into a "slapfight" with her mother, Lynne. She was photographed stripping down to her overworked undergarments, running into the ocean and running back out again for no apparent reason. Also, she is now working as her own manager and publicist, and her first act as director of her career downward spiral was to get a job appearing at the opening of a club in the Luxor Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, which pretty much sounds like a gig she stole from her ex-husband.

So, yeah. Wearing this design from the Jackie Kennedy stripper collection actually would be the classiest thing Britney has done lately.

Okay, here we go. I had so much fun trying to figure out that blind item the other day, I think I'll try composing one myself:

Which alcohol monitor bracelet-wearing red-haired star of Mean Girls whose first name has 2 syllables, begins with an L and rhymes with Skinsay Blohan was formally booked on charges of misdemeanor drunk driving yesterday in Beverly Hills?

I'll give you a hint:

People.com reports that Lindsay Lohan arrived at the Beverly Hills police station with her lawyer yesterday afternoon, was charged, and then was released on $30,000 bail.

Dear Amy Winehouse,

I know British food is disgusting and not easily eaten, but please do your best to try to find nourishment and stay alive until I come see your show at the Warfield in September.

Thanks,
Heather M.

I love blind items. The only thing that makes them blind is the omission of the celebrity's name. It's like trying to put together a puzzle with just one piece missing.

Check out this gem Page Six is running today, and see if you can't crack this nut. My totally random guess will be after the jump.

"WHICH hard-partying starlet has figured out a way to get high while wearing an alcohol-monitoring anklet? She was asking where she could score some Ecstasy at a Vegas club the other night..."

Bridget Moynahan, who is pregnant with Tom Brady's child, is due to give birth this Friday, July 20.

If you'll recall, Moynahan and Brady split in December and Brady was immediately spotted canoodling (whatever that means) with Gisele Bundchen, who is still his current girlfriend.

Why is this noteworthy? July 20 is Bundchen's birthday.

I cannot think of better revenge than having your baby daddy's child on his supermodel girlfriend's birthday. What do you do, Tom Brady - celebrate with your girl, or welcome your child with another woman into the world?

D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S.

Today is Disneyland's 52nd birthday.

To honor my very favorite place, I present this random video I found on YouTube of the one ride at Disneyland (other than the Haunted Mansion. And Pirates of the Caribbean. And Dumbo.) that scared the poop out of me as a teenager small child.

R.I.P. Skyway.

Sorry, that should read doesn't take responsibility for her actions.

Winona Ryder, who graces the cover of August's Vogue, is speaking out about her arrest in December 2001 for grand theft. If you'll recall, Ryder was busted for trying to shoplift $5500 worth of goods from Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills.

According to People.com, Ryder claims that "I didn't have this tremendous sense of guilt, because I hadn't hurt anyone. Had I physically harmed someone or caused harm to a human being, I think it would have been an entirely different experience."

She also claims that a broken arm, a "quack" doctor and a prescription to Oxycodone were to blame for her actions.

Ryder has not done a lot of acting since her trial. She's kept a low profile, and it seems to be working for her, I guess. I just think she should have gone the Hugh Grant route. Doesn't anyone remember Grant's course of action after he was caught with a hooker on Sunset Blvd.? He immediately went on Leno and admitted to the whole thing, basically saying to the world that he fouled up. Look how successful he became after that.

So it turns out Jim Morrison did not die of a heart attack.

Or so says Sam Bernett, who, in 1971, owned a club in Paris called the Rock 'n Roll Circus; the club, according to Bernett, in which Morrison died of a drug overdose at 27 years of age. At the time of death, French police and Morrison's live-in girlfriend, Pamela Courson, claimed Morrison was found dead in his bathtub of natural causes.

It's an interesting story. Is it true? Bernett was 21 at the time. It's not hard to imagine a 21-year old club owner freaking out upon finding a famous American rock and roll star dead in his club's bathroom and doing whatever it took to make the whole mess go away.

Bernett spills the beans in a new book called The End -- Jim Morrison, and he is not the only one telling the drug overdose story. A then-19 year old photographer named Patrick Chauvel, who had just returned from photographing the Vietnam War, claims that he was at the club that night, and was asked to help carry Morrison's body from the club to his home.

People.com has posted a quiz for those who think they know what it takes to live in Harry Potter's world.

I love Harry Potter. I love the books, I love the movies. I am ridiculously excited, but also sad, for the final book to come out this weekend. Go ahead and call me a nerd, but just know that I can think of 20 more hurtful 4-letter names to call you.

It is with great shame that I admit I only got 4 out of 6 correct on People's Harry Potter quiz. I always fancied myself in the same vein as Hermione Granger, but now I see that I am really just a Neville Longbottom or a Ron Weasley.

Regardless, I will miss these characters. The books may have been written for children, but they sure entertained me for a good long time. It will be tough to find a replacement to fill their void.

What has happened to VH1?

In keeping with its whole "Celebreality" thing, the cable network that brought us "Celebrity Fit Club" and "Hogan Knows Best" is now trotting out its summer lineup of reality shows starring washed-up male celebrities looking to get laid.

I'm speaking, of course, about Bret Michael's show "Rock of Love" (in which he dates blond, slutty groupies in the search for true love), and Scott Baio's "Scott Baio is 45 and Single" (in which the former Chachi um... does something humiliating, I still don't know what). Both shows premiere tonight.

What's going on here? Can Bret Michaels and Scott Baio not get some on their own anymore? When did VH1 get into the pimping business? The minute the channel opened the door to "Flavor of Love", there was no going back, I guess.

I'm not really complaining about the program schedule, because honestly I can't remember what VH1 did before lining up women with fake boobs and no self-esteem for horny old nobodies to humiliate. I guess I'm just mad that there isn't anything better to watch. I suppose I'll just have to bide my time with this crap until the really good shows come on, like A&E's "The Two Coreys". I mean, "The Office."

Look out, world. Lindsay Lohan is back, and she's stone cold sober.

Lohan was released Friday the 13th from her 45-day stint in rehab, and she wants the world to think know she's serious about sobriety this time. So serious that, when you see her clubbing every night, like she did last night at Pure nightclub in Las Vegas, you don't think for a moment that she has taken another spill into the Grey Goose pond.

According to Linday's rep,

"She has transitioned to an intensive outpatient program, which includes attendance at daily AA meetings, outpatient therapy and daily testing. On her own, she has also made the decision in support of her sobriety to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet. In part she is wearing the bracelet so there are no questions about her sobriety if she chooses to go dancing or dining in a place where alcohol is served."

I'm not trying to downplay Lindsay's struggle or anything, but isn't this bracelet reminiscent of her last dance with rehab? You know - when she showcased her sobriety by publicly carrying around "water" bottles full of vodka? I'm just saying - that alcohol monitoring bracelet might just be a Gucci watch or something.

Good luck, Linds. For your sake, I hope you're able to to pull it together long enough to do Mean Girls II because that crap was high-larious. Or, alternatively, long enough to do Herbie: Fully Loaded II because that was funny for completely different reasons.

First he stared down the barrel of a turkey sub with the intensity of a thousand suns. Now Jack Nicholson is back, and he's taking on the rest of the avian community.

There's a reason this man is a legend.

Vern from Stand By Me looks a lot better than he did 20 years ago, I'll give you that. But would you throw over Uncle Jesse for him?

Sure, Uncle Jesse (from "Full House", try to keep up) had that image-crippling mullet. But then he got a haircut, ditched those freakish Olsen twins, bought the Disneyland sign and everything was all good.

After Vern suffered indignity at the hands of Corey Feldman, he lost the baby fat, starred in "My Secret Identity" and got kinda hot - until he did that kangaroo movie.

I'm just saying, if I had to choose, Uncle Jesse wins every time. But mostly because I love Disneyland, and I really, really want that sign.

Why am I spewing this nonsense about irrelevant 80s actors? Because Rebecca Romijn Stamos, who used to be married to John Stamos, married Jerry O'Connell today, and this was the most interesting way I could think to present this nonevent. You try to do better. No, seriously - I sort of suck at this. Do better and post it in the comments section. I could use the break.

iHate cell phones.

So this is for anyone stupid enough to spend 6 hours in line, $600 and $60 a month just so they can walk around the supermarket bellowing, "Where are you?....Oh.... I'm at the grocery store....nothing....yeah....okay... well, I'm at the checkout so I'll let you go... 'kay, bye."

(Thanks to Tanya for the link.)

I have no idea what's going on in this photo.

All I know is, this picture of Prince Charles expressing extreme delight upon encountering a female cadet is everywhere right now, and it's the biggest display of personality I've seen from the man. Good on you, Grabby Hands.

When I am wrong, I am so wrong.

In the past couple of months or so, the Beehive has been bombarded (well, "bombarded" by Beehive standards, which loosely translates to "at least a dozen") with a slew of semi-intelligible comments left by overeager Orlando Bloom fans proclaiming their undying devotion to the delicate actor.

I made fun of these comments in a post dedicated to the most illiterate of these fans, and swore to them that no matter how many times they praised his sexiness, Orlando was never, ever, ever going to read their misguided and misspelled odes to his safe, effeminate features.

This is just hilarious. TMZ has finally injected some creativity into its steady stream of straightforward celebrity bashing.

I'm all for taking down celebs, as long as it's funny - something TMZ rarely manages to be. But now they've finally posted something worth looking at (courtesy of PlanetHiltron.com).

It's a Photoshop imagining of today's celebrities, if they were normal folk and not privy to the finer things in life. And they're funny because they're true.

(Thanks to Brian for the link.)

It is with great sadness that I say these terrible things about Lionel Richie, because - in all honesty - I have thoroughly enjoyed his music in my time. "All Night Long"? Awesome. "Dancing on the Ceiling"? Groove-tastic. "Hello"? Hells yes.

Here's the thing about Lionel Richie, though. He raised Nicole Richie to be a hateful, spoiled jerk, and then allowed her to go out in public among decent, normal folk. And now, it would appear, Lionel is defending Nicole's decision to get high and drive as typical rebellious teenager behavior. Only Nicole is 25. And most likely pregnant with her first child.

Regarding Nicole's arrest in December for driving under the influence of Vicodin and marijuana, - her second DUI arrest, mind you - Lionel says this: "She keeps apologizing to me... I told her, 'You're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing to your father at this age.'"

Yes, I will see your movie Wednesday.

No, I will not forgive nor forget these pictures. Fire your publicist immediately and stop going through Elijah Wood's closet.

HMac: Guess what's on tonight?
Mike Oz: "Scrubs?" It's on every night.
HMac: Yes. But more importantly, the "World Series of Pop Culture" is on VH1 at 9 p.m. Remember that game show we tried out for in January? The one where we had our asses handed to us before even getting through the door?
Mike Oz: Wait, I thought we did so awesome on our try-out that they didn't let us on the show because we were so smart and we would have so kicked everybody's butt. ( *cough* Remember, Heather, we never told them what really happened *cough*)
HMac: Oh, right. Well, we got our asses handed to us. We can talk about it now, can't we? The gag order is over, right?
Mike Oz: I suppose. Thanks for embarrassing us in front of all of our millions and millions of Beehive readers.

Jack Nicholson is, even at 70 years of age, still the man.

Still... it's kind of a bummer to see the former ladies' man reduced to staring down a hoagie with the same intense heat in which he used to stare down fame-hungry young starlets.

As good as it gets, indeed.

If there is one thing I know about motherhood, it's that having children means always having someone to fetch stuff for you - like a maid, only one you can use corporal punishment on. Too tired from working all day to grab that Mountain Dew out of the fridge when you get home? Junior can get it, and deliver it with the smile only a child traumatized for life completely enamored with his mother can offer. The only downside, of course, is waiting for the little punk to learn to walk.

Fortunately, Britney Spears has found a clever way to pass the time until Sean Preston is tall enough to reach the door to the pantry where mama keeps her Chili Cheese Fritos and beef jerky. By teaching the kids how to dexterously liberate a Marlboro Light from its pack, stick it in her mouth and light it up, she now has her hands free to cart both children all over town; or, more likely, one child, a can of Red Bull and moonshine, a nasty letter for one of her relatives and the hotline to X17's photographers, so they can "just happen" to show up when a piece of her clothing falls off.

Britney Spears has been style-challenged for some time now, but it would appear that she has finally reached the fug point of no return.

It looks like someone strapped Grandma's pillowcase onto an overgrown potato and topped it off with a wig from the Cher collection.

I try not to be so ruthless about people's appearances (try, I said try), but I think it's fair to say that Britney deserves what she gets at this point. If you don't agree, read Rick Bentley's account of Britney's attempt to sabotage a movie press junket. And if that doesn't do it for you, check out this video on TMZ of Britney acting like a spoiled brat as she presents her mother with a letter telling her to stay away from her kids.

I used to feel sorry for the girl, but now I just feel sorry for anyone who has to keep looking at photos of this thing. I'd put a ban on her like I did with that other ugly, useless, ubiquitous nitwit, but if I keep doing bans, I'll be left with nothing but lame, boring things to talk about, like Eva Longoria's wedding. Rock. Me. Hard place. I knew I should have gone to law school.

Congratulations and Happy Birthday to little Lindsay Lohan, who turns 21 years old today. The congrats is for managing to stay alive long enough to become legal. (Pete, I owe you $75).

Lindsay is still in rehab, having chosen to do the extended program, which I'm certain has nothing to do with the toxicology reports that were released last week showing that Lohan had twice the legal limit of alcohol in her system, as well as traces of cocaine, when she crashed her car into a bush Memorial Day weekend.

Rehab or jail? Tough call. Unless you're doing rehab in what basically amounts to a spa, and they let you out to go to the gym, to get your hair done, and to buy yourself birthday gifts, like a brand new iPhone, that you most likely didn't have to wait in line for, or even pay for, because you promised to wave it around in front of paparazzi, insuring that it and you would be photographed together and seen on every web site in existence.

Again, Happy Birthday, Lindsay. I'm sure you deserve it all.