Mollygood has a fun little piece about the real reason my boyfriend Hugh Grant and his girlfriend of 3 years, professional rich girl Jemima Khan, broke up.

According to a mysterious and anonymous source (is there any other kind for gossip?):

"In the final analysis they came from different worlds. To put it bluntly, Hugh was just too middle-class for the Goldsmiths, so he was always living on borrowed time. In fact, he did rather well to last as long as he did."

Hugh's greatest trespass?

"[Jemima's mother Lady Annabel Goldsmith] still jokes about the time when they spent one of their first evenings together back in 2004. Jemima was ready to introduce her mother to the new man in her life over a meal when Hugh breezed in with two plastic bags of curry from the local Indian restaurant, plonked them on the table and said: 'Tuck in, girls!'"

Ghastly. Seriously, Hugh Grant - call me. You + me + Taco Bell + a copy of "Armageddon" = an unforgettable life. Once you go loudmouth, redheaded American bitch, you never go back.

So I'm told.

Okay, this is getting out of hand.

First Mary-Kate Olsen was given ample inches in the New York Times to sing the praises of her favorite Chanel purse. Now, the Washington Post has followed suit by allowing Angelina Jolie space to wax poetic about her superficial interests as well.

The similarities between the two pieces are uncanny, and frankly, disgusting. Check it:

If you've ever thought to yourself that Dwight Schrute from "The Office" deserves - nay, demands - his own theme song then by god today is your lucky day.

Perpetual monchichi look-a-likes Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were photographed this week in Paris wearing fur coats. By 'look-a-likes' I mean that they look like monchichis, not like each other, because of course they look alike - they're twins.

Anyway, I'm no big supporter of PETA or anything, but I think wearing fur is a little gratuitous and inappropriate. The Olsens should be educated.

Of course I'm not suggesting you go out and club and wear an Olsen twin because that would be hilarious. Wrong! I meant to say wrong. Totally appropriate. Inappropriate! That would be inappropriate.

Sorry. I'm a little flustered after reading a piece Mary-Kate wrote for the New York Times about her favorite purse. A sample: "I have a large, red quilted Chanel bag that I borrowed from my sister Ashley. I wore it to an event and never gave it back...I also have the smaller version in blue and in white, but the red is definitely my favorite."

Look for the Times to print Ashley's companion piece soon about what she did last summer, and how you can't see her when she closes her eyes.

Katherine Heigl wants more money to irritate the hell out of you every week.

According to People.com, Heigl, who plays Dr. Izzie Stevens on T.V.'s "Grey's Anatomy", walked out of contract negotiations because she doesn't feel she's being valued as much as co-stars Sandra Oh and Isaiah Washington who actually play interesting characters and not some vapid, selfish and probably insane fool who never deserved Denny to begin with and certainly didn't deserve his $8 million after she killed him, and who doesn't appreciate George, and treats him like her pet dog, and who deserves a giant bitch-slap from Dr. Callie O'Malley right in the middle of one of her faux-cheerleader "I'm allowed to tell you what I think no matter how hateful and ill-timed because I'm your best friend" speeches.

Neither Heigl nor ABC has issued a response to People's story.

I'm sure there are other, more knowledgeable sources to go to when you want to read about Oscars fashion, but that is not going to deter me from throwing in my two cents. Your dress is ugly, and I need to tell you this (Anne Hathaway, I'm looking right at you).

This week's gossip landscape was dominated by two babies going through some serious growing pains: namely, Dannielynn Hope Marshall Smith Stern/Birkhead/Anhalt/Bodyguard and Britney Spears.

But this week was also a big week for celebrity babies being born, celebrity babies allegedly being conceived, and celebrity babies simply growing up and enjoying the spotlight. Check out the following stories/links about these little bundles of joy to erase everything you read about Anna Nicole Smith or Britney Spears this week:

Why does Paris Hilton always have that dead, glassy-eyed appearance?

Maybe it has something to do with this funny-looking cigarette she was photographed smoking in her car. Or maybe it has something to do with her being a soulless waste of human flesh. Could be either, really.

Oh look! Mischa Barton, whose 19-year old sister is currently in rehab for an addiction to prescription painkillers, is smoking one of those cigarettes in her car, too. I guess Mischa was so stressed out from her minor fender bender while driving Nicole Richie's car earlier in the week that she needed something to keep her calm in traffic.

Hm. You'd think Nicole "DUI" Richie would have explained to Mischa the consequences of driving while high. Looks like no one is going to tell Ashlee Simpson, either.

I guess in Hollywood it really is every skinny bitch for herself.

Was anybody else totally traumatized by Roy's behavior on "The Office" last night?

I mean, I know he's the bad boyfriend archetype (a co-worker of mine says he remembers going to high school with at least a hundred Roys ), but I never expected such violence from Pam's ex-guy.

After his outburst in the bar, I was sure they'd end the episode on a lighter note, but they ended it with Roy threatening to kill Jim Halpert. I know Roy isn't going to kill Jim, but still. This is not "The Office" that leaves me with ha-ha tears running down my face every Thursday. Luckily, I was able to mine some laughs from the unintentionally funny "Grey's Anatomy" later.

I guess I should have seen this coming. After all, Roy (David Denman) used to be Skip the demon on "Angel". I suppose he always had the evil in him.

If you missed the episode, here is a recap.

I have to admit, I haven't really been paying attention to the proceedings to determine the location of Anna Nicole Smith's final resting place. Why? Because I am bored with the whole affair and because I firmly believe everyone involved should take turns being publicly bitch-slapped by anyone willing to make the drive to Florida.

Today, however, it was strongly recommended that I watch video of Judge Larry Seidlin deliver his ruling. I was skeptical, but after seeing this video, dear reader, I pass along the same recommendation to you.

TMZ.com is reporting that Britney Spears is back in rehab.

I know, right? Whatever.

The web site also says that the emergency custody hearing Kevin Federline requested for this morning has been called off "due to the new developments" (read: Britney's third half-assed attempt to get well). If recent history has taught us anything, he should just go ahead and reschedule the hearing for tomorrow morning.

TMZ claims that Britney showed up at Federline's house last night begging to see the kids, but that Feds wouldn't let her into the house. Hopefully K-Fed will pull a White Knight and get Britney to finally understand what "rock bottom" is.

***UPDATE***Regarding rock bottom: Maybe Britney should see these pictures of herself. Photogs caught pictures of Britney freaking out - repeatedly slamming an SUV parked outside K-Fed's house with an umbrella. Scary, scary stuff.

Associated Press is reporting that Kevin Federline is scheduled to appear in a Los Angeles courthouse Thursday morning, according to a Superior Court spokesperson.

It's not known what K-Fed is planning to do in court, but I'm guessing it has something to do with the mother of his children losing her damn mind. According to USmagazine, K-Fed and his mom have been sharing parenting duties of Sean Preston and Jayden James with Lynne Spears since Britney embarked on Self-Destruction Tour 2007.

In a related yet totally unproven story, one of the rumors circulating about Britney's sudden decision to Kojak her own head have to do with a certain Mr. F threatening to have Brit's hair tested for drugs. True? Who knows? Funny? Yes. No, of course not. This is a person we're talking about, you know. Jerk.

Nicolas Cage. Prince.

Two men with much talent. Two men who have enjoyed tremendous commercial success. Two men who enjoy wearing hats.

Pop quiz: In a contest to determine who looks better in a hat, who would win? Nic, rocking the urban cowboy look as Grand Marshall of last weekend's Daytona 500, or Prince looking fly at the NBA All-Star Game with his ever-so-delicate fedora and lady fingernails?

Ahhh, trick question. There are no winners in a contest like this.

This girl is killing me. No - wait. She's killing herself.

Britney Spears has again left rehab after staying a mere 24 hours. This is exactly what she did last week, and what she'll probably keep on doing until someone commits her to a psych ward instead.

In better news, the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services has received numerous phone calls from concerned citizens who feel that Britney's abilities as a parent should be seriously evaluated. At least someone is looking out for those kids.

A Newbery Award-winning book for children has been banned in schools across the country for mentioning dog balls.

Seriously.

A number of close-minded and bored librarians have refused to buy the book The Higher Power of Lucky for their schools because of the following paragraph, which makes use of the word 'scrotum':

'Sammy told of the day when he had drunk half a gallon of rum listening to Johnny Cash all morning in his parked '62 Cadillac, then fallen out of the car when he saw a rattlesnake on the passenger seat biting his dog, Roy, on the scrotum. Scrotum sounded to Lucky like something green that comes up when you have the flu and cough too much. It sounded medical and secret, but also important.'

Britney Spears checked herself into a rehab facility in an undisclosed location Tuesday.

Spears' manager Larry Rudolph confirmed the news to People magazine, asking that "the media respect her privacy as well as those of her family and friends at this time."

Yeah. That's totally going to happen.

***UPDATE*** See? Paparazzi have already found Britney at the Promises rehab facility in Malibu.

If you're sick of seeing footage of Anna Nicole Smith stoned out of her mind (does any other footage exist?), feel free to skip this post.

If you want to see a video of Smith, barely functioning, stumbling around with a painted clown face (really) and pushing a stroller with a doll in it while Howard K. Stern informs her that the footage he's capturing is going to be worth money, click here.

Clearly the woman was dead long before the body hit the floor.

So the big news of the weekend may have been Britney's new haircut, but there are some (mildly) interesting things happening lately to stars who aren't exactly on the A list:

1. Actress Bridget Moynahan (that's Natasha, Mr. Big's wife on "Sex and the City", to you) has confirmed that she is 3 months pregnant. The father is New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. The same Tom Brady who split with Moynahan in December, and is now being seen all over the world with pretty much the hottest model ever, Gisele Bundchen.

Oh man - telling an ex who has traded you in for a supermodel that he's your baby daddy has to be the best revenge ever. Bridget's going to have the last laugh seeing Gisele flee for the hills because - let's face it - the chances of the Brazilian model sticking around to take care of baby poo are about as high as Brady leading the Pats to another Super Bowl. Wait - is that right? I know nothing about baseball.

Britney Spears was spotted in West Hollywood Sunday night wearing a wig she got free with her Magic Hair Styler Barbie.

Sadly, I find myself unable to make a joke funnier than the one Britney has played on herself.

What, pray tell, is happening at Hogwarts lately?

A new publicity still for the play Equus, starring Harry Potter's Daniel Radcliffe, has made its way to the Internet. If you'll recall, stills were released in late January showing young Radcliffe in several provocative (read: half-naked) poses, including one in which he is trying to seduce a white horse. Seriously. What the hell is this play about?

The newest photo shows the 17-year old Radcliffe trying to... actually, I'm not sure what he is doing. He looks like he is trying to cast some sort of spell. With his bare ass. Best Week Ever's blog has drawn a happy little pair of blue panties on the lad, so you can view the photo without feeling like the giant perv you know you are.

And what does Ralph Fiennes, who plays Voldemort, think about the photos? Hard to say, as he is busy dealing with the fallout from banging a loud-mouthed stewardess flight attendant in an airplane bathroom on a flight to India last month.

Yesterday the gossip sites were alive with the sound of rehab, announcing that Britney Spears had spent one day in a facility in Antigua before checking out again and hopping a plane back to L.A.

Not content with letting that story be the freak show highlight of the weekend, Britney outdid herself Friday night by stopping at a hair parlor in Tarzana and shaving her head completely bald.

According to USmagazine.com:

"Britney came in and said she wanted them to shave her head." According to [a] source, when the hairdresser refused, "Britney grabbed the hair clipper and started doing it herself."

Oh, but our little Girl, Interrupted wasn't done yet.

Nicole Richie was officially charged with a misdemeanor for DUI today in Los Angeles. Richie was arrested in December when her car was spotted going the wrong way on the freeway. She admitted to police that she had taken Vicodin and smoked pot.

According to People.com:

"Because of a prior DUI conviction in June 2003, by California law, Richie faces mandatory jail time of 90 days up to one year if convicted of a second DUI."

Richie's attorney says that Nicole "intends to continue with her career and will deal with any other issues that need to be addressed." Namely, she will continue to be famous for being anorexic, a surprise benefit of the disease now being the ability to slide between the bars of most jail cells.

TMZ.com is reporting that Britney Spears checked into a rehab center in Antigua a couple of days ago, only to check out the very next day.

Wait- rehab? But Britney hasn't been caught using inflammatory language lately. What could have happened to make her contemplate rehab?

Nothing, apparently. Her publicist - wait a sec, she has a publicist? - denies the whole thing.

Well, that's a relief. How silly to think that someone as put-together as Britney Spears - a mother of two, may I remind you - needs to change her life in any way.

Wanna see video footage of Paris Hilton, in Vienna for some lame promotional event, getting pelted with Valtrex cigarettes and lipstick by a crowd of onlookers?

I knew that you did.

Sad Fact: Every day I rush home from work to catch the second of two episodes of "Beverly Hills, 90210" that Soapnet runs daily. Today was no different:

It's Season 4, and the episode is "Vital Signs". Brenda has the lead in the CU production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Dylan and Kelly are on the verge of breaking up (again). Brandon thinks he's lost his spot on the Task Force because of Chancellor Arnold's slutty daughter Claire.

Hapless Steve has just been through a rough time, having been accused of date rape (he was innocent, of course!) by Laura Kingman, who then - inexplicably - gets him to coach her for the role she eventually loses to Brenda in the school play. Laura accuses Brenda of sleeping with the director for the part, and Steve agrees. Of course, all of this support backfires on him anyway and Laura eventually has to drop out of school for being ca-razy. Steve, packing up Psycho Laura's belongings, tells Brandon that he has to ship her stuff to her home in - wait for it - FRESNO.

Ahhh... Fresno. Coming back from the past to make yet another awesome and image-enhancing appearance on the pop culture landscape.

Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown were photographed having dinner Sunday in Beverly Hills with their daughter Bobbi Christina.

You: But, Heather, I thought Whitney filed for divorce from that crazy Bobby Brown.

Me: She did. But apparently they're keeping it together for the crack children.

Okay, I'm as sick of writing about Anna Nicole Smith as you are of reading about her, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention these ridiculously odd tidbits about her life after death:

There's another man who is trying to claim paternity of Smith's 5-month old daughter, Dannielynn: Smith's former bodyguard Alexander Denk. This paternity thing is eerily reminiscent of the race for California Governor a few years ago. Remember that? Expect Gary Coleman and porn star Mary Carey to claim paternity soon. Bonus: If you scroll down a bit, you'll get to see an awesome and classy picture of Denk with his tongue in Smith's mouth. (Not safe for those with a gag reflex)

Oh yes, there's more.

The Fresno Fuego - you know, Fresno's soccer team - have announced an exhibition match with the Los Angeles Galaxy Saturday, March 10 at Chukchansi Park. If that team name sounds familiar, it's because it is the team with which David Beckham signed a monster contract in January.

So is David Beckham coming to Fresno? Um, no. His stint with the Galaxy doesn't start until August, unfortunately. But the Fuego promise that there are plenty of other stars in the Galaxy worth checking out, like.... and......

You may be asking yourself why I am talking about soccer when it reads "Celeb Gossip" in bright pink letters under my name at the top of this page. The answer is: Because I totally support Fresno in all ways, including its sports teams.

And I needed an excuse to post this picture of David Beckham slaying the dragon as Prince Charming for a Disney promotion. Prince Charming! He's on a horse and everything!

Well, well, well.

Justin Timberlake's video for "What Goes Around" is circulating on the Internet. You remember: this is the video that allegedly made Cameron Diaz lose her mind with jealousy over JT's chemistry with video co-star Scarlet Johansson.

So, was Cameron's ire justified? Damn right it was. If you can get past the fact that the "director's cut" of the video is 9 minutes long (the song is 7 and a half), and that the story being told is cheesy as hell, you will see that Justin and ScarJo have some heat. If I was Cameron, I'd still be bitch-slapping JT.

In case you don't know the story behind the song, it is supposed to be about Britney Spears cheating on Justin with mutual friend Wade Robson, and the lyrics even give a shout-out to our friend Kevin Federline: "I heard you found out/That he's doing to you/ What you did to me/Ain't that the way it goes."

Hmmm. So a song written about ole' Trainwreck Spears was responsible for breaking up Justin and Cameron. That seems about right. But judging by that scene of him and Scarlet in the swimming pool, something tells me he doesn't mind.

Remember when I made a big deal about John Mayer dating Jessica Simpson? Twice?

I take it all back. After seeing these pictures of the not-so-shy-anymore couple at a Grammys after-party, I've decided she can totally have him.

How can John Mayer not be cute? He sounds cute in his songs. Next you're going to tell me Justin did not actually bring sexy back.

I just don't know what to believe in anymore.

A press conference was just held in Florida by the Broward County medical examiner's office regarding the autopsy of Anna Nicole Smith.

Preliminary testing was unable to determine cause of death, and apparently none of the prescription drugs found in Smith's room were found in her system. According to the Associated Press:

The autopsy excluded any trauma as a cause of death, said Dr. Joshua Perper, who performed the autopsy.

It revealed only "subtle findings" in the heart and gastrointestinal tract, and blood in her stomach from being in shock before she died, said Perper, Broward County's medical examiner. "There were no findings that would indicate continuing drug abuse," Perper said. He called the process a "medical puzzle" and said it would take three to five weeks to conclude the investigation.

Also, according to the Seminole, Florida police chief, there were no illegal drugs found in Smith's room, and there is no evidence to suggest a crime was committed to cause Smith's death, but they're keeping the case opened.

Wow. Is it possible Anna Nicole Smith died from natural causes? Somehow that's even more tragic and shocking than the idea she might have OD'ed.

File this one under: What the hell?

Associated Press is reporting that Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband, Prince Frederick von Anhalt, claims to have had a decade-long affair with Anna Nicole Smith, and that the baby she had in September is his. If you're keeping track at home, this is the third guy to claim paternity of the child.

"If you go back from September, she wasn't with one of those guys, she was with me," von Anhalt told The Associated Press. He said he would file a lawsuit if Dannielynn is turned over to Stern or Birkhead.

Here's where the awesome comes in: von Anhalt, 59, and Ms. Gabor, 90, are still married, and have been for 20 years. Von Anhalt is Gabor's 8th husband.

According to von Anhalt, the affair with Smith began after they met in New York in the 1990s. Not wanting to divorce Gabor, von Anhalt decided to have papers drawn up to ADOPT ANNA NICOLE SMITH. Let me say that again. He wanted to ADOPT the woman he was sleeping with behind his wife's back.

Shockingly, Gabor wouldn't play along, so von Anhalt had to settle for - allegedly - impregnating her. So why come forward now? Why el$e? That tiny bundle of joy is worth millions of dollars now that Smith and Smith's son, Daniel, are both dead. Her marriage to Howard K. Stern is most likely not valid, so 5-month old Dannielynn is heir to the throne, so to speak.

If you thought Anna Nicole's life was fascinating in a really trashy way, her death is going to make all of that look like a PBS special.

To the surprise of probably no one, police have said that they found "a large number" of prescription drugs in the hotel room Anna Nicole Smith collapsed in yesterday afternoon.

An autopsy on Smith is happening right now in Florida. According to CNN.com: "There was no indication how long the autopsy would take, but the [Broward County medical examiner's] office said it would hold a news conference later Friday to discuss the preliminary results.

If the exam determines she died of natural causes, the results should be released soon. If not, it could take weeks for tests to determine what killed the 39-year-old reality TV star, Playboy playmate and former Guess model."

CNN.com is reporting that troubled star Anna Nicole Smith has died. Smith was taken to a Florida hospital where she died after being found unconscious in her hotel room.

So far, there is no word on what caused Smith's death.

Things had not been looking good for Smith lately. Her son, Daniel, died from a drug overdose 3 days after his mother gave birth to daughter, Dannielynn, in the Bahamas in September. Smith, who claimed friend Howard K. Stern was the father of her child, had been in a legal battle with former boyfriend Larry Birkhead over the paternity of the child.

Just this week, Smith had been named in a lawsuit against Trim-Spa, the diet pill company she acted as spokesperson for. The suit alleges that weight loss claims made by Smith, and by the company, were false or misleading.

It's always shocking when something like this happens to a celebrity, especially to one who was the butt of so many jokes as Anna Nicole Smith was. It will really be interesting to hear what an autopsy reveals about the death, as I can't help but immediately wonder if it was an accidental overdose or, judging from Smith's crazy behavior in the past, a cry for attention gone horribly wrong.

Anne Hathaway, star of The Princess Diaries and The Devil Wears Prada, has claimed in an interview with Britain's Tatler magazine that, as a teen, she suffered from anxiety and depression, but that she rejected medication, choosing to work through her troubles.

Work through her troubles, eh? Is that code for "got a job that pays millions of dollars and lets me make out with Jake Gyllenhaal"?

Now, now. Don't get your hopes up.

This photo of Kevin Federline with his throat slashed isn't real. I mean, it's a real picture. But as far as I know, K-Fed's head is still attached to his body.

This is what the kids call art. And who do you have to thank for this image? Fashion photographer Steven Klein, who is one of five photographers exhibiting in the National Portrait Gallery's forthcoming "Face of Fashion" show.

First the self-mocking commercial and now faking his own death? Through art, of all things?

I tell you, he's doing it. He's winning me over. That Federline is a genius. Are you paying attention, Britney? Apparently not.

This one is for all of you hard-working desk jockeys in desperate need of a mid-winter pick-me-up (You too, Paris Hilton!).

Where's the hot new vacation spot? Rehab*, of course! It's where you go when you want people to think you're cleaning up your act and making healthy life decisions, but what you really do is shop all day, drink lattes and wear funny hats, just like Lindsay Lohan is demonstrating in these awesome ads for the Wonderland rehab center in Los Angeles.

So put down that stale cup of coffee, stop searching the Internet for the next must-see viral hoax, and get thee to rehab stat! Hey - don't worry, you'll still get to party on the weekend with your friends!

*Endorsed by San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom.

Looks like GLAAD is mad. Again.

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation has turned its attention away from Isaiah Washington and has moved onto a bigger fish: 2005 Gay Pride Parade Grand Marshall Paris Hilton.

You know that thing that we poor people do, where we buy a dress we can't afford, keep the tags on, and then return the dress the next day?

Britney Spears does that, too. Only she apparently got her dress at Target. And it's more like the shapewear one wears under a dress than an actual, universally-recognized dress. And, though clearly comfortable with the little bit of mommy weight she still seems to be carrying in the mid-section, she doesn't see the problem with wearing this clingy, unforgiving lycra wonder to a fashion show for the label Baby Phat.

So, to sum up: Britney Spears + clingy, tacky lingerie + tag sticking out + Baby Phat = a good time had by all.

I couldn't give a crap about whatever bad blood exists between cable news networks, but this is mildly interesting.

A publication called T.V. Week printed a two-page ad for Fox News in which the network calls its competition, represented in the ad as a silver-haired man who looks suspiciously like CNN's Anderson Cooper, the "Paris Hilton of Television News." I don't know what that means, but any time you invoke the Hilton name, you must be talking about herpes you're probably not being complimentary.

The ad goes on to label the Cooper lookalike "style over substance," "endless hype" and a "media darling," and it ends with the claim "He still gets beat EVERY NIGHT BY ... Greta Van Susteren." And, of course, smiling at us from the (appropriately enough) right side of the ad is Greta Van Susteren.

Last week was a big week for celebrity breakups. Since it might be hard to remember which couples are no more, I've put together this helpful list of suddenly-single people, complete with information on why you should know their names, and what the likelihood is that you could hook up if you ever met them in a bar:

McDreamy is a McDaddy.

"Grey's Anatomy's" Patrick Dempsey and his wife, Jillian, welcomed twin boys Darby Galen and Sullivan Patrick Thursday in Los Angeles. People.com has the exclusive, plus a bunch of sappy quotes from Dempsey about how fatherhood has changed him for the better, blah, blah, blah.

Darby Galen and Sullivan Patrick? Dempsey seems to be taking the "Mc" in McDreamy a little too far, but whatever. I'd still hit that. But only if McSteamy (possibly Not Safe For Work) was tired out. Whoop! Where my girls at?!

No? Inappropriate? I'm telling you, in my old age it's getting harder and harder to see that line that shouldn't be crossed.

July 21, 2007. Mark it down.

This is the day you're going to find me at Barnes and Noble, at midnight, beating down any faux-bespectacled, nerdy little kid that gets in between me and my copy of the seventh and final installment of the Harry Potter series: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Forget the naked horsie pictures, the under-aged drinking photos. The books are what it's all about, people, and I am psyched.

Ha. I'm giddy. Is anyone else giddy? 170 169 days!

Oh, okay. This is weird. Remember Michael Jackson? I know, right? Ew.

Anyway, remember when he had two kids with his employee Debbie Rowe, and we never really saw the kids, and then one day MJ was dangling a random third kid over the side of a balcony with a blanket over its head and then everyone started calling the kid "Blanket" because they didn't know his name? Well, those lucky childrens is all growed up, and they're not as hideous as you might have imagined.

TMZ.com has photographic evidence that the kids are kind of cute (most of them), relatively normal (again, most) and, uhhhh, white (all of them).

I have to be honest. The third kid, Blanket, kind of freaks me out. His real name is Prince Michael II, and judging by his stringy, long black hair and pale white skin, I'm pretty sure he's Samara from The Ring movies. I know it's wrong to make fun of a child, and I am sorry.

...seven days....

Dude. I am so creeped out right now.

A couple of days ago I wrote a blog post about British actress Sienna Miller and her unfortunate sartorial choice for the after-party following the premiere of her new film Factory Girl. Think yeti sweater, granny panties, tights.

Today I received from a Beehive reader this link to a NY Daily News story in which a reporter puts on the granny panty outfit and walks the streets of New York. "I see [this] as the editorial direction the Beehive must take immediately," the reader said.

I love Beehive readers. I respect Beehive readers. I respect Beehive readers so much I am going to make this pledge to you today:

Under no circumstance will you, the loyal Beehive reader, see me on the streets of Fresno wearing a yeti sweater. You will never, and I mean ever, see my muffin top and thunder thighs trying to peek out from under a pair of panties reserved for the over-60 set. And if I am wearing tights, it is because I have suddenly developed the power to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

The NY Daily News article is as lame as you're imagining, minus the reporter's parting advice to Sienna Miller, which I suggest you write in your diary tonight, and always take to heart: "Put on some damn pants."